the proverbial fan.

remember that time i told you that darwin was going out of town and it was time to get all of our ducks in a row as to ensure things ran smoothly and there were no crises (yes that is plural of crisis and yes i realize that it looks stupid) that i would have to handle.

well. we all know how that usually turns out. shit hitting the proverbial fan. and yes, you guessed it. shit.hit.the.fan.

that sure is some nice manure you have there good sir.

as i told you before, we had a big job that we shipped out a week ago. we were so happy that we got everything done on time and delivered without too many surprises. well, SURPRISE. they under-ordered or someone missed a take-off section. neither here nor there, but they were short material.

guess who got to solve that dilemma? if you guessed me, then you are correct.

want to know what involved solving that dilemma?

-schlepping heart pine
-reschlepping heart pine
-selling my soul to millwork
-reselling my soul to millwork
-bombing around kennesaw while my soul was at millwork
-SOOOOO MUCH CAFFEINE
-getting home at 630 on a friday
-getting up at 6 on a saturday
-finding out the finishing guy has a chest cold and you are now in charge of finishing 500SF
-praia rolling in compost heap waste
-showering off compost heap waste
-trying not to vomit while showering off compost heap waste
-schlepping more heart pine
-breaking into a 5 gallon container of velvit oil (crow bar and screw drivers involved)
-lining up over 500SF of heart pine (over 10' long)
-crouching around wiping on velvit oil
-trying not to die of velvit oil inhalation

you know the usual.

and you know what made it all worth it? well aside from satisfaction and pride: getting to do it all again today.

i really should add heart pine schlepper to my resume (right under fork lift extractor. i should also really come up with more glamorous names for these things.)

now comes the fun part. selling my soul to millwork again tomorrow to get 650LF of walnut run so that i can finish it tomorrow so that all this material can ship out wednesday morning bright and early.

wish me luck.

ciao. 


**picture

happiness portfolio...

we've come full circle again folks. it's a new year. which again means, a new you.

everyone makes their own resolutions and this time last year i stated "so cheers to 2011. it most certainly can't be worse than 2010. well at least not for me, because if it is, my poor little brain and soul can't handle it..."  well guess what? 2011, not my most stellar year.

at the risk of completely repeating myself: here's to 2012. because it most decidedly cannot be worse than 2011.

i've already decided to make sure that 2012 beats out 2011. clearly there are things that are out of my control (ahem: car being stolen, economy, etc), but i am going to do my best to make sure that i stay positive. the best anyone can really hope for is to stay positive right? well that's what i am banking on.

this idea mainly came about when i started reading the book: The Happiness Project by: Gretchen Rubin. i haven't really delved that far into the book, because it's fairly straightforward and easy to figure out where it is all going. i will most certainly donate some more time to reading it, but i am going to start from what i know about this book and it's to start realistic goals and do something for yourself. other people don't always understand why you are doing something, and most of the time are not very receptive to the idea of taking an entire year (or whatever time you have allotted) and devoting it to your self. but who cares about what they think anyway right?

sifting through your life and deciding what exactly it is that makes you happy is not exactly the easiest feat to undertake. you have to take time, and time is just not something out there in ample abundance these days. so, the first step in this "happiness project" is to take time. simple. take time. turn off and unplug.

seeing as i don't have internet at my house and i don't have a heck of a lot of interest in the television, this should be fairly easy. well it's not. you find a multitude of other things to occupy your time. and for me, sitting still is like asking a little kid if they never want to eat cake again. just ain't going to happen.

because how can you not say aww to that face?

take today for instance. i am sitting here writing this blog and i am also: proofreading and rewriting said blog, cleaning, phone calling, quickbooksing, multiple 'ings. i've learned after many years that i am not so great at the one task at a time thing. my brain can't focus for that long. the one thing that i am fairly good at doing without distraction is taking naps....not sleeping, oh no, not sleeping. taking naps. the going the bed at night and sleeping thing - ha! - haven't done that in quite a while. but naps....man i can dominate a nap. they are however, few and far between which saddens me, because i LOVE naps.

okay enough rambling. i've made a short list for my happiness project, perhaps i'll change it to my happiness portfolio, this way i can add and subtract as i wish. i will keep you posted as when i finalize the first round.

i haven't got any terribly funny work stories. well i have one, but i'll write it later this week. you know when i have all that free time and am not multitasking.....

ciao.

telephone wars...

slow down, you move too fast, you've got make the morning last...

i often sing this song. i also think i have written a post with a similar theme; hell it may even have those lyrics in it. i resisted the crushing urge to put down: monday, monday. can't trust that day. i know for a fact i have used that one.

back to the task at hand. well the one of 18 tasks at hand. telling you all my life story through a series of funny events that happen to me in and around work. they always relate back to something i've previously done. i try to tell that story without giving out too much detail. i like secrets. well that's not entirely true. secrets can just about ruin anything. i think legitimately the only thing secrets can't ruin are surprises. but that's probably because surprises are glorified secrets with a big bow wrapped around them. alas, that is a discussion for another time and another place, and preferably with a few cocktails attached.

i don't do a lot of the philosophical inner search that is the big rage these days. not a huge fan of fads in general, but sometime i find myself racing so fast that i literally feel as if my heart may explode out of my chest. i am having one of those moments. i had one this morning as well when my alarm went off at 6. i hadn't slept well, i was cold, and the last thing i wanted to do was leave my happy place. that dream world where everything ends up sunshine and roses, and if something bad happens, all you have to do is wake up and take a deep breath and go back to sleep. if life were that easy i would most certainly have things further figured out. i can guarantee you that. if it was just as simple as i am going to sleep through this trial and tribulation until it becomes a treasure of sorts, then i think the entire world would be asleep. nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, would get done.

but man could you imagine the i don't want to be here anymore button? that would be a disaster. because you have to face those trials and tribulations. if you don't you can't grow as a person. if you can't grow as a person, then you are a glorified toddler, and that is just terrible. i mean i laugh and i joke as if i am not a four year old playing an adult, but in reality when things need to get done, i'll get them done. albeit begrudgingly.

now comes to the point, where i stop babbling - ha, right - and wheel this puppy back on course. as you know, or may not because i don't really think anyone actually reads this except for my dad - HEY DAD!, but we've started a furniture line - Urban Reclaimed. this furniture line i think may be the death of me. my previous posts talk about starting the company and figuring out which way is up and which way is bankrupt (see what i did there...), but today i am realizing something i've always known about myself....public enemy number 1 for me is the telephone. ever since i was little, i had a strange aversion to the phone. i am a girl, i should love to talk on the phone for hours, right? well i must be wired wrong, because if my phone never made another annoyingly pleading noise at me again, i would be just fine. but that apparently is not how the world works....damn.

so now here i sit facing the conundrum that is the telephone. because in order to make sales happen, i have to use the phone. the biggest problem i see here, aside from the phone having to be used, is the fact that i am absolutely terrified of sales calls. e-mail me or text me all day and i will make it happen. use the phone...hmm, not so much. now the flip-side of this is that i am actually quite good at using the phone when it comes to solving bills, calling for pricing on stuff, lying to customers (that's a joke...), ya know, the keep the company afloat things. i am good at that. the moment you tell me it's a sales call. WHAM, i am instantly nervous, nauseous, and a clammy mess. it's an attractive look.

so now is where i sit at a crossroads. how does one overcome their fear of the phone? how does anyone do it? well, they repeatedly do it until, it no longer scares the absolute dog shit out of them. i am not a big fan of that tactic. i am as i previously stated, a big fan of the hide under the covers until it passes over tactic.

i guess what i am saying is wish me luck...why does it always have to be about luck? why don't schools have a class on proper phone techniques? why? i'll tell you why, because no one in their right mind would sign up for it. you would have to rename it something. something like - you will make an A in this class if all you do is bring your cell phone....that would get people coming. not staying, but coming.

so cheers to the telephone. if you wouldn't mind letting it kick to voicemail when i call for sales, i would greatly appreciate it...

ciao.

adventures in small business...

after a complete and utter meltdown last week (absolutely terrible week) i was attempting to start this week off on a bit of a better step, by obtaining a vehicle. yes folks, two months in the making but i finally have a car that is my own. a car, car. not even an suv. a car. a bright red jetta tdi. keeping it a diesel family around here. it sure is pretty and shiny. her name is charley.

i feel like when i started this job there should have been one of those yes, no flow charts. if yes proceed to this space, if no follow this line, etc. etc. that would be a very useful piece of paper to have when i started in the small business world. i grew up with a small business, so i should of at least known some of the perils, but apparently i was blind to them. i would like to thank my parents for keeping me blind to such information. in the long run it is best, because you never lose enthusiasm for projects that are sure to implode into your face. you tend to take more risks and be a bit more adventurous when you aren't privy to all the consequences that may be rendered. failing never crosses your mind as an option when you don't know how to fail. all i ever knew was try, try again. if it still doesn't work try even harder. nothing is so unobtainable that you should give up midway. well at least that's my point of view on life.

i've had my fair share of first world troubles. i say first world because it's not as if i am out on the street, scrounging for food and spare change. i've got a pretty sweet set up. some days it's hard to see that, but somedays it's blatantly clear to me. with that being said, it's been a trying year. we will count this year as a school year - august to august. most of them have been trivial, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, working for a small company is very tiring and all encompassing.

i love what i do and i will never walk away, but somedays it's like repeatedly getting punched while you are down. especially when you have done nothing wrong. it's flat out terrible. you can't breathe, everything hurts, you can forget about sleeping, and the worrying. the worrying is the worst. it puts that knot in your stomach that makes you feel like you are constantly on the verge of throwing up. you get so crazy you don't know whether to laugh or to cry. the past two weeks had been like that here. everywhere you turn someone else is throwing in a punch. you try and stand still to avoid it, but it makes it worse. every move you make is another trap. everyone has those days when all you can think is "i just can't win," but when they last for months at a time, it gets to the point where every breath you take feels like a sumo wrestler is standing on your chest.

i'm slowly putting the pieces back together, but man it is difficult sometimes. when you care so much about the company you work for it's hard to see it in a bind. especially when you would do anything for the people you work with or in my case (seeing as i am the only employee) work for. they become your family and nothing is harder than worrying about your family. no one wants to see people they care immensely about have a tough time. you do anything to make sure they know you are rooting for them. but being the cheerleader is a big responsibility. it's tough work. sometimes that smile is fighting back tears, but more often than not that smile shows the world that you believe and you refuse to give up.

i believe. albeit a lot of times that smile is really holding back tears, but man i promise you i keep on believing. if you can't believe then you've got a big problem staring at you. the moment you stop believing is the moment doubt enters and sabotages everything you have worked for. and i mean everything. all of it comes crashing down. maybe not all at one time, but so fast that some of it that falls you would never in a million years guessed would.

it takes a tough person to run in the small business rodeo circuit. i'm pretty tough. not as tough as i should be in certain situations, but i'm working on it. i'm also working on being calmer. that one i am still not very good at. i know when i am falling apart, and i also know that i haven't mastered the art of deception. you can read me like an open book. happy, sad, angry. all of it. right there for the world to see. working with/for darwin i have learned a lot about myself. i have also learned a lot of things that are pertinent to survival around here. when to cry, when to yell. those are all things that are only appropriate at certain times. i by no means have perfected those, but i'm getting better. some days i just give up and let it out, but some days you can't. you've got to be the strong one. the one who fights for what's theirs (ours) and sticks to their guns.

so let this be a lesson in small business. be tough. be really really tough. but never, ever, ever forget who you are and who you want to be. you will get eaten alive if you don't stay grounded. surround yourself with people you love and trust. they will understand when the world is crumbling you just need that one hug, that one phone call, that one (or 12) beers. they have no idea the hardships, but they know how to be there for you. that's all anyone can ask for. i have a lot of that and i am eternally grateful for the countless hours on the phone to home about how i am imploding, or to my best friend for going rock climbing with me because she knew i needed it even though she felt like vomiting, to my boss who knows when to let me freak out and how to handle me at my best and at my worst. these are more than any girl could ever ask for, and i hope that i am at least half as good as they are.

ciao.

ch. ch. ch. ch. chaaaaaanges

it is absolutely disgusting outside. things that are terrible to do when it's this hot outside:

-car shop
-manual labor
-be outside

so seeing as i have done all those things already today (and yesterday) i am sitting inside blogging for your reading pleasure.

ch. ch. ch. ch. chaaaaaangesssss. turn and face the strain...chhhh chhanges.

yes big changes are happening around here. stay tuned for that.

but on a lazy blogging note. check out this awesome website i found today...via twitter...don't judge me...

http://www.raptitude.com/2009/07/88-important-truths-ive-learned-about-life/

because i know you all are lazy, i will include the contents of this link at the end of my list of suggestions of the one's you should read....you're welcome

so here are the ones i particularly like:

1, nine, 12, 15, twenty-nine, 31, FORTY TWO, 64, 67, 74, SEVENTY-SEVEN, eight-seven

"1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive. And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present a candid version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match your own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will help them not hurt others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us strongly biased towards or against something. This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be. It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.

64. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the experience of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying. Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a small amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips. I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back."

ciao.

BIG CHANGES..

back in the saddle again.

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

oh ralph, words have never been more true. now if i could just find a way to actually follow said words....

flustered.

with darwin being gone for a week, i am back in the commander in chief saddle. i feel like i am at a rodeo riding a bull and holding on for dear life. by about 10:15 this morning, i was already flustered with today.

this past week was not my week to say the least:

-almost cried at work - ALMOST

-screwed up an order

-had my car stolen

-had my purse stolen

-had my rock climbing gear stolen

-had my camera stolen

-had my sunglasses stolen

-had my house broken into while i was there

needless to say, things have been rough.

BUT i am okay, and i am work currently playing commander in chief like i mentioned before. so that means that i get to put out all the fires. makes for an exciting monday. i am thinking that maybe i should just rename myself empress and do whatever i feel like doing. anyone in on that plan?

things i would do then:

-put in a zipline at work

-put in some sort of foam pit

-swimming pool

-monster trucks - i feel like it would be entertaining

-no fridays (we've already enacted that)

-no customer whining day. that would be fantastic

-everything would be done via e-mail. - well on our way for that....

-water balloon fight day/with a side of supersoakers...

-no cell phone day (week and or month)

i could get used to being empress...

ciao.

oh if you happen to find any or all these items: car, hobo wallet, rock climbing gear, ray-bans: please return them to me and in return you get to punch the culprit in the face for your awesomeness and the safe return of said items.

wishing and hoping.

tim robbins once said: "...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." that quote is from his character andy dufresne in shawshank redemption for those of you living in a hole. perhaps a crater. i'm not entirely positive how you would not know this quote in some shape or fashion, unless you lived in a crater or on the moon. oh, yes on the moon, in a crater. that must be it.

my last post was about faith being a bluebird and believing in something and holding on tight. because if you don't believe in something then what exactly is your purpose? believe in whatever you want, cheese, chocolate, diet coke, puppies, naps, grammar, math, rainbows, unicorns, zombies, god, literature...whatever, just pick something. i have many things that i believe in, for better or for worse, i will always believe in them. even if someone tells you it is silly, keep on believing; prove them wrong. so there in lies the holding on tight. one thing i personally like to believe in is childhood. when you were a kid you believed you could do anything. you were out to prove to the world that you could in fact be WHATEVER you wanted. nothing was too preposterous to be when you grew up. i'm just having a hard time grappling with that whole growing up part. i've gotten older and i've stepped up to my responsibilities, but i'm still a little kid searching.

my entire life i've never known what i wanted to be when i grew up; mainly because i never actually wanted grow up. kind of like peter pan. but then again, i always knew that i wanted to do something with my life. i wanted to make my mark in some way. i didn't know what that would be, but i was sure as shit going to try and find out. i'm still trying to find out and one of these days i'll figure something out and let you know, but for the moment here's to hoping.

i've got a lot of faith in hope. and i've always been a very hopeful person. so i guess i've got that going for me. a lot of faith and even more hope. and dreams. so. many. dreams. and hey, if andy dufresne says that hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies and morgan freeman believed him, then why on earth should i doubt him? that just would be silly and illogical.

at this exact moment, i am believing and have faith and hope in one thing in particular, aside from childhood, and that's a great company that is destined to do big (read: huge) things. and for right now, that's enough for me. maybe it won't always be, but it is for now, and i am okay with that. nothing is better than participating in something you believe in and seeing it grow to it's full potential. mark my words: nothing. absolutely nothing.

bluebirds.

so last year was not such a great year for us. it wasn't a particularly great year for anyone truthfully, but it was reallllll (pronounced ruhl) bad for us. we toyed with the idea of shutting down, cutting back hours, finding other things to do, move to tahiti...all the scenarios came through. (i still personally like the tahiti one...a girl can dream right?).

we made it though. we've got a few battle scars and we will never forget what we saw and experienced, but we are still here fighting the good fight. most days...we have learned that it is okay to take a day or week off. the company isn't going to fall apart. if you need a break, take the break. it does no one any good to sit around in a horrid stressed out mood...unless of course there is diet coke and i can annoy the ever living shit out of you...that i am reallllll GOOD at...realllll good.

there were a few highlights from last year despite all the terrible:

-believe in something, anything. just believe and hold on tight
-dream the impossible. dreams keep you sane.
-friends love you no matter your dollar amount net worth
-if they don't then they weren't true friends and karma will catch up...
-it's okay to ask for help (still working on that one...)
-big changes are scary, but exciting. just take the plunge.
-live without regrets. they require entirely too much energy to maintain.
-trust fully. without it, all you get are doubts.
-always trust yourself. you can do more than you think
-sometimes beer and ice cream do solve all of life's problems
-if you don't know the answer. fake it. most people just want an answer.
-faith is a blue bird

those are just some of the things that i have come to learn from 2010. oh i've also learned to take what darwin says with a grain of salt. normally he is correct and i listen to him. but i have also learned that we are really gung-ho to do something for about 2 weeks. then it fizzles. or that when he says he wants to wait to do something, he actually means he wants to do it right then. and that he wants to talk something out, but he's already made up his mind.

silly boys.

ciao.

"Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star, you can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same, making things turn out right." - The Rescuers

mantras....

working for a small company has it pluses and minuses (i am sure working for multinational conglomerate corporation big malarky companies also does too, but this i know nothing about, and i personally do like to make assumptions; because that makes an ass out of you and 'mption - whoever that may be...). but anyway, everyone plays the plus minus game in life, it's all a matter of what you see as pluses and if you are willing to overlook a few minuses to stay ahead.

now that being said. this game can get tricky, because what may seem like a plus may turn out to be a HUGE minus, or vice versa, and completely throw off your ratio. you want everything to come up sunshine and roses, but it doesn't always work out the way you plan. you can plan and plan and plan, but something will inevitably throw a wrench into your well thought out plan. i like to tell darwin that i can plan for the best, but i do much better when i plan for the worst and hope for the best. going into situations knowing they may not end up perfectly, helps you remember to go with the flow and what is meant to be will be. everything happens for a reason and it will most decidedly work out in the end. however, the waiting game and the constant grinning do get old. i will be the first to admit that waiting is absolutely terrible and trying to find the reasoning behind things happening sucks, but i have come to learn to stop looking and start living.

it's part of my 2011 mantra. just let it be. it is january 21st and i have broken that mantra approximately 3 times already. that is a one a week mantra breaking. not exactly the best record, but old habits die hard, right? well mine do at least. if i have learned anything from the past, it's that i do not do well with knowing when to throw in the towel. i have to keep reminding myself that i haven't quit, i've just decided to take another route.

there are many pluses that come with my job...and also some minuses. 9 times out of 10 the pluses overshadow the minuses to the point where its almost as if they aren't even real. some days however (3 of them so far) the minuses come up and rear their ugly heads...i would like to say that i am an adult and can handle it with grace and poise, but that's just laughable. i am toddler. i freak out (on my own time, ahem, mostly on my own time). it's usually a 3 day funk period and then something funny happens and you remember that not everything has to be so serious....

let it be. happiness. bravery. fearless. stop looking and start living.

ciao.

bravery.

i acquired a bracelet while on sabbatical from atlanta this past weekend. it says "love life" and on the back it says "be brave." it's a simple bracelet, but i am a huge fan of it. (mainly bracelets in general, but in particular this one...for right now at least...)

working for a small company involves a lot of bravery. you have to face your fears, stand up for what is right, and most of all follow your dreams. with that being said, i have had to face a lot of fears in the past two years. i am not afraid of much, mainly irrational things (snakes, spiders, jetskis...), but some things are intimidating and quite scary around here. people in general scare me a bit. i am an extremely nervous and awkward person (it's okay, i've embraced it...). it's my quirk, we've all got them, now you just have to figure out how to live with them.

facing my fears was something that was immediately apparent to me that had to be done. i'm still not great at some things, like say the phone, but i am working on them. i have gotten better at my interpersonal skills, but the problem lies in when people become pushy. i have learned to channel that frustration elsewhere, but sometimes i get overwhelmed. (hence the sabbatical).

being awkward has it's perks though. i am not above the awkward stare down or the awkward pause, they just don't bother me. some people however cannot handle them, and that is where i hone my awkwardyness (?) skills.

i have learned through many trials and tribulations however that most of the time people do not take what i say seriously. they want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth...ahem, darwin's mouth. i mean i get it, i sound like i am twelve, and i look about as smart as oh i don't know a bale of hay, but seriously. i am very smart, and i know an inordinate amount about wood (oh let the jokes just roll on in on that one...). i don't claim to know everything (okay, you got me there, i am italian, so i know everything or at least can make something up), but if you stop and listen to what i have said and then listen to was said horse says, they are one in the same.

so here is a little adventure in purchasing tires for a F-350 dually. it goes a little something like this...

"hey dot."
"hmm."
"can you drive the dually to kauffman and get new tires please? they have already been ordered. we only need two. tell them to use the front tires as the outer tires on the back and put the new tires on the front."
"mmkay. sure sure, whatever."

driving along in massive vehicle in the ghetto...HARK what is that i see and hear? a nice african american gentleman singing to me. SINGING! a little diddy something like this: "white girl in the ghetto. she's driving a big ole truck. white girl in the ghetto. she should be an ad for trucks..." PHENOMENAL! i love being serenaded in the ghetto. makes my heart flutter all crazy like.

moving forward. kauffman tire. -

"umm, hi my boss called in some tires for that rig over there." (pointing and looking ensues).
"sure sure.." computer pitter patter...after much confusing, tires have been located....GEE WHIZ.

now here is where the fun really begins...

"okay, i want you to take the two new tires and put them on the front of the truck. take those front tires and put them on the back outside tires..." -simple enough?-
"so new tires on the back, back to front and dispose front."
"um, no." re-explain.
"right, that's what i said..."
"i don't think so. i just want to make sure it's right." now the hand motions, with descriptions get involved...
"oh okay, i see what you mean now." FINALLY

i leave kauffman and then get a phone call. the front tires don't fit on the back...what? hold on, hold on, talk to darwin...darwin - did you take them off and remount them on the back? like take them off the wheel hub? oh uh, no no i did not. IDIOTS. mainly because these wheel hubs are completely different from front to back....

case in point. hook line and sinker. signed, sealed, delivered. all of those euphemisms apply here...

like running a three ring circus. so be brave, stand your ground, face your fears. that's the mantra i keep on repeat these days. it's tough (i highly recommend the occasional sabbatical), but somebody has got to do it right?

hgtv famous...

once upon a time, there was a 21 year old female college graduate who was unemployed. now you may be wondering who on earth i could be talking about. it's me silly. hahaha, i'm so clever i know. this is the story of how i came to be working for this lovely little operation (i resisted the urge to rewrite the fresh prince with my own lyrics...) down here in the ghetto of atlanta (wave to the ted when you come down, or the dome, or the crackhead; whatever suits your fancy).

i graduated from the university of georgia in may of 2008. i was happy to be done with school, but that awesomeness was soon deflated by moving and realizing i had no job. and not only did i have no job, i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. who does when they are 21? if you are one of those people that does, then i will warn you of what is about to happen. i hate you. there i said it, i hate you. there are just too many options to be bothered with picking one silly little day job. so i naturally did what any graduate does: move in with best friend in a new city, check; "look" for jobs from approximately 11-1, check; go to the pool all summer long, double check. that made for a great summer for me, until i got the call of death: "listen we love you and are proud of your accomplishments, but GET A JOB!" point taken...let the search commence.

once i was thoroughly convinced that i was not actually employable, my uncle calls me and says that he met this guy, darwin, who sell really cool wood. eh, okay. he needs someone to help him out a couple of days a week, so i gave him your e-mail and phone number. eh, okay. it was one of those rare mornings that i was up at 630 (those are still rare...) and received a phone call at 7 and answered it (also another rarity). low and behold it was darwin, wanting to know if i could come in that day and talk with him about working there. sure sure of course of course; when, where, how on earth do i get there? the ghetto you say, ah i know a thing or two about ghetto hopping, sure i'll be there at 11, sounds magical. so i go and can say i am immediately awestruck at what i see. a. the ghetto (that was no joke, might have hit a crackhead with a shopping cart full of cans to recycle...) b. a giant warehouse painted blue c. people running around like chickens with their heads cut off cutting up wood....this could be fun. i find darwin, easier said that done. and we chat for oh all of 10 minutes and he looks at me and says can you start tomorrow, say come in around 9? uh, tomorrow? as in the day after today, as in approximate 22 hours? yea, i mean i guess...i'll have to check my busy calendar, who am i kidding, OF COURSE. next question: can you work quickbooks? uh, stammer stammer, sure? darwin: works for me...alrighty deal, one catch though, i am going to the beach on friday (ahem, exhibit a of why corporate america and me just don't jive) and won't be back until next thursday. darwin: sounds fun, have a good time, see you tomorrow. well alright then, looks like i have just become partially employed. score one for dot....

so i've been at work for let's say 2 weeks or so, it's almost my birthday (i am a toddler about my birthday, really a toddler in general, but if presents are involved you can bet your ass i will be more excited than any little kid could ever be), and i have just begun to learn the ropes. answer the phone, tell them yes yes we most certainly can do that, write everything down, pass said papers to darwin. approximately 1 out of 5 actually will get read and you just have to keep reshuffling and hand them to him again. not efficient, but i've only been here 2 weeks. i didn't know back then that i could actually bully darwin into paying attention for longer than a nanosecond or that it really is hard to get in trouble around here, short of setting the place on fire of course...well this is when darwin tells me, hey HGTV filmed me a couple of months ago for a segment they did on green companies (or something of the like). i nod along, not entirely knowing where this is going...and he goes, so they want to come film some more and maybe give us a tv show...SAY WHAT? they are coming thursday (or something) so just a heads up. i work thursdays...okay, WAIT WAIT WAIT, thursday is my birthday...could a birthday get any better than that? needless to say, it can't. except when they start asking you all these awkward questions....

do you worry about what your friends think of your job?
uh, what? i mean, what? no i never really thought about it.
do you care that you smell like sawdust at the end of the day?
well, seeing as how i've smelled sawdust since before i can remember, i am going to have to say no. i actually love the smell and wouldn't change it for anything.
how do you get customers to pay outstanding bills?
ex-girlfriend style. (what?). oh you want me to explain? okay, we start off real nice, just want to chat things over. then we call again, a little less agreeable, then we call again and we just are downright angry and annoying. just like an ex-girlfriend. it works well, and people will pay because they are tired of seeing the phone light up with our number...
here is the humdinger of all humdinger questions: so do you have a crush on your boss?
uh, what? (keep in mind i have to repeat these questions when i answer them...) do i have a crush on my boss? well, that is a loaded question, huh? i mean, he is 26 (? i think) and has his own business, what's not attractive about that...(of course it probably wasn't as eloquent and i probably looked like a tomato, but whatever).

judging by the first two weeks, i could tell that this place was going to be fun and probably get me into a lot of trouble. but ya know what, asking for forgiveness is a lot easier than asking for permission in my book...

now here we are over 2 years later and i am still here. i've learned a lot, like how to calculate board foot (or what it is for that matter), but not just about lumber. i've learned the stress of running a small business, of dealing with snot nosed customers, dealing with snot nosed vendors, how to smile through it all and most importantly how to use a really really southern accent to your advantage. try it some time ladies, it is like a wonder drug. i guess that's probably not the most important thing, it's probably something soft and cuddly like how much my relationships with the people here mean to me, but the southern accent one is just too good to pass up. oh diet soda is like liquid crack....

fight for what you love and love what you fight for. it's a vicious endless circle, but it keeps me sane...almost.