memphisism.

i have no fun one liners from the rest of this week. it was a rather uneventful week.

well aside from a guy telling me he had bladder cancer - and then proceeding today to tell darwin the entire story of how he found out. thank you overly zealous life story telling man.

well a couple of weeks ago, darwin, his brother robinson and i were driving around north georgia scouting properties. ya know because of this whole long standing "our landlord sucks at life and is a lowlife scum eating turd face" debacle we are in.

things you see a lot of in north georgia:

-abandoned chicken farms
-abandoned homes
-sweet trailer get-ups
-above ground pools (apparently this is not just a south georgia phenomena)
-lots of winding roads
-very little cell service
-riding tractor/mowers

you know the standard.

speaking of above ground pools. well we saw one of them and i was sitting in the back seat with praia -- while ro was trying no to vomit in the front seat -- and i looked over at it and said, well that is greener than shit.

to which darwin promptly replied: wow you are from memphis.

similar to this, but greener and grosser.

i sometimes forget that there are things that people say in memphis that you just don't hear elsewhere. greener than shit being the front runner at the moment....

back to the search for land...with or without the greener than shit pool...i mean i wouldn't turn down a pool. who does that?

next week is a short week for me. i am leaving thursday for my very best friend's bachelorette party. we are going to the beach and I AM SOOOO EXCITED (see how many caps were in that? that's pure excitement gold right there). which means next week is going to be a shit show.

we only have the rest of a floor to deliver, a pay app to get in, and i am sure something will go terribly wrong. it's guaranteed to in fact. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee work crises.  oh and dolly and 1 forklift are broken...good lousy.

i'll take the work crisis in exchange for the beach any day. mmmm salt water and air....that's the cure right there folks.

mmm ocean sunsets.

ciao.

p.s. i apologize for the number of "shits" (that was eloquently put, no?) in this post. i take that back. no i'm not....shit

source

one.liners.

let the moving commence people.

i can hardly contain my excitement over the thought of moving.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

things that literally happened to me today have led me to the thought that perhaps i should write a book of the amazing one liners i get.

let's paint the scene from today, shall we?:

location - ball ground georgia home depot parking lot

i was sent to purchase us a brand spanking new tool chest. so i take my happy ass on over to the home depot where the one darwin wants is on sale. i find it and purchase it. darwin was going to pick it up tomorrow, but decided last minute that i should just put it in the land rover so it can be transported to his house....

similar to this guy.

i fold down the seats and make a land rover as accommodating as it can be for a british suv. the guys come out with the chest and proceed to tell me they aren't sure it's going to fit. well could you pretty please try? thank you in advance. i'm standing next to the rover and this guy pops around the corner and says: "you sure are a good housewife buying that as a surprise." blank stare. "can i give you my address so you can go and show my wife what appreciation looks like?" blank stare. stutter. smile and back away.

the tool chest fit. 2 36" chests in the back of a rover. quite impressive. the one liners weren't so bad either.


i hear lots of awesome things when working in the lumber business. not all of them are when i am actively doing lumber related activities...

ciao.

p.s. i've decided that the rover's name should be rita.


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penitentiaries.

today i spent the majority of it sitting in my car and looking at storage facilities.

is there some unspoken rule about them having to be completely in the ghetto? i mean good gracious some of those places are sketchy. nothing like barbed wire to evoke trust in people...yeesh. they look like maximum penitentiaries.

source

i literally went to 7 storage places today.

the first one i talked to someone on the phone and then went to see them. holy sketch vegas. not to mention their gate is only open from 8-6. how is that even useful?

the second one went well. very nice husband and wife run company. she was super sweet and loved me.

the third one was okay. kind of treacherous. not the facility, the riding around on the golf cart throughout the facility.

the fourth one i drove up to it and immediately turned around. didn't even get out of the car. ran.away. not too mention there was no way the truck would fit.

the fifth one was actually the winner. close to home, friendly, nice neighborhood, good price.

the sixth one didn't have any drive up units so i drove away from that one.

the seventh one was expensive and convenient. but expensive.

the fun game is that none of these offices open until 930. which makes it difficult to go view them. weeeeeeeeee. awesome. so that was my entire day.

aside from stopping at starbuck's and drinking caffeine. making phone calls. you know the basic day for this kid.

yay moving. shoot.me.in.the.face.

not yet anyway...

ciao.

deadbeat.

that's a lot of red.

remember that to do list i told you about?

well let's pile on some more things to it shall we? just as i thought it was almost completed.

son of a....

things got really interesting yesterday.

our landlord, who is a wonderful talented and amazing human being (NOT), has found himself in some financial trouble. which does not translate into awesomeness for us. not even in the least. not even a tiny, minuscule, minute, wee bit.

fantabulous.

side note: i do not like ray lamontange. realized that about 10 seconds too late. thanks for nothing pandora...i kid, i love you, please don't ever stop playing your delicious music to me.

now where were we? oh yes, deadbeat landlords.

financial trouble you might ask? well. the list is long and obnoxious so i won't bore you with the details. and poor darwin has to take the brunt of it...

mainly because i like to scheme our power bills. listen, i am all about paying my bills, especially when they are delivered in a timely manner, and are full of things that i have purchased/used. now i get cranky when i am asked to pay for things that i did not break/purchase/use. (ask darwin about the new land rover some time, he can tell you how perturbed i was about that one...)

so we have this long standing feud with our LL about our power bill (LL=landlord). so we moved into our shop in the middle of august, but were fully in september 1. so now. here's the fun part. he hands us a power bill dated...wait for it...july-august.

um no.

not relavent, but funny nonetheless.

so we pay it, because LL has no money, because he apparently spent it all on floozies and michelob ultra (that is not true, well it could be, but i have no proof of that...except the mich ultra...). i then deduct that bill from our rent check. seems logical, no? not to redneck LLs.

darwin calms him and explains it....which only requires about 10 minutes of breathe, but about 3 hours of actual time spent, because you know you have to listen to LL bitch and moan for approximated 2 hours and 50 minutes....

i proceed to do this on all our rent checks...poor darwin must endure this each month.

well let's stroll right along to april...that tactic didn't go over so well. and by so well i mean not at all. LL gets all uppity and in darwin's face about this deduction maneuver i use. he says i quote "if you don't want to pay the rent, then leave."

second favorite quote: "she's (me) your problem. i got rid of mine a long time ago. you can deal with her." why thank you for thinking so highly of me mr. LL.

well played sir...looks like we will be leaving. ASAFP. emphasis on the F.

"later boners"...always sunny in philadelphia. 

so new task...find somewhere to go.

happy spring to us. i think we may have found the solution, but it is going to make april even  busier than that awesome 2 page list.

ciao.

gif source penguin
gif source

paperwork.

it's monday and we are back here again:

paperwork.

can there be some sort of paperwork fairy that flies around with her/his magic wand and dust making all the paperwork be done, sorted, and handled accordingly?

i don't like being that magic fairy anymore. well let me restate that. i am okay with doing the paperwork once. even twice if i've got too, but we are on round 7, i believe, of getting this paperwork correct.

preferably not this guy...

do you know how many notaries that has required and how much time has been spent fighting with the printer, driving to a notary, driving to the post office, scanning paperwork, etc? no? me neither, and i frankly do not want to know.

after being on the phone with their lovely office administrator for this project, i believe (again i've certainly said this before) we have finally turned in the proper paperwork.

aside from that. it is beautiful here. so pretty in fact that i had my first pool day of the season yesterday. i am so excited that it is almost acceptable to be at the pool all day every weekend. because that means i can be in a swimsuit at all times. we all know what my main goal in life is: be somewhere where wearing swimsuits is acceptable at all times of the day...

it's been a rather uneventful few days around here. darwin was out of town friday, which meant that paperwork that needed to be turned in before he left was ultimately wrong and i had to hunt him down before he actually skiddadled (absolutely a word, i don't care what the dictionary says) out of town. so that was a fun morning for me. because it didn't just mean finding him to resign things, it meant fighting the printer as well. which always turns out to be a graceful affair for this kid...not. sailor like language, multiple head bangings, a lot of unplugging/plugging back in, and of course the occasional kicking and screaming at it. woosah. woosah. not so much.

here is a picture of a piece i was working on for darwin as a surprise. it still needs one more coat of finish. i have drawn up a couple of bases, so hopefully this piece can come together.

see that stack behind this? that's what i sifted and sorted through to get the heart pine the other day...

we've got a new set of pieces on our website (urbanreclaimed.com). it is a "matching" set of end tables. i say matching because they are from the same tree, but they are not exact matches on dimension. they are BEAUTIFUL though.... go.look.at.them.NOW

that's about all i got for the time being folks. not a very entertaining post i realize, but i am serious about the paperwork fairy. i'll chip in some meager coin for that to come to fruition. 

ciao. 

p.s. look at me with two pictures in one post...woaaaaah

toothfairsource

3rd times a charm.

two things that are the absolute devil:

1. pay applications
2. retainage

i realize that there are probably (actually) a lot more things than that fall into the "absolute devil" category, but those are what i have been dealing with for the past 5 days.

it only comes to be an issue on the last possible day to get everything turned in. because of course it makes that much more sense for it to happen then.

old school notary.

they wouldn't be nearly as bad if they a. didn't have to be notarized and b. they weren't such a pain in the butt to refill out. and we could throw c. in there for shits and giggles of that no one tells you your shit is wrong until the last possible second....(yes two shits in one sentence, i apologize for my sailor like vocabulary - it comes with the territory)

by the way, this is only the 2nd pay-app that has gone horribly awry. we are batting 2 for 2 folks. 2 for 2. we only have 2 more that will need to be filled out...odds are not in our favor this round.

aside from that horror story everything has been pretty back to normal around here.

you know the usual - breaking trucks/fixing trucks, outfitting both trucks with new tires (ouch...), selling our souls to millwork to make sure things get done on time, laughing hysterical until crying (one of my favorites)...

and and and IT'S FINALLY WARM! if you only knew how excited this makes me. shorts, flip flops, sundresses, skirts, ludicrously loud colors, and of course: SWIM SUITS! (you should all be very proud of me, i have not bought one swimsuit this year. -i will also not point out the inordinate amount of them i already own)

if you were wondering: yes i managed to velvit oil 500SF heart pine and 650LF of walnut all by myself.

now with fingers and toes crossed i think we have passed the difficult part of this job (knock on some serious wood folks). aside from well ya know the pay-apps and the rest of the job we have to finish...

disclaimer: i wrote this on tuesday. i am just now finishing it today.

stupid pay-app.

i literally skidded to a halt in front of their office at 4:15. busted through the doors and almost threw the paperwork at them.

to preface: i had already driven all over town to meet darwin (very unsuccessfully in my book - i'm usually really good at time management, not so much tuesday). why did i have to meet darwin? because we had to redo the pay-app for the THIRD time. yes folks 3 times. what a mess.

so once we finally got everything re-notarized, i had to haul tail to their office to drop off paperwork. luckily where we got the pay-app notarized was only about a 10 minute drive there. a harrowing 10 minute drive, but 10 minutes nonetheless.

so fingers and toes crossed. but i think we made it just in the nick of time.

oh and guess what we did yesterday...bought another tire. yes, you read that right. another tire....this one at least was for the deckover.

ciao. 



picture

the proverbial fan.

remember that time i told you that darwin was going out of town and it was time to get all of our ducks in a row as to ensure things ran smoothly and there were no crises (yes that is plural of crisis and yes i realize that it looks stupid) that i would have to handle.

well. we all know how that usually turns out. shit hitting the proverbial fan. and yes, you guessed it. shit.hit.the.fan.

that sure is some nice manure you have there good sir.

as i told you before, we had a big job that we shipped out a week ago. we were so happy that we got everything done on time and delivered without too many surprises. well, SURPRISE. they under-ordered or someone missed a take-off section. neither here nor there, but they were short material.

guess who got to solve that dilemma? if you guessed me, then you are correct.

want to know what involved solving that dilemma?

-schlepping heart pine
-reschlepping heart pine
-selling my soul to millwork
-reselling my soul to millwork
-bombing around kennesaw while my soul was at millwork
-SOOOOO MUCH CAFFEINE
-getting home at 630 on a friday
-getting up at 6 on a saturday
-finding out the finishing guy has a chest cold and you are now in charge of finishing 500SF
-praia rolling in compost heap waste
-showering off compost heap waste
-trying not to vomit while showering off compost heap waste
-schlepping more heart pine
-breaking into a 5 gallon container of velvit oil (crow bar and screw drivers involved)
-lining up over 500SF of heart pine (over 10' long)
-crouching around wiping on velvit oil
-trying not to die of velvit oil inhalation

you know the usual.

and you know what made it all worth it? well aside from satisfaction and pride: getting to do it all again today.

i really should add heart pine schlepper to my resume (right under fork lift extractor. i should also really come up with more glamorous names for these things.)

now comes the fun part. selling my soul to millwork again tomorrow to get 650LF of walnut run so that i can finish it tomorrow so that all this material can ship out wednesday morning bright and early.

wish me luck.

ciao. 


**picture

the scream heard round the world.

well folks darwin is going out of town tomorrow. that means two things inevitably.

1. i will be running the company
2. something will go wrong

there is another list of things as well: we will be running around like chickens with our heads cut off to make sure everything gets done, i won't be able to leave like i previously thought, etc. etc.

i try when darwin is out of town to also be out of town. it makes logistics much easier. people respond well to the shop is closed and will reopen on this day. notsomuch to darwin is out of town and i can't exactly help you....

needless to say this all comes up at the end of a big job where paperwork is necessary to have turned in before friday of this week, which translates to get everything done before tomorrow morning because darwin has a flight to catch in the wee hours. no big deal...

because this is funnier than the original.

except that part of the paperwork has to be notarized and if we don't do it right the first time...well you will be able to hear darwin scream from arizona and me start to sob from atlanta. lots of dollars will be put on hold, and well frankly we can't afford that to happen.

this day could get interesting folks. very interesting. and it's only 7a.m. i've been up since 6. i am already not looking forward to the days events.

last week darwin and i put a combined 1,000 miles on the trucks. most of it was me, in keisha. i was in the truck one morning from 8 until 6 that night. i love driving the trucks, but somedays the commute back into atlanta is absolutely more than i can bear. you become like a little kid at the very end of a car ride to start your vacation, except less excited and more annoying, and when you finally arrive home you don't want to do anything but lay down.

not to mention last friday i took keisha to get an oil change and then thought hey i'll be nice and take her to get her tires rotated because darwin has been talking about it non-stop for the past 2 weeks. a few bills later, a couple of hours of time spent in a waiting room, and keisha has four new tires...not exactly the outcome i was expecting....

turns out dually trucks are expensive to run...who knew?

ciao.


photo source

chauffeuring invalids...

things that are fun: puppies, flowers, more puppies, naps, ya know the usual...

things that don't quite fall into that category: darwin being sick and hopped up on pain meds.

that translates into me taking the reigns. now that he isn't quite so gorked out of his mind things are better. but not fully back to normal because he most certainly can't speak. so sign language and notes are what we are working with now.

monday i drove the truck around making deliveries, picking up lumber, and then get this, unloading the lumber by myself at the shop...that was a fun filled day full of caffeine (yes i broke my no caffeine rule). darwin slept on his couch while intermittently sending me text messages.

tuesday i drove darwin to the doctor. and waited, and waited, and waited some more. eventful. once we were done with that, i hauled tail out to the shop to meet some clients. only about 20 minutes late...

i guess this makes me morgan freeman and darwin miss daisy.

today (wednesday) i drove darwin to yet another doctor's appointment. (i'm beginning to feel like a chauffeur for the invalid). once i dropped him there i drove over to the shop and unloaded the truck (yes again and sans caffeine this time). drove to the pharmacy.  hopped back in the truck to pick up some heart pine - sketchy sketchy drive 300 yards that i would like to never do again. dropped off said heart pine. picked up finished heart pine. drove back to the pharmacy and then finally back to the shop. unloaded. drove back into town. stopped in kennesaw to drop of a contract and then, only then made our way back home....

things i learned today:

1. don't ever drive around your boss for a day while doing your job  (not exactly the most calming thing in the world)

2. if you don't take the exact way your boss thinks you should, he will point it out until you oblige accordingly....that only happened 3 times today

3. i cannot talk on the phone and drive at the same time - absolute can't

talking on the phone and driving, i am physically capable of, but when it comes to talking on the phone and actually paying attention to what the person is saying while trying to determine just exactly where you are is not my strong suit.

i can't make clear decisions when i am distracted by someone on the phone. darwin doesn't seem to quite grasp that concept.

some things i am quite capable doing while talking on the phone, but giving my absolute attention to the phone and the road i just can't do. i've tried. it doesn't end prettily.

i'd prefer to not end up with any more wrinkled vehicles this week. 

ciao.

quarter panel crisis...err, i mean life.

lately i have been feeling a bit blue. a cute word for sad, tired, cranky, depressed, and overall a great joy to be around (insert sarcasm).

doesn't that sound like the most awesome ball of fun times ever? yea i didn't think so either. needless to say with that array of awesomeness i am emitting, i haven't been up for much. especially not updating my blog. i can barely update my daily outfit, much less be held to updated my life.

i avoid them by signing up for things like tough mudder...but still failing at the avoidance part

you already know about the dinner party and it's great success. i hear a good time was had by all and judging by the pictures, perhaps "good" isn't the right adjective to describe the time had by all. magnamous may be more appropriate.

you know what makes those tables especially fun?

when they weigh ninetymillionpoundsandyouhavetomovethem. (read: all one breath: ninety million pounds and you have to move them). ::you're welcome for my translation::


i am in a bit of a goofy mood today. i can't seem to focus or sit still for any length of time. no, it's not what you think, i have had no caffeine. side note: i've given it up. unless it comes in the form of chocolate or tea. but sodas are out. and coffee, well it was never really a contender because it's gross.

i feel a bit like a fairy hopped up on life right now. i am going with it's the beautiful weather that i am staring at through this here basement window.

funny work stories? well let me comb my rolodex of hilarity that goes on around here.

mainly they involve blunders. such as the number of times darwin has broken the trucks coming down the interstate. i am sure i have told you about darwin in the black truck and the breaks going out on the downtown connector in 5 o'clock rush hour while pulling a full load and proceeding to break two AAA trucks. if i haven't remind me and i will tell you all about it.

this last one wasn't quite as terrifying, but still not great. the white truck needed new tires. we thought we could squeeze by, but boy were we ever wrong. darwin was coming back from the new shop. my car was at the new shop and i had his land rover. i am leaving to go climbing and he calls me to tell me that he blew the front tire out on dolly (the white truck) and he is waiting on the side of 75-S for AAA. that's always an exciting phone call to field.

no this is not what ours looks like, but it would be pretty sweet if it did. 

candice and i go retrieve darwin from the tire shop and drop the smoldering fumes of madness known as darwin off at his house.

moral of the story: what should have cost us in the amount of two new front tires, cost us in the amount of two new front tires PLUS two new quarter panels PLUS paint. mmmmmm car repair.

glamourous isn't it folks?

ciao.

above ground?

this happiness project i have stumbled upon seems to be working.

i feel a bit happier and less tense about meeting new people and doing new things, but i am exhausted. i am just not this entertaining. by any stretch at all. i do really well in small spurts, but then i need to go home and rest. my poor voice is gone from the amount of talking i have done.

i was going to tell you all my funny story that i wrote about earlier, but who am i kidding, i have absolutely no idea as to what it was even vaguely about. with that being said, i guess i should come up with something to tell you.

*tosh.0* this is my mental image of above ground pools.

monday i drove to cairo, georgia. that's 4 hours south of atlanta. SOUTH. i did have a great time entertaining myself, while trying not to die. people in south georgia drive like the apocalypse is coming for them at any minute. 

first game i played: how many above ground pools can one see south of albany? well for the record it was about 6. i am sure there were more, but these were the most prominent ones: i.e. front yards....i was unaware that above ground pools really still existed and that people would put them in their front yards of all places.


second game i played: how many tractors does one have to pass before the share the road with tractors sign is relevant. i passed two, so i am saying that is enough to warrant signs. always entertaining doing 70 down the highway in a giant truck and see a tractor wheel onto the highway like it's not big deal.

south georgia is a very entertaining place to say the very least.

ciao.

cheers to above ground front yard pools. who knew? i thought i was trashy by purchasing a slip and slide for my birthday...go figure.

telephone wars...

slow down, you move too fast, you've got make the morning last...

i often sing this song. i also think i have written a post with a similar theme; hell it may even have those lyrics in it. i resisted the crushing urge to put down: monday, monday. can't trust that day. i know for a fact i have used that one.

back to the task at hand. well the one of 18 tasks at hand. telling you all my life story through a series of funny events that happen to me in and around work. they always relate back to something i've previously done. i try to tell that story without giving out too much detail. i like secrets. well that's not entirely true. secrets can just about ruin anything. i think legitimately the only thing secrets can't ruin are surprises. but that's probably because surprises are glorified secrets with a big bow wrapped around them. alas, that is a discussion for another time and another place, and preferably with a few cocktails attached.

i don't do a lot of the philosophical inner search that is the big rage these days. not a huge fan of fads in general, but sometime i find myself racing so fast that i literally feel as if my heart may explode out of my chest. i am having one of those moments. i had one this morning as well when my alarm went off at 6. i hadn't slept well, i was cold, and the last thing i wanted to do was leave my happy place. that dream world where everything ends up sunshine and roses, and if something bad happens, all you have to do is wake up and take a deep breath and go back to sleep. if life were that easy i would most certainly have things further figured out. i can guarantee you that. if it was just as simple as i am going to sleep through this trial and tribulation until it becomes a treasure of sorts, then i think the entire world would be asleep. nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, would get done.

but man could you imagine the i don't want to be here anymore button? that would be a disaster. because you have to face those trials and tribulations. if you don't you can't grow as a person. if you can't grow as a person, then you are a glorified toddler, and that is just terrible. i mean i laugh and i joke as if i am not a four year old playing an adult, but in reality when things need to get done, i'll get them done. albeit begrudgingly.

now comes to the point, where i stop babbling - ha, right - and wheel this puppy back on course. as you know, or may not because i don't really think anyone actually reads this except for my dad - HEY DAD!, but we've started a furniture line - Urban Reclaimed. this furniture line i think may be the death of me. my previous posts talk about starting the company and figuring out which way is up and which way is bankrupt (see what i did there...), but today i am realizing something i've always known about myself....public enemy number 1 for me is the telephone. ever since i was little, i had a strange aversion to the phone. i am a girl, i should love to talk on the phone for hours, right? well i must be wired wrong, because if my phone never made another annoyingly pleading noise at me again, i would be just fine. but that apparently is not how the world works....damn.

so now here i sit facing the conundrum that is the telephone. because in order to make sales happen, i have to use the phone. the biggest problem i see here, aside from the phone having to be used, is the fact that i am absolutely terrified of sales calls. e-mail me or text me all day and i will make it happen. use the phone...hmm, not so much. now the flip-side of this is that i am actually quite good at using the phone when it comes to solving bills, calling for pricing on stuff, lying to customers (that's a joke...), ya know, the keep the company afloat things. i am good at that. the moment you tell me it's a sales call. WHAM, i am instantly nervous, nauseous, and a clammy mess. it's an attractive look.

so now is where i sit at a crossroads. how does one overcome their fear of the phone? how does anyone do it? well, they repeatedly do it until, it no longer scares the absolute dog shit out of them. i am not a big fan of that tactic. i am as i previously stated, a big fan of the hide under the covers until it passes over tactic.

i guess what i am saying is wish me luck...why does it always have to be about luck? why don't schools have a class on proper phone techniques? why? i'll tell you why, because no one in their right mind would sign up for it. you would have to rename it something. something like - you will make an A in this class if all you do is bring your cell phone....that would get people coming. not staying, but coming.

so cheers to the telephone. if you wouldn't mind letting it kick to voicemail when i call for sales, i would greatly appreciate it...

ciao.

so it's been a month...literally.

wow, firstly i apologize. it's been a month. eek.

have you ever felt like you are being pulled in so many directions you feel as if you may actually come apart? yes? good, i am glad to know that i am not the only one.

we've moved the shop (hence the delay). that meant two things: heavy lifting and planning. guess which one excited me more? if you guessed planning you would be correct. however, the heavy lifting wasn't far off. now knowing what i know about darwin, this planning wasn't going to be easy. i planned and planned and then replanned. still wasn't enough planning. i should have known, right? well luckily i did, and planned accordingly. that involved letting darwin dilly dally until he freaked out. then, i picked up the pieces, took over, made a checklist, and replanned. we made it. just barely, but we are alive and the proud new owners (renters) of a wood shed. well it is nicer than a shed, but not quite, say, a warehouse. so...shedhouse? wareshed? whatever you call it, it's ours and it's quiet and it's in the middle of NOWHERE.

with that middle of nowhereness, i get to build things. what is second on my list of awesome things after planning? making stuff. right now we are building a solar kiln --- forklifts, nail guns, staplers, trucks --- mmm powertools. whilst building the solar kiln, i have built a bookshelf, a bunch of triangular shelf supports, and learned the fundamentals of trailer driving and parking...

i really like the hands on approach. yea you may screw it up and get a little dirty, but whatever, you're learning. learning means growing, so i've go that going for me.

aside from all that awesomeness, darwin and i have started a furniture line (second delay). it's a urban reclaimed natural edge furniture line. i've come up with a name and i am pretty sure we are in agreement with it: UrbanGreen. follow us on Facebook, bookmark our BLOG (and mine too), spread the word, and most importantly...BUY SOMETHING!

ciao.


stay tuned for a funny story in solar kiln building. i promise it won't take a month....

alpha.beta.charley.

have you ever been so tired, that you aren't sure you should be driving a motor vehicle? because i have. today. right now to be precise.

the past few days/weeks have been a tiring bunch. we are officially ALL moved! wooooo. but man it has been an intense round.

for starters. remember when my car got stolen? oh say, 3 months ago. well as of today it has been found. to be more exact. as of 4:22 sunday morning, beta has been found. i know this because that is what time the APD decided to call me. FOUR TWENTY TWO IN THE FREAKING MORNING. like i am going to jump out of bed and go retrieve her? seriously? i call them sunday at a more reasonable hour. ya know, like 8 or so. get the run around for a while because turns out they weren't entirely positive where beta was. she was somewhere in cumming, ga. i was informed i would need to talk to the forsyth county police department (cumming's police), but i would have to wait until monday, because they were closed on sundays. OH REALLLLLLLLLLLY. no crime is committed on sundays? geewhiz.

so here we are monday. i finally get through to someone who then has to call me back because he isn't entirely sure where beta is....fantastic. well. turns out. once beta was stolen from me, my stuff was apparently ditched and then beta was sold. the guy however wouldn't give the title over the buyer until he finished making payments. well. i guess the buyer got mad and ipso facto beta was found. ya know, because there was no title, because she was STOLEN! i am also beginning to think that buyer had beta longer than i did, which if we all remember was 2 weeks. i also find it entertaining that the APD thought i was really waiting for them to find beta. it has been 3 months. i did wait 2 months before charley was purchased...

but moving on past beta, i then sunday went to my cousin's first horse show. absolutely precious. but took all day. so needless to say, i was exhausted. and come this morning., i got up at 5 to make sure my cousins got to school and that everything went according to plan. which is where the too tired to drive a vehicle comes into play...

i picked darwin up this morning for our final run through at the metro. sad, bittersweet, and really really exciting all at the same time. we hightailed it out of there. i stopped at the bank and then drove to meet darwin at the new shop and help unpack - daunting. driving there was fine because i had a mission. get food, get to new shop, go home. we get to the go home part, and we are driving and darwin tells me. - i normally trust you with everything, but right now i don't really want to be riding in your car...all i could think, was thank god, i so don't want to be driving right now. we stopped by home depot for some supplies and switched places. totally for the better.

it's funny and sad when someone says exactly what you are thinking. especially when it comes to operating a motor vehicle. i apologize if this post is jumbled, but clearly i am in overdrive. or as darwin so lovingly put it today, you are operating on about 6 out 8 cylinders. i told him that was being generous.


ciao.

the smoking gun. err, dashboard...

so, i am back from the beach. i came back kicking and screaming. well mainly just screaming. it's hard to kick and drive at the same time. the week went by too fast. it was absolutely glorious though. GLORIOUS!

my sister-in-law, Rachel, went paddle boarding with me. i wouldn't say she went willingly; i mainly bullied her into it because i didn't want to go alone. i will say, she was a trooper and did quite well. she did ask me to go shopping with her on many occasion, but i just couldn't bear to leave the beach.

i realized that i am a person who is going 90 mph at all times. no stopping, no slowing down, no sleeping. just going, going, going. but when i get to the beach (and this may be true of all water, but i am going to say the beach) i stop. everything slows down. granted, i am still doing about 45 mph, but i'll take it. something about the ocean calms me. that is not an easy task folks. i have been trying unsuccessfully for the past 25 (yes, 25) years to figure that one out, and apparently all i need is the ocean.

now that i am back to reality, i am back to cramming as much in the day as possible. this move may be the death of darwin and i. we realized on monday that we have until next friday to finish everything. EVERYTHING. the inside is mainly done. just a few things that can't be packed up until darwin is finished milling, but most everything has been cleared. the yard. well the yard is a slow process that is going to require most of our weekend to tackle.

i was driving keisha to the new shop with a load of miscellaneous crap on tuesday and there i was jumping onto 285 from 20 and i look down and she is smoking out the dashboard. well hello, this is a problem. i pull over on 285 and try not to get hit by any semis, and call darwin. thankfully this time he actually answered his phone. i told him calmly (rather panically) that keisha's dashboard was smoking. he told me to turn her off (way ahead of you there) and turn off all the switches (propane and veggie oil) - also way ahead there- and wait a minute to see if it stops. so it stopped. he told me it was probably fine, but if it started again to call him back because i was going to have to perform keisha emergency surgery.

WHAT! oh, this is just what i want to hear....

so we pull back on to 285 and la la la la i look down and keisha starts smoking again. i pull off, get to a sketchy gas station (sketchy at best) and call darwin. HERE WE GO. pop the hood. see the wire coming off the battery on the driver side, clip that from the battery and the plug. the close the propane tank. if that doesn't work then leave the truck and run away and don't tell me about it, because that means there is a problem with the factory wiring and....(you get the idea)

so here i am. in the ghetto, scrounging around keisha for some form of useful tool to clip wire. i can find no shortage of screw drivers, an ipod shuffle (which darwin though he lost), a bungee chord, some headphones, a tape, and of course nothing to clip wire with. i am standing in the back of keisha basically inside the toolbox looking for something, anything. grasping at straws at this point. then i hear this rickety voice screaming at me, that i don't belong in a truck and i shouldn't be driving that big thing, and i need to get out the back of it before i hurt myself. i look up and see this man approaching the truck. now normally this would have made me nervous, but i was PISSED. i shot him the look of death and scream WHAT DO YOU WANT? he promptly pivoted and walked away. after scrounging and being yelled at, i remember: I PUT BANDING SHEARS IN ONE OF THESE BOXES! yes! problem solved. button keisha back up and we are on our merry little way to get the hell out the ghetto.

problem solving folks. problem solving.

ciao.

catching a drift...

it's thursday. which means tomorrow is friday. which in tandem means: no work and the beach! WOOOOOO!! i cannot wait to get away from atlanta. i love atlanta, well most of the time, but right now i want out. in quite possibly the worst way possible. i don't want to play anymore. i want to sit by the ocean, drink beer, eat copious amounts of seafood, and watch the world melt away. that seems fantastic...

whoever tells you that moving isn't stressful and will be pain free, should be shot in the face right then in there. no questions asked, no waiting to see if they are kidding, no nothing. they should be shot. granted our move hasn't been terrible (i think i just called myself out here). but seriously, i have organized the move within and inch of it's life. i mean come on, i am good at organizing. we have almost completed the warehouse. the yard, well the yard is a whole 'nother story completely. i knew that was going to be a bitch from day one. it always is. staring at me with that smug - there is nothing you can do about me - face. that is if it were a person of course instead of an inanimate object, but you catch my drift.

ahhh drift. to be adrift. tomorrow tomorrow. focus. focus.

well i'm shot now. all i can think about it sand, salt and sea. the three major food groups of the soul. well my soul anyhow.

but seriously. moving. it's sucks any way you plan it. it's daunting unless you can do it in stages. or when you realize that half the stuff (more like 3/4) you thought you had to move isn't yours. SCORE. we also got inspected by the fire marshal. because you know what is useful. getting inspected when you have a month left on your lease and you have been there over 3 years. seems like a good a time as any. oh, did i forget to mention that we have never had one before? yea that's right. NEVER.

so we weren't quite up to snuff on all of our codes, but the guy was nice and let it slide and said to fix it and told me when he would be back to make sure i had fixed it. then darwin opens his big mouth...i swear. he told me to handle the fire marshal and then he decides that he wants to butt in on things and talk with the dude. i could of kicked him. if we were all sitting at a table i would have, or maybe thrown my knife at him. i had it covered. the paperwork was signed and we were ready to go. JESUS PETE!

now, i should have clearly seen that coming from a mile away. you know. boys being boys. i've got to make sure that everything is in working order. i'm not an idiot, i got it covered. you do leave me in charge of your company and made me cfo....remember????????????????

silly boys. when will they ever learn?

ciao.


THE BEACH!!!

it's my party....

sometimes, i am a firm believer that the government is out to get me and perpetually ruin my day. today, practically solidifies my belief. now, anyone who is not just a total waste of space knows that taxes have to get paid. and, by "have to" i mean, totally voluntary but the government will more than likely hunt you down and make you pay out the ass for your mistake....which always makes for a fun day at the post office. (well maybe just for the people standing next to me, when i spaz out and remember yelling profanities in public places is frowned upon. so naturally i mutter them under my breath like a crazy person)

i used to get this letter all the time, telling me that my sales tax payment was late....well guess what GA DOR (georgia department of revenue for you that are abbreviation challenged), i've got news for you.

1. how can i file taxes for a company that doesn't exist?
2. i filed taxes once we got our lovely little "number" from you
3. i filed the back taxes on one page - that was apparently the fatal mistake but not my fault...that would be the quickbooks helper idiot
4. how can one owe more money than the company has made in total sales?
5. how can your dated letter be later than the date on the calendar?
6. my personal favorite - my file by date and my date of return receipt are a good 5 days apart, with the latter being filed sooner than date due...so how does that make me late again?
7. your website to pay sales tax is quite possible the most ill-designed thing i have ever tried to navigate - that's saying a lot because our website is pretty horrific....
8. i hate you
9. i like you a little because i get to you the word 'ergo' in my rebuttal, but then i hate you all over again
10. you waste paper, time and quite frankly, space.

this list could go on for quite a while, but i am sure you get the idea. this is no love-hate relationship. this is a hate-hate relationship. i've gotten pretty good at telling them they are wrong, but it is such a waste of time, not to mention paper. they inevitably send you a letter back stating they received yours and they will get back to you...still waiting on that one....so all in all it totals about 18 pieces of paper that have exchanged hands. stupid. like i said...total waste

so pay your taxes or don't. pay them on time or don't. it apparently doesn't really matter in the end if you are a law abiding small business (law abiding used loosely there) who pays taxes on time they will still try and find a way to screw you over.

oh. yesterday marked my 3 years at work. yes. 3 WHOLE YEARS. that means multiple things. such as:

-i've been out of college for 3 years
-i graduated from high school 7 years ago
-i'm almost 25
-this may be the longest relationship i have ever had
-i've been in atlanta for 3 years
-i have not gone insane (some days that is debatable at best...)

woah. just woah.

ciao.


p.s. check out the september issue of Atlanta magazine and see darwin. pretty cool stuff...

slow down. you move to fast.

it has been a minute since i have actually written something about work on here, aside from ya know being the commander in chief and all. now that darwin is back for longer than a 10 minute period, i can finally breathe for a second. i think i forgot to breathe for those two weeks that he was gone. just holding my breath until i was about to explode. i came damn near close to that explosion i will say. i staved it off, but phew, it was a close one.

now that things are relatively back to normal and by that i mean i am leaving next week for vacation, and it cannot come fast enough. atlanta, is silly hot. you begin to think you are melting the moment you step outside. it is absolutely disgusting and not a pretty look at all. AT.ALL.

so now i sit here typing this and multi-tasking like a champ. currently this is what i am doing:

-researching - CNG, california architects, sustainable design/architecture/building

-car shopping - groan.

-phone answering - in the least possible sense

-updating facebook/work blog

-vigilante money obtaining - borders upon stalking....

-perpetual cleaning of the office

-crafting ideas

-realizing that i am starving - that waffle at 745 this morning just ain't cutting it

it's a glamorous life i lead folks. g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s.

wouldn't change it for the world. i will say as much as i run the ins and outs of mississippi wood trader, when darwin is around, it seems to flow much smoother. it astounds me sometimes the level of incompetence some people have, right up until darwin calls them. i know i sound like i am 12. i know that. i know i am girl. i am WELL aware of that. but sometimes, really just once, i want someone to listen to what i say and realize that i do in fact know what i am talking about.

i relayed all this information to darwin and he said he was going to coach me in the ways of talking to customers. (let's hope it goes smoother than teaching me to drive a stick shift in the warehouse...). he told me i need to slow down. SLOW DOWN? me, ha. i don't know how to slow down. and he is one to talk i might add. but i am trying to get better about slowing down.

another mantra to add to 2011. slow down. stay calm. breathe. those are things i don't do very well. that and sleep. but that is neither here nor there. why sleep when there are 24 useable hours in a day? ha, i would love to be able to sleep longer that 4-6 hours a day. not a night, a day. who has two thumbs and is a huge fan of naps? this kid.

as the mantras keep stacking up, i am noticing a theme. they all correlate with each other, and i should take note of that. you can't do one without partially using another. but that would require me to slow down...sensing a pattern yet? you can bet the farm on that one.

so all in all i am doing better about not freaking out about the little stuff. it was touch and go there for a hot minute, with the whole car stolen charade. but i've slowly moved back on track and refocused my energy. wish me luck with that one.

oh if you perhaps would want to purchase a caterpillar forklift, i know where you can obtain one....

ciao.

p.s. i don't recommend googling california architects. they make you realize you are missing out living in a landlocked city. missing out hardcore....

flustered.

with darwin being gone for a week, i am back in the commander in chief saddle. i feel like i am at a rodeo riding a bull and holding on for dear life. by about 10:15 this morning, i was already flustered with today.

this past week was not my week to say the least:

-almost cried at work - ALMOST

-screwed up an order

-had my car stolen

-had my purse stolen

-had my rock climbing gear stolen

-had my camera stolen

-had my sunglasses stolen

-had my house broken into while i was there

needless to say, things have been rough.

BUT i am okay, and i am work currently playing commander in chief like i mentioned before. so that means that i get to put out all the fires. makes for an exciting monday. i am thinking that maybe i should just rename myself empress and do whatever i feel like doing. anyone in on that plan?

things i would do then:

-put in a zipline at work

-put in some sort of foam pit

-swimming pool

-monster trucks - i feel like it would be entertaining

-no fridays (we've already enacted that)

-no customer whining day. that would be fantastic

-everything would be done via e-mail. - well on our way for that....

-water balloon fight day/with a side of supersoakers...

-no cell phone day (week and or month)

i could get used to being empress...

ciao.

oh if you happen to find any or all these items: car, hobo wallet, rock climbing gear, ray-bans: please return them to me and in return you get to punch the culprit in the face for your awesomeness and the safe return of said items.

commander in chief.

i realize it has been a hot minute since my last post, but no i did not get taken in the rapture. i am still here, never fear. i will always be here. i currently am playing commander in chief at work. it is becoming pretty routine for me these days. one thing i will say that is beginning to drive me insane is when you ask someone to do something and it gets overlooked for whatever reason.

just to give you a bit of insight into my day: i have to handle most everything technical and darwin does more of the hands on. i as well do the hands on, but i have to make sure and keep the company legal, out of jail, etc. etc. etc. so some days i am on the phone with customer service explaining to them that no i am not the account holder, but they most certainly want to deal with me rather than the account holder...usually i can bully my way, but sometimes...

such as darwin's health insurance. they cancelled it, because they forgot to log a payment. and i was pissed, because there was no warning, just a letter stating it had been cancelled. SPECTACULAR. i call them and explain to the poor operator girl that she better straighten this out. she says and i quote "well, mrs. crawford, since you aren't on the account i cannot do anything further without speaking to mr. crawford..." a. i am not mrs. crawford. b. if i was mrs. crawford and i gave you all the necessary information to prove i was calling on behalf of mr. crawford, what on earth does it matter. c. i can promise you, you do not want me to go get "mr. crawford." she insisted on speaking to mr. crawford....didn't end well for her. led to talking to supervisors and darwin adding me to the account so that i call and "chew out the peons." (his words, not mine). fantastic...i love chewing people out.

another fun one that i have been dealing with is the bank. i can deposit money, write checks (and have darwin sign them), manage our money, pay our taxes, and so on, BUT i cannot do anything that involves taking money or talking to anyone about something that has gone wrong because i am not a signer on the account. totally fine by me, it's darwin's company. except when quickbooks decides to ruin my day. it has a nasty habit of ruining things for me. if it didn't tell me how to pay taxes, we would be a straight cash business with no quickbooks - that's how much i hate it. well it decided to electronically pay our federal taxes after i clicked it not to. apparently that just means it doesn't file the paperwork, but it doesn't inform you of that. i go on my merry way paying taxes and printing all the checks. then wham i get an email from quickbooks 2 days later saying the electronic payment has been processed. SAY WHAT! easiest way to ruin my thursday.

i call quickbooks. that poor man. i yelled at him and almost cried. i am not proud of the things i said, but he sent me over the edge when he said there was nothing quickbooks could do. here was my answer to that - so, you are telling me that you can take money away from me without my knowledge, but you have no way of returning it to me? that makes perfect sense. i really appreciate your absolute lack of help in this situation. it gives me great faith in quickbooks. really really does. - he apologized and this was my consolation prize - well when the check goes through and you've double paid i can help you sort that out when you pay your taxes for the next quarter. - oh gee that's just fanfuckingtastic.

i go to the bank to see how i can possibly repair this so darwin doesn't kill me. he tells me to do whatever i need to do, but he cannot and will not go down to the bank to straighten it out because it will not be a pretty sight...none of my usual bankers are there who know me and could help me out. so this woman tells me that i can't actually do anything because i am not a signer on the account....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. she gives me a number for darwin to call to get the whole mess straightened out. so he gets it straightened out finally. but the irs was not happy about receiving a check that had a stop payment put on it....ooops.

moral of the story. if you are in charge of running someone's life, make sure you are the signer on all things important...

ciao.