happiness portfolio...

we've come full circle again folks. it's a new year. which again means, a new you.

everyone makes their own resolutions and this time last year i stated "so cheers to 2011. it most certainly can't be worse than 2010. well at least not for me, because if it is, my poor little brain and soul can't handle it..."  well guess what? 2011, not my most stellar year.

at the risk of completely repeating myself: here's to 2012. because it most decidedly cannot be worse than 2011.

i've already decided to make sure that 2012 beats out 2011. clearly there are things that are out of my control (ahem: car being stolen, economy, etc), but i am going to do my best to make sure that i stay positive. the best anyone can really hope for is to stay positive right? well that's what i am banking on.

this idea mainly came about when i started reading the book: The Happiness Project by: Gretchen Rubin. i haven't really delved that far into the book, because it's fairly straightforward and easy to figure out where it is all going. i will most certainly donate some more time to reading it, but i am going to start from what i know about this book and it's to start realistic goals and do something for yourself. other people don't always understand why you are doing something, and most of the time are not very receptive to the idea of taking an entire year (or whatever time you have allotted) and devoting it to your self. but who cares about what they think anyway right?

sifting through your life and deciding what exactly it is that makes you happy is not exactly the easiest feat to undertake. you have to take time, and time is just not something out there in ample abundance these days. so, the first step in this "happiness project" is to take time. simple. take time. turn off and unplug.

seeing as i don't have internet at my house and i don't have a heck of a lot of interest in the television, this should be fairly easy. well it's not. you find a multitude of other things to occupy your time. and for me, sitting still is like asking a little kid if they never want to eat cake again. just ain't going to happen.

because how can you not say aww to that face?

take today for instance. i am sitting here writing this blog and i am also: proofreading and rewriting said blog, cleaning, phone calling, quickbooksing, multiple 'ings. i've learned after many years that i am not so great at the one task at a time thing. my brain can't focus for that long. the one thing that i am fairly good at doing without distraction is taking naps....not sleeping, oh no, not sleeping. taking naps. the going the bed at night and sleeping thing - ha! - haven't done that in quite a while. but naps....man i can dominate a nap. they are however, few and far between which saddens me, because i LOVE naps.

okay enough rambling. i've made a short list for my happiness project, perhaps i'll change it to my happiness portfolio, this way i can add and subtract as i wish. i will keep you posted as when i finalize the first round.

i haven't got any terribly funny work stories. well i have one, but i'll write it later this week. you know when i have all that free time and am not multitasking.....

ciao.

telephone wars...

slow down, you move too fast, you've got make the morning last...

i often sing this song. i also think i have written a post with a similar theme; hell it may even have those lyrics in it. i resisted the crushing urge to put down: monday, monday. can't trust that day. i know for a fact i have used that one.

back to the task at hand. well the one of 18 tasks at hand. telling you all my life story through a series of funny events that happen to me in and around work. they always relate back to something i've previously done. i try to tell that story without giving out too much detail. i like secrets. well that's not entirely true. secrets can just about ruin anything. i think legitimately the only thing secrets can't ruin are surprises. but that's probably because surprises are glorified secrets with a big bow wrapped around them. alas, that is a discussion for another time and another place, and preferably with a few cocktails attached.

i don't do a lot of the philosophical inner search that is the big rage these days. not a huge fan of fads in general, but sometime i find myself racing so fast that i literally feel as if my heart may explode out of my chest. i am having one of those moments. i had one this morning as well when my alarm went off at 6. i hadn't slept well, i was cold, and the last thing i wanted to do was leave my happy place. that dream world where everything ends up sunshine and roses, and if something bad happens, all you have to do is wake up and take a deep breath and go back to sleep. if life were that easy i would most certainly have things further figured out. i can guarantee you that. if it was just as simple as i am going to sleep through this trial and tribulation until it becomes a treasure of sorts, then i think the entire world would be asleep. nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, would get done.

but man could you imagine the i don't want to be here anymore button? that would be a disaster. because you have to face those trials and tribulations. if you don't you can't grow as a person. if you can't grow as a person, then you are a glorified toddler, and that is just terrible. i mean i laugh and i joke as if i am not a four year old playing an adult, but in reality when things need to get done, i'll get them done. albeit begrudgingly.

now comes to the point, where i stop babbling - ha, right - and wheel this puppy back on course. as you know, or may not because i don't really think anyone actually reads this except for my dad - HEY DAD!, but we've started a furniture line - Urban Reclaimed. this furniture line i think may be the death of me. my previous posts talk about starting the company and figuring out which way is up and which way is bankrupt (see what i did there...), but today i am realizing something i've always known about myself....public enemy number 1 for me is the telephone. ever since i was little, i had a strange aversion to the phone. i am a girl, i should love to talk on the phone for hours, right? well i must be wired wrong, because if my phone never made another annoyingly pleading noise at me again, i would be just fine. but that apparently is not how the world works....damn.

so now here i sit facing the conundrum that is the telephone. because in order to make sales happen, i have to use the phone. the biggest problem i see here, aside from the phone having to be used, is the fact that i am absolutely terrified of sales calls. e-mail me or text me all day and i will make it happen. use the phone...hmm, not so much. now the flip-side of this is that i am actually quite good at using the phone when it comes to solving bills, calling for pricing on stuff, lying to customers (that's a joke...), ya know, the keep the company afloat things. i am good at that. the moment you tell me it's a sales call. WHAM, i am instantly nervous, nauseous, and a clammy mess. it's an attractive look.

so now is where i sit at a crossroads. how does one overcome their fear of the phone? how does anyone do it? well, they repeatedly do it until, it no longer scares the absolute dog shit out of them. i am not a big fan of that tactic. i am as i previously stated, a big fan of the hide under the covers until it passes over tactic.

i guess what i am saying is wish me luck...why does it always have to be about luck? why don't schools have a class on proper phone techniques? why? i'll tell you why, because no one in their right mind would sign up for it. you would have to rename it something. something like - you will make an A in this class if all you do is bring your cell phone....that would get people coming. not staying, but coming.

so cheers to the telephone. if you wouldn't mind letting it kick to voicemail when i call for sales, i would greatly appreciate it...

ciao.

it's my party....

sometimes, i am a firm believer that the government is out to get me and perpetually ruin my day. today, practically solidifies my belief. now, anyone who is not just a total waste of space knows that taxes have to get paid. and, by "have to" i mean, totally voluntary but the government will more than likely hunt you down and make you pay out the ass for your mistake....which always makes for a fun day at the post office. (well maybe just for the people standing next to me, when i spaz out and remember yelling profanities in public places is frowned upon. so naturally i mutter them under my breath like a crazy person)

i used to get this letter all the time, telling me that my sales tax payment was late....well guess what GA DOR (georgia department of revenue for you that are abbreviation challenged), i've got news for you.

1. how can i file taxes for a company that doesn't exist?
2. i filed taxes once we got our lovely little "number" from you
3. i filed the back taxes on one page - that was apparently the fatal mistake but not my fault...that would be the quickbooks helper idiot
4. how can one owe more money than the company has made in total sales?
5. how can your dated letter be later than the date on the calendar?
6. my personal favorite - my file by date and my date of return receipt are a good 5 days apart, with the latter being filed sooner than date due...so how does that make me late again?
7. your website to pay sales tax is quite possible the most ill-designed thing i have ever tried to navigate - that's saying a lot because our website is pretty horrific....
8. i hate you
9. i like you a little because i get to you the word 'ergo' in my rebuttal, but then i hate you all over again
10. you waste paper, time and quite frankly, space.

this list could go on for quite a while, but i am sure you get the idea. this is no love-hate relationship. this is a hate-hate relationship. i've gotten pretty good at telling them they are wrong, but it is such a waste of time, not to mention paper. they inevitably send you a letter back stating they received yours and they will get back to you...still waiting on that one....so all in all it totals about 18 pieces of paper that have exchanged hands. stupid. like i said...total waste

so pay your taxes or don't. pay them on time or don't. it apparently doesn't really matter in the end if you are a law abiding small business (law abiding used loosely there) who pays taxes on time they will still try and find a way to screw you over.

oh. yesterday marked my 3 years at work. yes. 3 WHOLE YEARS. that means multiple things. such as:

-i've been out of college for 3 years
-i graduated from high school 7 years ago
-i'm almost 25
-this may be the longest relationship i have ever had
-i've been in atlanta for 3 years
-i have not gone insane (some days that is debatable at best...)

woah. just woah.

ciao.


p.s. check out the september issue of Atlanta magazine and see darwin. pretty cool stuff...

adventures in small business...

after a complete and utter meltdown last week (absolutely terrible week) i was attempting to start this week off on a bit of a better step, by obtaining a vehicle. yes folks, two months in the making but i finally have a car that is my own. a car, car. not even an suv. a car. a bright red jetta tdi. keeping it a diesel family around here. it sure is pretty and shiny. her name is charley.

i feel like when i started this job there should have been one of those yes, no flow charts. if yes proceed to this space, if no follow this line, etc. etc. that would be a very useful piece of paper to have when i started in the small business world. i grew up with a small business, so i should of at least known some of the perils, but apparently i was blind to them. i would like to thank my parents for keeping me blind to such information. in the long run it is best, because you never lose enthusiasm for projects that are sure to implode into your face. you tend to take more risks and be a bit more adventurous when you aren't privy to all the consequences that may be rendered. failing never crosses your mind as an option when you don't know how to fail. all i ever knew was try, try again. if it still doesn't work try even harder. nothing is so unobtainable that you should give up midway. well at least that's my point of view on life.

i've had my fair share of first world troubles. i say first world because it's not as if i am out on the street, scrounging for food and spare change. i've got a pretty sweet set up. some days it's hard to see that, but somedays it's blatantly clear to me. with that being said, it's been a trying year. we will count this year as a school year - august to august. most of them have been trivial, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, working for a small company is very tiring and all encompassing.

i love what i do and i will never walk away, but somedays it's like repeatedly getting punched while you are down. especially when you have done nothing wrong. it's flat out terrible. you can't breathe, everything hurts, you can forget about sleeping, and the worrying. the worrying is the worst. it puts that knot in your stomach that makes you feel like you are constantly on the verge of throwing up. you get so crazy you don't know whether to laugh or to cry. the past two weeks had been like that here. everywhere you turn someone else is throwing in a punch. you try and stand still to avoid it, but it makes it worse. every move you make is another trap. everyone has those days when all you can think is "i just can't win," but when they last for months at a time, it gets to the point where every breath you take feels like a sumo wrestler is standing on your chest.

i'm slowly putting the pieces back together, but man it is difficult sometimes. when you care so much about the company you work for it's hard to see it in a bind. especially when you would do anything for the people you work with or in my case (seeing as i am the only employee) work for. they become your family and nothing is harder than worrying about your family. no one wants to see people they care immensely about have a tough time. you do anything to make sure they know you are rooting for them. but being the cheerleader is a big responsibility. it's tough work. sometimes that smile is fighting back tears, but more often than not that smile shows the world that you believe and you refuse to give up.

i believe. albeit a lot of times that smile is really holding back tears, but man i promise you i keep on believing. if you can't believe then you've got a big problem staring at you. the moment you stop believing is the moment doubt enters and sabotages everything you have worked for. and i mean everything. all of it comes crashing down. maybe not all at one time, but so fast that some of it that falls you would never in a million years guessed would.

it takes a tough person to run in the small business rodeo circuit. i'm pretty tough. not as tough as i should be in certain situations, but i'm working on it. i'm also working on being calmer. that one i am still not very good at. i know when i am falling apart, and i also know that i haven't mastered the art of deception. you can read me like an open book. happy, sad, angry. all of it. right there for the world to see. working with/for darwin i have learned a lot about myself. i have also learned a lot of things that are pertinent to survival around here. when to cry, when to yell. those are all things that are only appropriate at certain times. i by no means have perfected those, but i'm getting better. some days i just give up and let it out, but some days you can't. you've got to be the strong one. the one who fights for what's theirs (ours) and sticks to their guns.

so let this be a lesson in small business. be tough. be really really tough. but never, ever, ever forget who you are and who you want to be. you will get eaten alive if you don't stay grounded. surround yourself with people you love and trust. they will understand when the world is crumbling you just need that one hug, that one phone call, that one (or 12) beers. they have no idea the hardships, but they know how to be there for you. that's all anyone can ask for. i have a lot of that and i am eternally grateful for the countless hours on the phone to home about how i am imploding, or to my best friend for going rock climbing with me because she knew i needed it even though she felt like vomiting, to my boss who knows when to let me freak out and how to handle me at my best and at my worst. these are more than any girl could ever ask for, and i hope that i am at least half as good as they are.

ciao.

back in the saddle again.

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

oh ralph, words have never been more true. now if i could just find a way to actually follow said words....

wishing and hoping.

tim robbins once said: "...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." that quote is from his character andy dufresne in shawshank redemption for those of you living in a hole. perhaps a crater. i'm not entirely positive how you would not know this quote in some shape or fashion, unless you lived in a crater or on the moon. oh, yes on the moon, in a crater. that must be it.

my last post was about faith being a bluebird and believing in something and holding on tight. because if you don't believe in something then what exactly is your purpose? believe in whatever you want, cheese, chocolate, diet coke, puppies, naps, grammar, math, rainbows, unicorns, zombies, god, literature...whatever, just pick something. i have many things that i believe in, for better or for worse, i will always believe in them. even if someone tells you it is silly, keep on believing; prove them wrong. so there in lies the holding on tight. one thing i personally like to believe in is childhood. when you were a kid you believed you could do anything. you were out to prove to the world that you could in fact be WHATEVER you wanted. nothing was too preposterous to be when you grew up. i'm just having a hard time grappling with that whole growing up part. i've gotten older and i've stepped up to my responsibilities, but i'm still a little kid searching.

my entire life i've never known what i wanted to be when i grew up; mainly because i never actually wanted grow up. kind of like peter pan. but then again, i always knew that i wanted to do something with my life. i wanted to make my mark in some way. i didn't know what that would be, but i was sure as shit going to try and find out. i'm still trying to find out and one of these days i'll figure something out and let you know, but for the moment here's to hoping.

i've got a lot of faith in hope. and i've always been a very hopeful person. so i guess i've got that going for me. a lot of faith and even more hope. and dreams. so. many. dreams. and hey, if andy dufresne says that hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies and morgan freeman believed him, then why on earth should i doubt him? that just would be silly and illogical.

at this exact moment, i am believing and have faith and hope in one thing in particular, aside from childhood, and that's a great company that is destined to do big (read: huge) things. and for right now, that's enough for me. maybe it won't always be, but it is for now, and i am okay with that. nothing is better than participating in something you believe in and seeing it grow to it's full potential. mark my words: nothing. absolutely nothing.