adventures in small business...

after a complete and utter meltdown last week (absolutely terrible week) i was attempting to start this week off on a bit of a better step, by obtaining a vehicle. yes folks, two months in the making but i finally have a car that is my own. a car, car. not even an suv. a car. a bright red jetta tdi. keeping it a diesel family around here. it sure is pretty and shiny. her name is charley.

i feel like when i started this job there should have been one of those yes, no flow charts. if yes proceed to this space, if no follow this line, etc. etc. that would be a very useful piece of paper to have when i started in the small business world. i grew up with a small business, so i should of at least known some of the perils, but apparently i was blind to them. i would like to thank my parents for keeping me blind to such information. in the long run it is best, because you never lose enthusiasm for projects that are sure to implode into your face. you tend to take more risks and be a bit more adventurous when you aren't privy to all the consequences that may be rendered. failing never crosses your mind as an option when you don't know how to fail. all i ever knew was try, try again. if it still doesn't work try even harder. nothing is so unobtainable that you should give up midway. well at least that's my point of view on life.

i've had my fair share of first world troubles. i say first world because it's not as if i am out on the street, scrounging for food and spare change. i've got a pretty sweet set up. some days it's hard to see that, but somedays it's blatantly clear to me. with that being said, it's been a trying year. we will count this year as a school year - august to august. most of them have been trivial, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, working for a small company is very tiring and all encompassing.

i love what i do and i will never walk away, but somedays it's like repeatedly getting punched while you are down. especially when you have done nothing wrong. it's flat out terrible. you can't breathe, everything hurts, you can forget about sleeping, and the worrying. the worrying is the worst. it puts that knot in your stomach that makes you feel like you are constantly on the verge of throwing up. you get so crazy you don't know whether to laugh or to cry. the past two weeks had been like that here. everywhere you turn someone else is throwing in a punch. you try and stand still to avoid it, but it makes it worse. every move you make is another trap. everyone has those days when all you can think is "i just can't win," but when they last for months at a time, it gets to the point where every breath you take feels like a sumo wrestler is standing on your chest.

i'm slowly putting the pieces back together, but man it is difficult sometimes. when you care so much about the company you work for it's hard to see it in a bind. especially when you would do anything for the people you work with or in my case (seeing as i am the only employee) work for. they become your family and nothing is harder than worrying about your family. no one wants to see people they care immensely about have a tough time. you do anything to make sure they know you are rooting for them. but being the cheerleader is a big responsibility. it's tough work. sometimes that smile is fighting back tears, but more often than not that smile shows the world that you believe and you refuse to give up.

i believe. albeit a lot of times that smile is really holding back tears, but man i promise you i keep on believing. if you can't believe then you've got a big problem staring at you. the moment you stop believing is the moment doubt enters and sabotages everything you have worked for. and i mean everything. all of it comes crashing down. maybe not all at one time, but so fast that some of it that falls you would never in a million years guessed would.

it takes a tough person to run in the small business rodeo circuit. i'm pretty tough. not as tough as i should be in certain situations, but i'm working on it. i'm also working on being calmer. that one i am still not very good at. i know when i am falling apart, and i also know that i haven't mastered the art of deception. you can read me like an open book. happy, sad, angry. all of it. right there for the world to see. working with/for darwin i have learned a lot about myself. i have also learned a lot of things that are pertinent to survival around here. when to cry, when to yell. those are all things that are only appropriate at certain times. i by no means have perfected those, but i'm getting better. some days i just give up and let it out, but some days you can't. you've got to be the strong one. the one who fights for what's theirs (ours) and sticks to their guns.

so let this be a lesson in small business. be tough. be really really tough. but never, ever, ever forget who you are and who you want to be. you will get eaten alive if you don't stay grounded. surround yourself with people you love and trust. they will understand when the world is crumbling you just need that one hug, that one phone call, that one (or 12) beers. they have no idea the hardships, but they know how to be there for you. that's all anyone can ask for. i have a lot of that and i am eternally grateful for the countless hours on the phone to home about how i am imploding, or to my best friend for going rock climbing with me because she knew i needed it even though she felt like vomiting, to my boss who knows when to let me freak out and how to handle me at my best and at my worst. these are more than any girl could ever ask for, and i hope that i am at least half as good as they are.

ciao.

slow down. you move to fast.

it has been a minute since i have actually written something about work on here, aside from ya know being the commander in chief and all. now that darwin is back for longer than a 10 minute period, i can finally breathe for a second. i think i forgot to breathe for those two weeks that he was gone. just holding my breath until i was about to explode. i came damn near close to that explosion i will say. i staved it off, but phew, it was a close one.

now that things are relatively back to normal and by that i mean i am leaving next week for vacation, and it cannot come fast enough. atlanta, is silly hot. you begin to think you are melting the moment you step outside. it is absolutely disgusting and not a pretty look at all. AT.ALL.

so now i sit here typing this and multi-tasking like a champ. currently this is what i am doing:

-researching - CNG, california architects, sustainable design/architecture/building

-car shopping - groan.

-phone answering - in the least possible sense

-updating facebook/work blog

-vigilante money obtaining - borders upon stalking....

-perpetual cleaning of the office

-crafting ideas

-realizing that i am starving - that waffle at 745 this morning just ain't cutting it

it's a glamorous life i lead folks. g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s.

wouldn't change it for the world. i will say as much as i run the ins and outs of mississippi wood trader, when darwin is around, it seems to flow much smoother. it astounds me sometimes the level of incompetence some people have, right up until darwin calls them. i know i sound like i am 12. i know that. i know i am girl. i am WELL aware of that. but sometimes, really just once, i want someone to listen to what i say and realize that i do in fact know what i am talking about.

i relayed all this information to darwin and he said he was going to coach me in the ways of talking to customers. (let's hope it goes smoother than teaching me to drive a stick shift in the warehouse...). he told me i need to slow down. SLOW DOWN? me, ha. i don't know how to slow down. and he is one to talk i might add. but i am trying to get better about slowing down.

another mantra to add to 2011. slow down. stay calm. breathe. those are things i don't do very well. that and sleep. but that is neither here nor there. why sleep when there are 24 useable hours in a day? ha, i would love to be able to sleep longer that 4-6 hours a day. not a night, a day. who has two thumbs and is a huge fan of naps? this kid.

as the mantras keep stacking up, i am noticing a theme. they all correlate with each other, and i should take note of that. you can't do one without partially using another. but that would require me to slow down...sensing a pattern yet? you can bet the farm on that one.

so all in all i am doing better about not freaking out about the little stuff. it was touch and go there for a hot minute, with the whole car stolen charade. but i've slowly moved back on track and refocused my energy. wish me luck with that one.

oh if you perhaps would want to purchase a caterpillar forklift, i know where you can obtain one....

ciao.

p.s. i don't recommend googling california architects. they make you realize you are missing out living in a landlocked city. missing out hardcore....

gravity bites.

you know in charlie brown when he goes to kick the football and every time lucy pulls the ball away? it never gets old and is always funny. that's a little bit like this story that darwin reminded me of yesterday...

drew is our original sawyer (literally one who saws). i say original because darwin got jealous and bought his own sawmill...boys will be boys. anywho. drew. he is the king midas of breaking things. always hilarious, a little nerve racking, and sure to make darwin cringe. so for me that equals one of two things: laughing hysterically or running away from the mad bear...never ever poke the bear. i repeat never ever poke the bear. (although i must admit occasionally i do poke the bear...it can be entertaining.)

take for instance the forklift falling in a sinkhole that i mentioned in my first entry. that was drew. driving along in helga (god rest her poor little soul) and WHAM! helga falls in a hole. hilarious, mouth dropping, and puzzling as it was, drew was not too pleased. darwin and i just stood completely and utterly aghast. he. forklift. helga. what? what? how? what?

now getting helga out of a hole requires another forklift. i call them hans and frans. they are our matching green forklifts. hans and or frans gets helga out and on with the day we go. but don't you worry, drew and helga will fall in another hole. trust me on this. well maybe not with helga, although he did do that a number of times more, but with another forklift. it's bound to happen. forklifts are heavy suckers. its just a matter of gravity. thanks sir isaac newton for that little tid bit of science.

moving forward. still involving drew and forklifts. now darwin does not like hans or frans to go outside. they are not made for outside. only he is allowed to take the precious babies outside. well, as you all know by now some things around here just don't go as planned. drew took hansy and or fransy outside one day. he was throwing stuff (read oversized wood chunks that i get yelled at for later by the complex) away in the dumpster. now here is where that charlie brown and lucy scenario comes to play. i call the motion of charlie falling "slippery feet."

drew is loading a dumpster and getting stuff off the tines of hans or frans. well seeing as how these forklifts are not supposed to go outside...one of the tine bolts came loose and well if you can guess where i am going with this...drew went feet over head into the dumpster. now i did not witness it, but darwin told me about it and i am pretty sure he was crying he was laughing so hard. drew however was not amused. he was soooo mad. but come on, picture a grown man cartoon style falling into a dumpster. now that is funny! absolute comedic gold.

i would like to say that drew has learned his lesson and doesn't take hansy or fransy outside anymore, but you clearly do not have a grasp on this adult daycare center...he does not however climb the forklifts like mountains. his feet stay firmly planted on the ground (well most of the time).