heebie jeebies...

hello from memphis. yes, i am currently still on vacation. it's actually quite lovely and depressing all at the same time. depressing in the fact that i miss work. i miss the cold warehouse. it's really quite bizarre to me, but nonetheless i miss it.

i know i haven't written in a while, but christmas snuck up fast along with some last minute orders. so things got scrambled and left in the wake of destruction that is december. we pulled through, mostly unscathed, but the blog got neglected and for that i apologize.

i hope the holidays were wonderful for everyone and that you all have a good new year. but for now the blog is on hold until i actually step foot back in the warehouse in the ghetto.

but i will tell you the cockroach story:

i went to throw out the trash from the office. i was talking to darwin while i dumped the trash out and out fell a cockroach. i screamed and did the heebie jeebie dance. darwin laughed and wanted to know what was wrong. i told him a giant cockroach fell out of the trashcan. so of course he proceeds to go view this cockroach. he then asks me what i would do if he flung that cockroach on me and i told him i would just sit down and start sobbing uncontrollably. he laughed and threatened. it was a traumatic morning for me to say the least....

moral of the story: do not throw cockroaches at the person who keeps the company together. it will most decidedly result in disaster for you and said company....

p.s. heebie jeebies apparently are not actual words....LIES

you play ball like a girl!

well hello there. it's so nice to see you. what can i help you with?
- this is typical of how a day in my life goes. usually there is a problem involved in this and it's that a. i didn't know they were coming b. i have no idea who they are c. they refuse to tell me what they want/who they are.

this also occurs on the phone quite a bit. hello, yes i need a quote on such and such. okay well questions questions questions. okay, well what is your number, okay now what is your name? OR my favorite personally. i need some wood and want to come see what you have got. -okay we are appointment only. when is a good time for you - well when are you there? - good grief charlie brown....around in circles we go a couple of times...-okay i'll see you then. - okay great, what is your name, would you like directions?

what happened to the simple etiquette of introducing yourself before you speak to someone who clearly has no idea who you are. i introduce myself when i answer the phone, you could at least do the same. i mean come on. how hard is it to remember your own name? i get it, some people are just too scattered to notice they have not introduced themselves, but then you get awkwardly far into the conversation and you can't ask for their name so now you have to wait for a saving grace. someone to walk up and introduce themselves. that doesn't always work however. darwin and i try that a lot. he will talk to someone without having a vague idea what their name is and i will walk out and introduce myself. sometimes it works, sometimes i just get oh hello nice to meet you. well shoot.

this usually happens more to me than to darwin because he likes to schedule meetings and conveniently "forget" about them. so in walks said person and i have no idea why they are here, what they want, much less who they are. that usually leads to a frantic phone call to darwin and he of course doesn't answer, because that would make my life entirely too easy. so i move along and introduce myself and ask what they are specifically looking for. usually something complicated so i just nod, smile, and point. (works wonders). always immediately when they leave, darwin calls me back... you're killing me smalls.

this happened the other day. i did have notice this time. darwin called me the night before and told me that designer was coming by to look at stuff. he was sure he would be there on time, but to make sure i was supposed to get there earlier than normal. okay okay fine fine yep yep. of course he was late. she was perfectly lovely and easy to talk to. (she also brought doughnuts; quickest way to darwin and i's hearts is through food.). we chatted, she told me about a sewing class, i told her my sewing knowledge...all was copacetic and then in strolls darwin. he takes over and i slink away. she did however come to find out that i was the way to reach darwin. email me or call me and i will get it done. darwin will more than likely forget about it, and also in turn forget to tell me about it....makes for a fun day for me with angry customers that i have to ping pong around topics with because i truly have no idea what they are talking about....

etiquette people. simple simple etiquette. use it and see how you are rewarded. not always, but more than enough to warrant it's use. etiquette lesson of the day: do not fold napkins and put them back on the table when you are finished. they are supposed to be wadded. side note: i HATE wadded napkins. tricky little devils...

jelly of the month club?

it's the holidays. it's cold. this translates, to dot freezing to death. yea i mean quite literally freezing to death. there just are not enough layers in my closet to adequately provide for warmth. i did learn that darwin bought me a present. in the form of a propane powered heater. YES! maybe now my fingers won't hurt so incredibly bad, or the pens will stop rebelling and start writing again, and maybe just maybe the internet router will start to function properly again. all of these are big maybes i might add....

back to the holidays. the season of giving. well at the moment i am fighting with hallmark.com to make christmas cards for work. yes it's last minute and yes having a proper internet connection would probably work wonders, but again these are things i don't have. we always do things last minute. i did however make a list of people to send them too about 2 weeks ago. so you know, way ahead of schedule there. now i am back to behind schedule. welcome to december. side note: i'll probably end up buying darwin's christmas presents for him next week, because let's face it, he's never going to get it done...

okay so holiday cards. i personally love getting them. i really like ones with pictures. so that is what we are doing this year. we had grand plans of sitting on the log yard with the dogs and taking a picture, but that clearly didn't happen. ::sigh:: maybe next year. ha, yea right. besides it's been too freaking cold to even be alive, must less pose for a picture. so that led me to scrounging around the computer for pictures. naturally i figured one with wood in it would probably be appropriate, go figure, but i also wanted one of me and darwin. ya know the brains, heart and the soul of this operation...(i would like to take credit for all mentioned, but with the holiday season upon us, i let darwin have some of the glory as well....) here is the hitch, there is not a single picture of us together. not a single one out of 2 years. so then i had to ponder. and then i remembered....we went to maine this summer. there is ONE picture. it's terrible, we look stupid happy (probably because we just ate free fresh off the boat lobsters); scratch that, we look like little kids on christmas...PERFECT.

maybe we should just enroll everyone in a jelly of the month club...it is the gift that keeps on giving...

so now i have to decide what else to use. put the dogs in the picture? maybe. just maybe...i swear this post is attempting to go somewhere. here it is. my first christmas at the lumber yard (sounds like a children's book). i was again in charge of christmas cards. so i decided to elf ourselves. if you haven't elfed yourself, i highly recommend it. HILARIOUS. darwin was santa, and whitney and i were elves. it was atrocious and hysterical. everyone loved them. i had a great time making them, mainly because if people only knew what hijinx go on around here, they might be a little bit appalled. but whatever. christmas cards. yes please. now if only the internet would work properly...

i wish i still had the photo to show you guys. i have no idea where it is. it was disgusting.

a la christmas vacation (one of my favorite movies of all times):

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."

gravity bites.

you know in charlie brown when he goes to kick the football and every time lucy pulls the ball away? it never gets old and is always funny. that's a little bit like this story that darwin reminded me of yesterday...

drew is our original sawyer (literally one who saws). i say original because darwin got jealous and bought his own sawmill...boys will be boys. anywho. drew. he is the king midas of breaking things. always hilarious, a little nerve racking, and sure to make darwin cringe. so for me that equals one of two things: laughing hysterically or running away from the mad bear...never ever poke the bear. i repeat never ever poke the bear. (although i must admit occasionally i do poke the bear...it can be entertaining.)

take for instance the forklift falling in a sinkhole that i mentioned in my first entry. that was drew. driving along in helga (god rest her poor little soul) and WHAM! helga falls in a hole. hilarious, mouth dropping, and puzzling as it was, drew was not too pleased. darwin and i just stood completely and utterly aghast. he. forklift. helga. what? what? how? what?

now getting helga out of a hole requires another forklift. i call them hans and frans. they are our matching green forklifts. hans and or frans gets helga out and on with the day we go. but don't you worry, drew and helga will fall in another hole. trust me on this. well maybe not with helga, although he did do that a number of times more, but with another forklift. it's bound to happen. forklifts are heavy suckers. its just a matter of gravity. thanks sir isaac newton for that little tid bit of science.

moving forward. still involving drew and forklifts. now darwin does not like hans or frans to go outside. they are not made for outside. only he is allowed to take the precious babies outside. well, as you all know by now some things around here just don't go as planned. drew took hansy and or fransy outside one day. he was throwing stuff (read oversized wood chunks that i get yelled at for later by the complex) away in the dumpster. now here is where that charlie brown and lucy scenario comes to play. i call the motion of charlie falling "slippery feet."

drew is loading a dumpster and getting stuff off the tines of hans or frans. well seeing as how these forklifts are not supposed to go outside...one of the tine bolts came loose and well if you can guess where i am going with this...drew went feet over head into the dumpster. now i did not witness it, but darwin told me about it and i am pretty sure he was crying he was laughing so hard. drew however was not amused. he was soooo mad. but come on, picture a grown man cartoon style falling into a dumpster. now that is funny! absolute comedic gold.

i would like to say that drew has learned his lesson and doesn't take hansy or fransy outside anymore, but you clearly do not have a grasp on this adult daycare center...he does not however climb the forklifts like mountains. his feet stay firmly planted on the ground (well most of the time).

and the streets are paved with cheese!

isms. everyone has them. it's like a persons trademark. most of the time you don't know that you use them incessantly until someone points it out to you.

my isms:
silly
kiddo
malarkey
phenomenal
(i am sure there are more, but refer back to my previous statement)

darwin's isms:
good lousy
jam up good/deal/price
rat bastard

there are many more, and all equally entertaining based upon the situations.

the problem with isms, is once people point them out to you, you don't really want to use them anymore. you try to avoid them, but like a bad habit out of your mouth they pop. speaking of pop. (no i haven't had an soda, silly.)

let me tell you about the mouse story...this was a fun day in my life...

the office used to be set up a little differently and the filing cabinets were in the next office over (now the storage/refrigerator/crap pile room). darwin was outside on the phone, drew was piddling around, mike and johnny were doing whatever it was that mike and johnny did (or lack thereof), and i was being good little office manager and filing stuff away in appropriate places. soooo. i open the filing cabinet not really paying attention and there is a mouse. A MOUSE. A REAL LIVE HONEST TO GOD MOUSE just sitting on top of the files. sooo not okay. i screamed, threw the files and ran away. i am pretty sure everyone thought that i had been shot. i tap danced around screaming. what, what happened? THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE FILING CABINET! IN THE F-ING FILING CABINET. laughter erupts. (aside from me of course, i am still trying not to cry.)

johnny tells me: what you ain't never seen a mouse before? come on white girl.

listen, i've seen mice, but i do not want to see mice. i do not like mice. i do not care for mice. there beady little eyes and that tail. gross. enough said.

so mouse scurries away and they all think i am crazy and a scaredy cat. phenomenal.

later that year, i have another encounter with this mouse. he is just walking across the my office just cool as can be. i am having a stare down with a mouse. go figure. i knew that little bugger would be back to haunt me.

i am still convinced that no one believes me about the mouse in the filing cabinet. i mean i wouldn't believe me.

this coincides with another story about cockroaches, but that will have to wait until i have feeling in my fingers.

adios.

silly.

you know what is fun about being a girl working in lumber? the shock factor.

it's like when you know someone by phone relationship only and you build this idea of what they look like and then you meet them and you were WAY off. while that is always entertaining and usually a huge let down, i often wonder what people think when they have a phone relationship with me.

if we break down my phone relationships in the viewpoint of those who talk to me it goes like this. a- i sound like i am 12. b- i sound like a 12 year old boy. c- i am awkward. d- let's throw i am awkward in there again. (side note: if you put me in a backwards hat, i am most certainly a 12 year old boy. try it sometime, it's fairly amusing from what i hear and see.)

so what would you picture if that was the description given? because i most certainly picture a nerdy girl (no offense) with a bowl cut. not exactly my type.

which leads to when i meet people for the first time that i have talked on the phone with, i always get this startled look and then a confused look, followed by a complete sentence. i find it entertaining. it gets really entertaining when i start talking and they realize i know what i am talk about. go figure....

take today for instance. i went out to our millwork shop for the first time to drop off some plans. i walk in and ask the man looking curiously at me if Terry was there. "Yeah. You must be Darwin's." - i am now possessed by darwin. how entertaining. - smile and nod. "Terry. Here's Darwin's." - again, really?. "Hey Terry, I'm Dorothy." "Uh. Hey." Okay I've got these plans for you....blah blah blah....lumber talk...problems solved. see i do know what i am talking about.

i find it amusing the presumptions that people have about me. sometimes i play the dumb blonde card because it is amusing or i really like the panicky darwin is on a rampage card, that one is always fun.

i also really like walking into buckhead architect offices wearing jeans and a ratty t-shirt asking to pick up a check for $5,000. that one usually gets unusual looks. mainly from the front office ladies. the look is wiped right off their faces when their boss walks out to sign a check (or attempt to deny checks) and then i use that southern drawl, and blink really fast. then VIOLA checks appear....

ah, lumber. i love being a girl in a guys world. being a tomboy who likes to "occasionally" dress up has its advantages. or it may just be the fact that i am a girl in general...

mmhmmm...

you know what i love the monday after thanksgiving? well i really love ugg boots, sweatpants, and a cup of hot chocolate, but we can't always get what we want, correct? well i most certainly love getting to work at 7:30 and sanding...[enter sarcasm here]. just how i wanted to spend my morning. also, the fact that i am alone is another one for the books....

however, you may think this would rank as one of my most dreaded days at work....oh but you would be mistaken. there was a two week span where all i did was liming wax. in the dead of winter. in the warehouse. with very little help (we will use the term "help" very, very loosely).

it all started as a shelving order. this guy wanted to have the "driftwood" "whitewash" finish. hence the liming wax. much to my chagrin i was tasked with getting all of this together. yea yea, whatever, no big deal. HA! silly little me.

darwin: dot i need you to get some liming wax from highland hardware.
dot: how many of these said cans?
darwin: two should be plenty. maybe get a third just in case.

that just in case will get ya every time.

first round of shelving - 130 shelves, limed on all four sides...2 cans? maybe 3? HAHAHAHA! try 13. needless to say i bought all of the highland hardware stock. i had to move venues. i was at the new venue maybe 3 times a week. every time i was covered from head to toe in liming wax. i am fairly certain they thought i was an expensive glue huffer.

we get to round 2 of shelving. i decide to be prepared and order the liming wax online. you know what is great about ordering things online? they deliver it to your door in a timely fashion. you know what is not so great about ordering things online? they usually don't deliver it to your door in a timely fashion. see where i am going with this? yea, that order of liming wax didn't show until 5 days after the order of shelves shipped. SPECTACULAR....

back to trolling the streets of atlanta for liming wax....

liming wax has been acquired and the task of liming has been handed down. it was a saturday, darwin limed half of a shelf....HALF! and then said, i've got a delivery to run, i'll be back later. you guys got this? yea, yea we got this....130 shelves to wax. take one down pass it around, 129 more shelves to wax. it was terrible. absolutely terrible. it was cold, i was covered in white paste, and to top it off, i'm pretty sure you are not supposed to be in contact with it for as long as i was. i may have residual damages...ha, yea i am sure it's the liming wax, that is going to cause me to go crazy.

it got finished. i may have been delirious, but it got finished.

the other day, i put on a jacket from last winter, and what did i find? LIMING WAX. the stuff still haunts me. darwin begins to speak about it and i tell him that i refuse to "lime" ever again. it's kind of like the day the mouse was in the filing cabinet (that's another fun little story)...there are some things that i just can't deal with at work, and that MOST certainly is one of them...

hogwash. hooey. poppycock. fatuity. mumbo jumbo.

it's monday. thanksgiving is in three days. this means that all hell is going to break loose at work. it's inevitable. work right before the holidays is silly crazy. i've already sent out a flooring quote, wandered the warehouse looking for more material (alas...), ignored the phone like a pro (let's be honest i am already really good at that one), craig's listed, answered back-logged e-mails, and naturally trolled the internet for something to entertain me...this is what i came across:

"This is what you shall do: Be loyal to what you love, Be true to the Earth, and Fight your enemies with passion and laughter." - Edward Abbey

It seems rather fitting for a week like this. Where no doubt it is going to be full throttle, gloves on, game face present, and crazy to the last second...it always happens this way, and you would think approaching my 3rd thanksgiving, i would be able to recognize it a little sooner. if it gives you any idea of how crazy things are here, we were going to be closed for the whole week...you see how that's working out for me. sitting at the warehouse, with the dogs (the sweet babies in the picture..coney and then praia in the back), hot chocolate (extremely cold from being purchased at 845 this morning...no, we don't have a microwave, that's just ludicrous), phone buzzing, and not a worry in the world.

i can honestly say i have never been more lost than i am right now, but strangely enough i have never been happier and more okay with it. crazy how life's curve balls turn out. i was loyal to what i loved, true to what i believed (and the earth), and fought tooth and nail. so i guess mr. edward abbey, i achieved your quote. (well, mostly. let's not split hairs here.) so there. beat that...ha

BUT i did almost fall in the toilet 3 times in the past 2 weeks. and i mean literally almost fell in the toilet, none of that figurative malarkey. LITERALLY. if you work with only guys, or live with guys, you come to find out that them putting that toilet seat down is just a pesky mundane task that often gets overlooked. perhaps they think of it as more of a suggestion....hence the toilet episodes. i politely asked (told that it would not be a good day for whoever i encountered if i fell in said toilet) that they please put the seat down, not even the cover, just the seat. (not too terribly much to ask right?). i was promptly greeted with laughter and how they thought it would be absolutely hilarious if i actually fell in...good grief charlie brown, i just can't win around here....

oh thank god thanksgiving is only 3 days away...three long, toilet seat up days away...

p.s. expect to hear my screams when i fall in, because it is going to happen. i will probably scream, laugh, cry, and scream again. it will be one of my better moments...

enjoy this little gem...

lazy magnolia...

mississippi wood trader, this is dorothy, how may i help you? - uh, yea i am looking to see if you guys sell wood...DOH!

why is it called mississippi wood trader? is there another in mississippi? are you from mississippi? - well you see darwin is from mississippi. - oh so he started it there? - um well no, he started it here, but he thought the name was cool since he is from mississippi. - oh clever...

yes ma'am, i would like to purchase a slab for a table. - not a problem, what in particular were you looking for? - oh something cheap but big. say maybe $100? - oh well, yea, err. NO

can i talk to someone who knows about wood? - sure i would be happy to help you. - no i mean someone like the guy i talked to last time. - oh, darwin, right. well he isn't here, i can help you if you would like. - no i'll come back when he is here.

these are some of the absurdities i deal with on a given day. i do however have one absolute favorite question that was ever posed to me, and it happened when darwin and i were in mississippi.

trade shows are fine and dandy. especially when they are at your boss' old high school and they are offering you free booze in bucket size quantities. now people in mississippi know how to drink. don't get me wrong, i can keep up with the best of them, but man they sure can put back some alcohol. and quickly i might add. this is the location of the best question of all time.

let me preface a little bit about this. darwin and i always get asked the same question, or sometimes it is just stated to us like a fact. "you two are together and own your own company. that is just the greatest." or "so you two are dating right?" we used to try and explain, but then we gave up and just went with it, because people believe what they want and no amount of denial, no matter how eloquent and true, will sway them otherwise.

after about the 18 millionth time of this happening, darwin and i just began to laugh and smile and nod. it works much better in the long run. and after about 6 lazy magnolia beers to their 12, you will say just about anything to get people to buy stuff. now, here's where the good part starts. up marches miss tipsy teetering mississippi housewife. "NOW that slab is just absolutely beautiful!" (said dripping in southern slurring voice). why yes ma'am, it is quite beautiful. it would make an amazing statement piece. "WHY yes yes it would. Now does that say $120,000? Why it is beautiful, but wow that is a price tag. Oh wait, that says $12,000. Well that is certainly more afordable. - SAY WHAT?! "oh, my goodness, i don't have my glasses on. what exactly does that say? - "$1,200 ma'am." - "well that certainly makes much more sense. i want that, let me find my husband...." teeters off to never been seen again.

all i could do at that point to stifle my laughter, was to proceed to drink. i told darwin the story, and he told me that if i would have sold her that piece of wood for $12,000, i could of had half...hmmm.. OH LADY.....

adventures in lumbering. never a dull moment. always something you would never expect. absolutely phenomenal. oh and watch out for the drinking mississippi housewives, they'll sneak up on you every time...

bravery.

i acquired a bracelet while on sabbatical from atlanta this past weekend. it says "love life" and on the back it says "be brave." it's a simple bracelet, but i am a huge fan of it. (mainly bracelets in general, but in particular this one...for right now at least...)

working for a small company involves a lot of bravery. you have to face your fears, stand up for what is right, and most of all follow your dreams. with that being said, i have had to face a lot of fears in the past two years. i am not afraid of much, mainly irrational things (snakes, spiders, jetskis...), but some things are intimidating and quite scary around here. people in general scare me a bit. i am an extremely nervous and awkward person (it's okay, i've embraced it...). it's my quirk, we've all got them, now you just have to figure out how to live with them.

facing my fears was something that was immediately apparent to me that had to be done. i'm still not great at some things, like say the phone, but i am working on them. i have gotten better at my interpersonal skills, but the problem lies in when people become pushy. i have learned to channel that frustration elsewhere, but sometimes i get overwhelmed. (hence the sabbatical).

being awkward has it's perks though. i am not above the awkward stare down or the awkward pause, they just don't bother me. some people however cannot handle them, and that is where i hone my awkwardyness (?) skills.

i have learned through many trials and tribulations however that most of the time people do not take what i say seriously. they want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth...ahem, darwin's mouth. i mean i get it, i sound like i am twelve, and i look about as smart as oh i don't know a bale of hay, but seriously. i am very smart, and i know an inordinate amount about wood (oh let the jokes just roll on in on that one...). i don't claim to know everything (okay, you got me there, i am italian, so i know everything or at least can make something up), but if you stop and listen to what i have said and then listen to was said horse says, they are one in the same.

so here is a little adventure in purchasing tires for a F-350 dually. it goes a little something like this...

"hey dot."
"hmm."
"can you drive the dually to kauffman and get new tires please? they have already been ordered. we only need two. tell them to use the front tires as the outer tires on the back and put the new tires on the front."
"mmkay. sure sure, whatever."

driving along in massive vehicle in the ghetto...HARK what is that i see and hear? a nice african american gentleman singing to me. SINGING! a little diddy something like this: "white girl in the ghetto. she's driving a big ole truck. white girl in the ghetto. she should be an ad for trucks..." PHENOMENAL! i love being serenaded in the ghetto. makes my heart flutter all crazy like.

moving forward. kauffman tire. -

"umm, hi my boss called in some tires for that rig over there." (pointing and looking ensues).
"sure sure.." computer pitter patter...after much confusing, tires have been located....GEE WHIZ.

now here is where the fun really begins...

"okay, i want you to take the two new tires and put them on the front of the truck. take those front tires and put them on the back outside tires..." -simple enough?-
"so new tires on the back, back to front and dispose front."
"um, no." re-explain.
"right, that's what i said..."
"i don't think so. i just want to make sure it's right." now the hand motions, with descriptions get involved...
"oh okay, i see what you mean now." FINALLY

i leave kauffman and then get a phone call. the front tires don't fit on the back...what? hold on, hold on, talk to darwin...darwin - did you take them off and remount them on the back? like take them off the wheel hub? oh uh, no no i did not. IDIOTS. mainly because these wheel hubs are completely different from front to back....

case in point. hook line and sinker. signed, sealed, delivered. all of those euphemisms apply here...

like running a three ring circus. so be brave, stand your ground, face your fears. that's the mantra i keep on repeat these days. it's tough (i highly recommend the occasional sabbatical), but somebody has got to do it right?

i'll find you....

big fat bully. there i said it. i HATE being bullied. anyone who knows me knows that badgering me, cornering me, and most of all bullying me are a sure fire way for me to just ignore you and not talk to you anymore. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

now people around the shop (customers/vendors) think that i am easily bullyable (not a word, but whatever). quite the contrary, i am not easily bullied. i will stand my ground, mark my words. yesterday, however, was not one of my finer moments. i was already on the verge of a mental breakdown, and customers just were not helping. i am under strict orders to get payments in by certain times. usually, i am really good at this. i just ex-girlfriend style call. i annoy myself with how many times i call...so i must clearly be annoying you. yesterday was just not my day. i was tired, cranky, and cold. probably the worst threesome for me right there. i just didn't have it in me to fight. so i went unpaid and left the shop at 3 on the brink of tears. just because i am a girl, i am blonde, and i am pretty (i'm taking liberty here to say that i am), does not mean that you can smooth talk your way out of a bill, and that my pretty little head will just completely miss what happened. WRONG. i like my money, and i like being able to see it. don't do the whole wink and nod. you're not a puppy, i'm not falling for it. that doesn't make the look and the chat i am going to get from darwin later easier for me. JUST PAY YOUR BILL. we are a small company, we need that money. i need that money. just give it to me, it's not that hard. it stresses me out and i don't do well with stress.

moral of the story, pay your bills, be nice to the people you purchase things from, they are doing their best. and for goodness sake do not bug me 8000 times in one day where your stuff is. i told you i would let you know by a certain time and i will. geez...don't use my ex-girlfriend tactic, that's just rude...ha.

oh, i have an older brother. i know how to hold my own....don't test these baby fists of fury. and i most decidedly probably faster than you, so don't try that one either. CAUSE I'LL FINDDDD YOU...

pony pink.

here is the helga. i named her helga, and she is beautiful. i love her. she has met her demise this past week. she will no longer charge. sad day in my life. BUT i did get to paint her pink....

there comes a day when every girl wants to paint something. now my idea of painting something usually entails me holding a paintbrush and watching someone else paint. but alas, this day at work had other plans in store for me. these plans were "end painting". this lovely, enjoyable and glamorous task involves mixing a big bucket with paint and glue and then painting the ends of fresh cut logs. darwin came in with the color that we aptly dubbed "pink pony pink." if you are not from atlanta, then you do not know what this fine institution is (i guess that was a little presumptuous of me, you may know what it is); it is a lovely little strip club that is located in north atlanta as well as south atlanta, and has billboards that say catchy phrases like "forecast calls for scattered panties." classy. with that being said, you can only imagine what horrendous color of pink was chosen for this end painting task. lots of giggling and threatening occurred while painting logs. mainly, don't piss me off, i will most certainly give your dog a pink mohawk....(that did not happen, but we used to daycare a dog name beau jangles (poor little beau) and i most certainly painted his nails pink...) after painting about 40 ends and thinking i may become blind from the atrocious color, i decided that i was going to paint the forklift. at first all i put was a dot on it. just one little dot and left it, to see how long it would take darwin to notice...

one dot apparently is not noticeable. so hopped up on diet soda, i commenced to painting more dots on the back of the forklift. mike (the shop guy) noticed and started laughing. still no note from darwin. so, that sent me on a mission....a mission that ended with a masterfully painted forklift. darwin finally noticed and gave me that look. the look of: i think i may hate you, but i am most certainly too tired to do anything about this. also, the look of i may hate you, but what could i have said to make you not do that...answer ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. it turned out for the best (at least i think so) and now we had a "pretty forklift." i always warned darwin that i was going to paint one of the forklifts pink and it would be MY forklift. ha...i mean, i did warn him.

when working in a lumber yard full of guys, you've got to get your kicks somewhere. so when missions arise, like go buy some spray paint or i need a new toothbrush, i am most definitely going to buy the one that is the girliest. usually neon pink, or maybe with a princess or two on it. i find it highly amusing because, come on, it is.

so cheers to pink pony pink painting...say that 5 times fast...

hgtv famous...

once upon a time, there was a 21 year old female college graduate who was unemployed. now you may be wondering who on earth i could be talking about. it's me silly. hahaha, i'm so clever i know. this is the story of how i came to be working for this lovely little operation (i resisted the urge to rewrite the fresh prince with my own lyrics...) down here in the ghetto of atlanta (wave to the ted when you come down, or the dome, or the crackhead; whatever suits your fancy).

i graduated from the university of georgia in may of 2008. i was happy to be done with school, but that awesomeness was soon deflated by moving and realizing i had no job. and not only did i have no job, i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. who does when they are 21? if you are one of those people that does, then i will warn you of what is about to happen. i hate you. there i said it, i hate you. there are just too many options to be bothered with picking one silly little day job. so i naturally did what any graduate does: move in with best friend in a new city, check; "look" for jobs from approximately 11-1, check; go to the pool all summer long, double check. that made for a great summer for me, until i got the call of death: "listen we love you and are proud of your accomplishments, but GET A JOB!" point taken...let the search commence.

once i was thoroughly convinced that i was not actually employable, my uncle calls me and says that he met this guy, darwin, who sell really cool wood. eh, okay. he needs someone to help him out a couple of days a week, so i gave him your e-mail and phone number. eh, okay. it was one of those rare mornings that i was up at 630 (those are still rare...) and received a phone call at 7 and answered it (also another rarity). low and behold it was darwin, wanting to know if i could come in that day and talk with him about working there. sure sure of course of course; when, where, how on earth do i get there? the ghetto you say, ah i know a thing or two about ghetto hopping, sure i'll be there at 11, sounds magical. so i go and can say i am immediately awestruck at what i see. a. the ghetto (that was no joke, might have hit a crackhead with a shopping cart full of cans to recycle...) b. a giant warehouse painted blue c. people running around like chickens with their heads cut off cutting up wood....this could be fun. i find darwin, easier said that done. and we chat for oh all of 10 minutes and he looks at me and says can you start tomorrow, say come in around 9? uh, tomorrow? as in the day after today, as in approximate 22 hours? yea, i mean i guess...i'll have to check my busy calendar, who am i kidding, OF COURSE. next question: can you work quickbooks? uh, stammer stammer, sure? darwin: works for me...alrighty deal, one catch though, i am going to the beach on friday (ahem, exhibit a of why corporate america and me just don't jive) and won't be back until next thursday. darwin: sounds fun, have a good time, see you tomorrow. well alright then, looks like i have just become partially employed. score one for dot....

so i've been at work for let's say 2 weeks or so, it's almost my birthday (i am a toddler about my birthday, really a toddler in general, but if presents are involved you can bet your ass i will be more excited than any little kid could ever be), and i have just begun to learn the ropes. answer the phone, tell them yes yes we most certainly can do that, write everything down, pass said papers to darwin. approximately 1 out of 5 actually will get read and you just have to keep reshuffling and hand them to him again. not efficient, but i've only been here 2 weeks. i didn't know back then that i could actually bully darwin into paying attention for longer than a nanosecond or that it really is hard to get in trouble around here, short of setting the place on fire of course...well this is when darwin tells me, hey HGTV filmed me a couple of months ago for a segment they did on green companies (or something of the like). i nod along, not entirely knowing where this is going...and he goes, so they want to come film some more and maybe give us a tv show...SAY WHAT? they are coming thursday (or something) so just a heads up. i work thursdays...okay, WAIT WAIT WAIT, thursday is my birthday...could a birthday get any better than that? needless to say, it can't. except when they start asking you all these awkward questions....

do you worry about what your friends think of your job?
uh, what? i mean, what? no i never really thought about it.
do you care that you smell like sawdust at the end of the day?
well, seeing as how i've smelled sawdust since before i can remember, i am going to have to say no. i actually love the smell and wouldn't change it for anything.
how do you get customers to pay outstanding bills?
ex-girlfriend style. (what?). oh you want me to explain? okay, we start off real nice, just want to chat things over. then we call again, a little less agreeable, then we call again and we just are downright angry and annoying. just like an ex-girlfriend. it works well, and people will pay because they are tired of seeing the phone light up with our number...
here is the humdinger of all humdinger questions: so do you have a crush on your boss?
uh, what? (keep in mind i have to repeat these questions when i answer them...) do i have a crush on my boss? well, that is a loaded question, huh? i mean, he is 26 (? i think) and has his own business, what's not attractive about that...(of course it probably wasn't as eloquent and i probably looked like a tomato, but whatever).

judging by the first two weeks, i could tell that this place was going to be fun and probably get me into a lot of trouble. but ya know what, asking for forgiveness is a lot easier than asking for permission in my book...

now here we are over 2 years later and i am still here. i've learned a lot, like how to calculate board foot (or what it is for that matter), but not just about lumber. i've learned the stress of running a small business, of dealing with snot nosed customers, dealing with snot nosed vendors, how to smile through it all and most importantly how to use a really really southern accent to your advantage. try it some time ladies, it is like a wonder drug. i guess that's probably not the most important thing, it's probably something soft and cuddly like how much my relationships with the people here mean to me, but the southern accent one is just too good to pass up. oh diet soda is like liquid crack....

fight for what you love and love what you fight for. it's a vicious endless circle, but it keeps me sane...almost.

word vomit....

it’s wednesday and it’s raining. could you make a worse combination if you tried? i am not entirely convinced, but i am sure there is someway to make it worse….and oh wait, i’ve just found it, the internet is going in and out and it’s cold. i am currently (i clearly mean, me and the two dogs) are huddled by the wood stove, pretending that a. we aren’t bored, b. (they don’t have to pee) c. i am not hopped up on diet soda with nowhere to go…it’s like putting a bouncy ball in a confined box and watching it frantically wiggle around trying to find a place to stop and settle (usually my operating speed anyway). it’s just not going to happen and that is something i have vaguely come to terms with. i shouldn’t drink diet soda, but i just love it so. i really am a fan of buying the 93 cent one from Sam’s Club, RaceTrac, Pilot, wherever, and chugging it and annoying the ever living shit out of darwin; he has been known to take them away from me asking for a “sip” and chug the entire thing: “because it’s better that way, if you (me) don’t drink the rest of that. for my sanity and yours.” touche, fact, touche nonetheless. it makes my day more entertaining; i am sure he wishes he could bungee cord me to the chair and watch me squirm so that he doesn’t have to deal with me, but alas, things don’t go as we wish most of the time. hope for the best and plan for the worst right? that is pretty much how i have been living my life the past 6 months or so. walked away from something i knew for over 3 years and did my damndest to not fall apart. it’s november and i am still functioning (some days better than others) and i haven’t fallen apart just quite yet. there have been numerous meltdowns, which i feel i should probably apologize to darwin and my friends for having to be caught in the middle of them, but ya know, shit happens.

days like today are, when the flow chart of ideas going through my head is like driving the autobon in germany: it’s going as fast as possible and it’s dangerous. i often get sidetracked and one tangent leads to about 6 others. which leads me to this post. have you ever just tried to sit down and do something start to finish without stopping, interrupting or getting sidetracked? i have, and i used to be really good at focusing and getting that one task or idea done and moving on to the next one; all with great ease and precision. after over 2 years at Mississippi Wood Trader i find myself lacking the mental ability and drive anymore to make myself sit still and get one task, no matter how menial and small, done without doing 3 others at the same time. i often wonder if maybe i could have handled something better if i would have just taken the time to sort it completely out, and then i promptly forget about it because i have eight million other task in line. i think darwin is rubbing off on me. yet somehow, my organizational overachiever self always steps in and i manage to get everything done. i make lists upon lists and cross things off as i go and then add about 10 more. if you were to read these lists, they would probably look like a bunch of kindergarten gibberish (complete with doodles), which in many cases they actually might be. i am a firm believer in seeing an idea through all its possible outcomes, but sometimes, that may take a day, a month, 2 years, an eternity, i just never really know. usually the best ideas get tossed aside to do something else, like say undoing the Quickbooks disaster that darwin always manages to create, but they come back to me and i begin to ponder. it’s really hard for me to turn my brain completely off.

today i made myself do one task and complete it before i moved on. do you know how HARD that was for me? hopped up on diet soda and french fries? mmmm french fries….case and point. i am not really sure i actually accomplished that task, or really what that task was. hmm. i am not cut out for corporate America; i like the beach entirely too much to be restricted to this silly “vacation time” you people speak of. i’ve got too much energy to be pent up in a cubicle, and i really, really like my dog. so i came to Mississippi Wood Trader, knowing nothing other than what my uncle has told me: darwin’s young, he’s cool, and he sells lumber. i can sell lumber, right? of course i can, i grew up with it….or at least i made myself believe i could. now that being said, i knew i could never work some where being given one task to do a day. good gracious that sounds miserable. so naturally i pick the place with an energetic boss, skateboards, forklifts, trucks, dogs, the whole nine yards. i love it and it proves that no matter how silly an idea may seem, it could turn out to be the best thing you have ever done.

maybe part of the reason i really enjoy working here, is because the random things that shoot through my brain at Indy 500 speeds, don’t seem quite so crazy. ideas around here come and go, and someone has to take them and filter them and carry through with them. that usually falls to me, and i am okay with that, because organizing is something i crave. it’s almost scary how much i can’t handle unfolded laundry, dishes, papers….it sends me into an absolute tizzy.

so there you have it. this is how my brain works, which coincides quite well with how darwin’s works. we both bounce off each other like toddlers and sometimes we meet in the middle and realize a good idea. which is part of the reason i started this blog; i thought it was a good idea, darwin humored me for the nanosecond he was paying attention, and then viola i made a blog. i am a blogger. ha, now that’s just silly.

P.S. expect a lot of rambling, because after over 4 years of structured History major paper writing, i am tired of filtering thoughts (frankly, i am just tired). ideas come in a rush and this is pretty much how i sound at most times anyway. i talk too fast, and i think too much, so it comes out in a jumble and you just have to piece it together and bear with me…it takes a second to get used to, but i find it works best.

sidewalk chalk...

it's monday. i hate mondays; i am fairly convinced that the entire world hates mondays. anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. it's inevitable; somewhere there is a murphy's law explaining mondays and why to avoid them at all costs...but mondays around here go one of two ways. one: it's an absolutely non stop, no holds bar, forget to eat lunch, wake up on the floor, shit-show. bona fide, tried and true, and never fails. or option two: we do nothing, and stare at each other all day. as much fun as option two may seem, it makes for a long day....

enveloped in option one also comes darwin. now let me give you a little insight on darwin. no fewer than 15 ideas are swirling through his head at any given moment. so that in turn means that i get the task of mentally filing, researching, and remembering of these said ideas. take a step back, and just imagine the flow chart of tasks that goes through my head on any given day....it takes an act of God and Congress, but somehow, in the over 2 years of working here, i have managed to delegate and relegate the important, the slightly less important, the silly, and the downright outrageous, and come out relatively sane and unscathed (let's use relatively loosely here). if you let him, he will pull you in 8 million directions. if you can stand your ground and hold on you will be fine, but finding that balance takes time, and is something that not everyone can master...."we had a great partnership, in that no matter how crazy an idea i'd come up with, it was not crazy to her - until proved to be unrealistic." "...communicate to everyone why he or she had to take some of my more radical ideas seriously or at least humor me until i forgot about them." Let My People Go Surfing pg. 42.

with that being said, today has been a rather busy day. we've sold some stuff, we've unsold some stuff...the usual. however, i had the grand and exciting task this morning of measuring some walnut slabs and chalking the dimensions on them....easy enough. WRONG. in a warehouse where we have no fewer than 8 measuring tapes (probably grossly underestimated), i can find none. not a single solitary little one. i mean how, how is that even possible? i've searched all the vehicles, all the forklifts, all the tables...EVERYWHERE. none to be found; not to mention, chalk...ha...what chalk? that's just silly and absurd if you think we have any of those buggers laying around. so i've now wandered the gigantour warehouse 3 times in battle for these measuring tapes. FINALLY, i spy an appropriately painted bright "SHOOT ME NOW" SATAN ORANGE. you may ask how i missed that the first go round, even maybe the second, but you have yet to see what i must put up with on an organizational level here in the hovel. so finally, i've struck gold and can measure.

i cannot, however, chalk...infuriating...so that leads me to a wonderful little store called Staples. they have that easy button, that always seems to be just out of reach down here, but i digress. so i stroll into staples, eating my sandwich (multitasking per usual), and get some sidewalk chalk. the see it from space, no breaking these bad boys, chalk. i sort of feel like that kindergarten kid who can't quite grip the regular pencil or crayon and has to use the big ones, but that is a story for another time...

this is just a small glimpse into what my day has been.

slabs - measure - chalk - email - pricing - email some more - appointments - post office - bills - bank....you get the picture. 400 little things, to keep this afloat. it's hectic, it's fun, and it sure beats sitting in a cubicle....

well, well, well

so today, i decided that starting a blog would be a good idea (read: huge deterrent from being an adult). with that being said, i guess i should start off by saying why i started this blog. i work for Mississippi Wood Trader, a specialty lumber company in atlanta, and not only do i believe in the product we produce, but i also find some of the happenings around here to be absolutely hysterical: i.e. forklifts falling in sinkholes...

now this lumber company. we do specialty wood...ha...but seriously we take trees that have been felled from atlanta and some of it's surrounding areas and turn it into functionally useable lumber (floors, moulding, you get the idea. and if not, then woah...). it's a cool concept, saves the environment, and ya know, gives ya a huge chip on your shoulder of accomplishment. pretty awesome right? what 24 year old girl wouldn't want to come home everyday smelling like wood...er, lumber? but honestly, i grew up in this environment and i wouldn't have it any other way. i am a tomboy who occasionally, very occasionally, like to get pretty and dress up. (always makes for a fun ridicule filled day at work).

so the name: blueprints and power tools. blueprints, because i have to look at them a lot, in various and sundry forms. if you aren't careful they will make your eyes cross, and you also may need a neuroscience degree to translate them...furthermore, blueprints because we are a small company and we are pretty much flying solo and learning from our mistakes. which is harder at some times than others, but also gives us freedom to grow and become what we truly want to be. which is glorified hippies, with power tools, who like to drink copious amounts of beer and or vodka, and make beautiful one of a kind products that you will talk about for years to come. now the fun part: POWER TOOLS...(i don't use caps, but when i do, you can guarantee it's because of something that makes me very happy). i digress, power tools: one of the most fun things in the entire world. they are loud, they are dangerous, and they shoot things (most of them at least). i grew up with power tools, i've been around them my whole life, i get to use them at work. what more could a girl ask for? i mean come on i get to play with glorified weapons all day...

i can't promise a post a day, but i can promise an honest blog about honest people. follow along and see where this journey takes us...