happiness portfolio...

we've come full circle again folks. it's a new year. which again means, a new you.

everyone makes their own resolutions and this time last year i stated "so cheers to 2011. it most certainly can't be worse than 2010. well at least not for me, because if it is, my poor little brain and soul can't handle it..."  well guess what? 2011, not my most stellar year.

at the risk of completely repeating myself: here's to 2012. because it most decidedly cannot be worse than 2011.

i've already decided to make sure that 2012 beats out 2011. clearly there are things that are out of my control (ahem: car being stolen, economy, etc), but i am going to do my best to make sure that i stay positive. the best anyone can really hope for is to stay positive right? well that's what i am banking on.

this idea mainly came about when i started reading the book: The Happiness Project by: Gretchen Rubin. i haven't really delved that far into the book, because it's fairly straightforward and easy to figure out where it is all going. i will most certainly donate some more time to reading it, but i am going to start from what i know about this book and it's to start realistic goals and do something for yourself. other people don't always understand why you are doing something, and most of the time are not very receptive to the idea of taking an entire year (or whatever time you have allotted) and devoting it to your self. but who cares about what they think anyway right?

sifting through your life and deciding what exactly it is that makes you happy is not exactly the easiest feat to undertake. you have to take time, and time is just not something out there in ample abundance these days. so, the first step in this "happiness project" is to take time. simple. take time. turn off and unplug.

seeing as i don't have internet at my house and i don't have a heck of a lot of interest in the television, this should be fairly easy. well it's not. you find a multitude of other things to occupy your time. and for me, sitting still is like asking a little kid if they never want to eat cake again. just ain't going to happen.

because how can you not say aww to that face?

take today for instance. i am sitting here writing this blog and i am also: proofreading and rewriting said blog, cleaning, phone calling, quickbooksing, multiple 'ings. i've learned after many years that i am not so great at the one task at a time thing. my brain can't focus for that long. the one thing that i am fairly good at doing without distraction is taking naps....not sleeping, oh no, not sleeping. taking naps. the going the bed at night and sleeping thing - ha! - haven't done that in quite a while. but naps....man i can dominate a nap. they are however, few and far between which saddens me, because i LOVE naps.

okay enough rambling. i've made a short list for my happiness project, perhaps i'll change it to my happiness portfolio, this way i can add and subtract as i wish. i will keep you posted as when i finalize the first round.

i haven't got any terribly funny work stories. well i have one, but i'll write it later this week. you know when i have all that free time and am not multitasking.....

ciao.

flustered.

with darwin being gone for a week, i am back in the commander in chief saddle. i feel like i am at a rodeo riding a bull and holding on for dear life. by about 10:15 this morning, i was already flustered with today.

this past week was not my week to say the least:

-almost cried at work - ALMOST

-screwed up an order

-had my car stolen

-had my purse stolen

-had my rock climbing gear stolen

-had my camera stolen

-had my sunglasses stolen

-had my house broken into while i was there

needless to say, things have been rough.

BUT i am okay, and i am work currently playing commander in chief like i mentioned before. so that means that i get to put out all the fires. makes for an exciting monday. i am thinking that maybe i should just rename myself empress and do whatever i feel like doing. anyone in on that plan?

things i would do then:

-put in a zipline at work

-put in some sort of foam pit

-swimming pool

-monster trucks - i feel like it would be entertaining

-no fridays (we've already enacted that)

-no customer whining day. that would be fantastic

-everything would be done via e-mail. - well on our way for that....

-water balloon fight day/with a side of supersoakers...

-no cell phone day (week and or month)

i could get used to being empress...

ciao.

oh if you happen to find any or all these items: car, hobo wallet, rock climbing gear, ray-bans: please return them to me and in return you get to punch the culprit in the face for your awesomeness and the safe return of said items.

wishing and hoping.

tim robbins once said: "...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." that quote is from his character andy dufresne in shawshank redemption for those of you living in a hole. perhaps a crater. i'm not entirely positive how you would not know this quote in some shape or fashion, unless you lived in a crater or on the moon. oh, yes on the moon, in a crater. that must be it.

my last post was about faith being a bluebird and believing in something and holding on tight. because if you don't believe in something then what exactly is your purpose? believe in whatever you want, cheese, chocolate, diet coke, puppies, naps, grammar, math, rainbows, unicorns, zombies, god, literature...whatever, just pick something. i have many things that i believe in, for better or for worse, i will always believe in them. even if someone tells you it is silly, keep on believing; prove them wrong. so there in lies the holding on tight. one thing i personally like to believe in is childhood. when you were a kid you believed you could do anything. you were out to prove to the world that you could in fact be WHATEVER you wanted. nothing was too preposterous to be when you grew up. i'm just having a hard time grappling with that whole growing up part. i've gotten older and i've stepped up to my responsibilities, but i'm still a little kid searching.

my entire life i've never known what i wanted to be when i grew up; mainly because i never actually wanted grow up. kind of like peter pan. but then again, i always knew that i wanted to do something with my life. i wanted to make my mark in some way. i didn't know what that would be, but i was sure as shit going to try and find out. i'm still trying to find out and one of these days i'll figure something out and let you know, but for the moment here's to hoping.

i've got a lot of faith in hope. and i've always been a very hopeful person. so i guess i've got that going for me. a lot of faith and even more hope. and dreams. so. many. dreams. and hey, if andy dufresne says that hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies and morgan freeman believed him, then why on earth should i doubt him? that just would be silly and illogical.

at this exact moment, i am believing and have faith and hope in one thing in particular, aside from childhood, and that's a great company that is destined to do big (read: huge) things. and for right now, that's enough for me. maybe it won't always be, but it is for now, and i am okay with that. nothing is better than participating in something you believe in and seeing it grow to it's full potential. mark my words: nothing. absolutely nothing.

bluebirds.

so last year was not such a great year for us. it wasn't a particularly great year for anyone truthfully, but it was reallllll (pronounced ruhl) bad for us. we toyed with the idea of shutting down, cutting back hours, finding other things to do, move to tahiti...all the scenarios came through. (i still personally like the tahiti one...a girl can dream right?).

we made it though. we've got a few battle scars and we will never forget what we saw and experienced, but we are still here fighting the good fight. most days...we have learned that it is okay to take a day or week off. the company isn't going to fall apart. if you need a break, take the break. it does no one any good to sit around in a horrid stressed out mood...unless of course there is diet coke and i can annoy the ever living shit out of you...that i am reallllll GOOD at...realllll good.

there were a few highlights from last year despite all the terrible:

-believe in something, anything. just believe and hold on tight
-dream the impossible. dreams keep you sane.
-friends love you no matter your dollar amount net worth
-if they don't then they weren't true friends and karma will catch up...
-it's okay to ask for help (still working on that one...)
-big changes are scary, but exciting. just take the plunge.
-live without regrets. they require entirely too much energy to maintain.
-trust fully. without it, all you get are doubts.
-always trust yourself. you can do more than you think
-sometimes beer and ice cream do solve all of life's problems
-if you don't know the answer. fake it. most people just want an answer.
-faith is a blue bird

those are just some of the things that i have come to learn from 2010. oh i've also learned to take what darwin says with a grain of salt. normally he is correct and i listen to him. but i have also learned that we are really gung-ho to do something for about 2 weeks. then it fizzles. or that when he says he wants to wait to do something, he actually means he wants to do it right then. and that he wants to talk something out, but he's already made up his mind.

silly boys.

ciao.

"Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star, you can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same, making things turn out right." - The Rescuers

connundrums.

have you ever tried to list something on craig's list? we do a lot of "craig's listing" and it sometimes can be the most frustrating part of the day. take last week for instance, i literally changed the password on craig's list 4 times. 4. absolutely ridiculous. then i just had to make a new account all together. just ludicrous if you ask me. today i had to reset the password again. i've now tried to list darwin's rover 6 times. finally i think i may have managed to make it work, but no guarantees. it says that it has posted, but then straight up doesn't show up in the listings. no idea. so, long story short, i give up. everything else i post shows up, just not the rover. i guess it's not ready to have a new home. if you have any thoughts on why this is happening, or why craig's list refuses to let me sign in, please let me know, because i have got nothing. zilch, nada, zero....

i did however get to drive keisha on friday. i rather love driving keisha. she is big, and big. people just get out of your way. the one downside is finding parking for that beast. she has a big ole rear end and it just not compact. you have to practically park in africa and walk a gajillion miles. but i love her so. mmm french fries. that's what she smells like. after the blue plume of smoke dissipates (not so much these days...), she smells like used veggie grease, so usually french fries. and it is awesome!

last night i won our friends royal rumble pool. i won a belt. i wore it to work today...i look like a child on christmas in the photo, but i don't care because i won a belt that spins and is entirely too big!

mantras....

working for a small company has it pluses and minuses (i am sure working for multinational conglomerate corporation big malarky companies also does too, but this i know nothing about, and i personally do like to make assumptions; because that makes an ass out of you and 'mption - whoever that may be...). but anyway, everyone plays the plus minus game in life, it's all a matter of what you see as pluses and if you are willing to overlook a few minuses to stay ahead.

now that being said. this game can get tricky, because what may seem like a plus may turn out to be a HUGE minus, or vice versa, and completely throw off your ratio. you want everything to come up sunshine and roses, but it doesn't always work out the way you plan. you can plan and plan and plan, but something will inevitably throw a wrench into your well thought out plan. i like to tell darwin that i can plan for the best, but i do much better when i plan for the worst and hope for the best. going into situations knowing they may not end up perfectly, helps you remember to go with the flow and what is meant to be will be. everything happens for a reason and it will most decidedly work out in the end. however, the waiting game and the constant grinning do get old. i will be the first to admit that waiting is absolutely terrible and trying to find the reasoning behind things happening sucks, but i have come to learn to stop looking and start living.

it's part of my 2011 mantra. just let it be. it is january 21st and i have broken that mantra approximately 3 times already. that is a one a week mantra breaking. not exactly the best record, but old habits die hard, right? well mine do at least. if i have learned anything from the past, it's that i do not do well with knowing when to throw in the towel. i have to keep reminding myself that i haven't quit, i've just decided to take another route.

there are many pluses that come with my job...and also some minuses. 9 times out of 10 the pluses overshadow the minuses to the point where its almost as if they aren't even real. some days however (3 of them so far) the minuses come up and rear their ugly heads...i would like to say that i am an adult and can handle it with grace and poise, but that's just laughable. i am toddler. i freak out (on my own time, ahem, mostly on my own time). it's usually a 3 day funk period and then something funny happens and you remember that not everything has to be so serious....

let it be. happiness. bravery. fearless. stop looking and start living.

ciao.

hogwash. hooey. poppycock. fatuity. mumbo jumbo.

it's monday. thanksgiving is in three days. this means that all hell is going to break loose at work. it's inevitable. work right before the holidays is silly crazy. i've already sent out a flooring quote, wandered the warehouse looking for more material (alas...), ignored the phone like a pro (let's be honest i am already really good at that one), craig's listed, answered back-logged e-mails, and naturally trolled the internet for something to entertain me...this is what i came across:

"This is what you shall do: Be loyal to what you love, Be true to the Earth, and Fight your enemies with passion and laughter." - Edward Abbey

It seems rather fitting for a week like this. Where no doubt it is going to be full throttle, gloves on, game face present, and crazy to the last second...it always happens this way, and you would think approaching my 3rd thanksgiving, i would be able to recognize it a little sooner. if it gives you any idea of how crazy things are here, we were going to be closed for the whole week...you see how that's working out for me. sitting at the warehouse, with the dogs (the sweet babies in the picture..coney and then praia in the back), hot chocolate (extremely cold from being purchased at 845 this morning...no, we don't have a microwave, that's just ludicrous), phone buzzing, and not a worry in the world.

i can honestly say i have never been more lost than i am right now, but strangely enough i have never been happier and more okay with it. crazy how life's curve balls turn out. i was loyal to what i loved, true to what i believed (and the earth), and fought tooth and nail. so i guess mr. edward abbey, i achieved your quote. (well, mostly. let's not split hairs here.) so there. beat that...ha

BUT i did almost fall in the toilet 3 times in the past 2 weeks. and i mean literally almost fell in the toilet, none of that figurative malarkey. LITERALLY. if you work with only guys, or live with guys, you come to find out that them putting that toilet seat down is just a pesky mundane task that often gets overlooked. perhaps they think of it as more of a suggestion....hence the toilet episodes. i politely asked (told that it would not be a good day for whoever i encountered if i fell in said toilet) that they please put the seat down, not even the cover, just the seat. (not too terribly much to ask right?). i was promptly greeted with laughter and how they thought it would be absolutely hilarious if i actually fell in...good grief charlie brown, i just can't win around here....

oh thank god thanksgiving is only 3 days away...three long, toilet seat up days away...

p.s. expect to hear my screams when i fall in, because it is going to happen. i will probably scream, laugh, cry, and scream again. it will be one of my better moments...

enjoy this little gem...

bravery.

i acquired a bracelet while on sabbatical from atlanta this past weekend. it says "love life" and on the back it says "be brave." it's a simple bracelet, but i am a huge fan of it. (mainly bracelets in general, but in particular this one...for right now at least...)

working for a small company involves a lot of bravery. you have to face your fears, stand up for what is right, and most of all follow your dreams. with that being said, i have had to face a lot of fears in the past two years. i am not afraid of much, mainly irrational things (snakes, spiders, jetskis...), but some things are intimidating and quite scary around here. people in general scare me a bit. i am an extremely nervous and awkward person (it's okay, i've embraced it...). it's my quirk, we've all got them, now you just have to figure out how to live with them.

facing my fears was something that was immediately apparent to me that had to be done. i'm still not great at some things, like say the phone, but i am working on them. i have gotten better at my interpersonal skills, but the problem lies in when people become pushy. i have learned to channel that frustration elsewhere, but sometimes i get overwhelmed. (hence the sabbatical).

being awkward has it's perks though. i am not above the awkward stare down or the awkward pause, they just don't bother me. some people however cannot handle them, and that is where i hone my awkwardyness (?) skills.

i have learned through many trials and tribulations however that most of the time people do not take what i say seriously. they want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth...ahem, darwin's mouth. i mean i get it, i sound like i am twelve, and i look about as smart as oh i don't know a bale of hay, but seriously. i am very smart, and i know an inordinate amount about wood (oh let the jokes just roll on in on that one...). i don't claim to know everything (okay, you got me there, i am italian, so i know everything or at least can make something up), but if you stop and listen to what i have said and then listen to was said horse says, they are one in the same.

so here is a little adventure in purchasing tires for a F-350 dually. it goes a little something like this...

"hey dot."
"hmm."
"can you drive the dually to kauffman and get new tires please? they have already been ordered. we only need two. tell them to use the front tires as the outer tires on the back and put the new tires on the front."
"mmkay. sure sure, whatever."

driving along in massive vehicle in the ghetto...HARK what is that i see and hear? a nice african american gentleman singing to me. SINGING! a little diddy something like this: "white girl in the ghetto. she's driving a big ole truck. white girl in the ghetto. she should be an ad for trucks..." PHENOMENAL! i love being serenaded in the ghetto. makes my heart flutter all crazy like.

moving forward. kauffman tire. -

"umm, hi my boss called in some tires for that rig over there." (pointing and looking ensues).
"sure sure.." computer pitter patter...after much confusing, tires have been located....GEE WHIZ.

now here is where the fun really begins...

"okay, i want you to take the two new tires and put them on the front of the truck. take those front tires and put them on the back outside tires..." -simple enough?-
"so new tires on the back, back to front and dispose front."
"um, no." re-explain.
"right, that's what i said..."
"i don't think so. i just want to make sure it's right." now the hand motions, with descriptions get involved...
"oh okay, i see what you mean now." FINALLY

i leave kauffman and then get a phone call. the front tires don't fit on the back...what? hold on, hold on, talk to darwin...darwin - did you take them off and remount them on the back? like take them off the wheel hub? oh uh, no no i did not. IDIOTS. mainly because these wheel hubs are completely different from front to back....

case in point. hook line and sinker. signed, sealed, delivered. all of those euphemisms apply here...

like running a three ring circus. so be brave, stand your ground, face your fears. that's the mantra i keep on repeat these days. it's tough (i highly recommend the occasional sabbatical), but somebody has got to do it right?

hgtv famous...

once upon a time, there was a 21 year old female college graduate who was unemployed. now you may be wondering who on earth i could be talking about. it's me silly. hahaha, i'm so clever i know. this is the story of how i came to be working for this lovely little operation (i resisted the urge to rewrite the fresh prince with my own lyrics...) down here in the ghetto of atlanta (wave to the ted when you come down, or the dome, or the crackhead; whatever suits your fancy).

i graduated from the university of georgia in may of 2008. i was happy to be done with school, but that awesomeness was soon deflated by moving and realizing i had no job. and not only did i have no job, i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. who does when they are 21? if you are one of those people that does, then i will warn you of what is about to happen. i hate you. there i said it, i hate you. there are just too many options to be bothered with picking one silly little day job. so i naturally did what any graduate does: move in with best friend in a new city, check; "look" for jobs from approximately 11-1, check; go to the pool all summer long, double check. that made for a great summer for me, until i got the call of death: "listen we love you and are proud of your accomplishments, but GET A JOB!" point taken...let the search commence.

once i was thoroughly convinced that i was not actually employable, my uncle calls me and says that he met this guy, darwin, who sell really cool wood. eh, okay. he needs someone to help him out a couple of days a week, so i gave him your e-mail and phone number. eh, okay. it was one of those rare mornings that i was up at 630 (those are still rare...) and received a phone call at 7 and answered it (also another rarity). low and behold it was darwin, wanting to know if i could come in that day and talk with him about working there. sure sure of course of course; when, where, how on earth do i get there? the ghetto you say, ah i know a thing or two about ghetto hopping, sure i'll be there at 11, sounds magical. so i go and can say i am immediately awestruck at what i see. a. the ghetto (that was no joke, might have hit a crackhead with a shopping cart full of cans to recycle...) b. a giant warehouse painted blue c. people running around like chickens with their heads cut off cutting up wood....this could be fun. i find darwin, easier said that done. and we chat for oh all of 10 minutes and he looks at me and says can you start tomorrow, say come in around 9? uh, tomorrow? as in the day after today, as in approximate 22 hours? yea, i mean i guess...i'll have to check my busy calendar, who am i kidding, OF COURSE. next question: can you work quickbooks? uh, stammer stammer, sure? darwin: works for me...alrighty deal, one catch though, i am going to the beach on friday (ahem, exhibit a of why corporate america and me just don't jive) and won't be back until next thursday. darwin: sounds fun, have a good time, see you tomorrow. well alright then, looks like i have just become partially employed. score one for dot....

so i've been at work for let's say 2 weeks or so, it's almost my birthday (i am a toddler about my birthday, really a toddler in general, but if presents are involved you can bet your ass i will be more excited than any little kid could ever be), and i have just begun to learn the ropes. answer the phone, tell them yes yes we most certainly can do that, write everything down, pass said papers to darwin. approximately 1 out of 5 actually will get read and you just have to keep reshuffling and hand them to him again. not efficient, but i've only been here 2 weeks. i didn't know back then that i could actually bully darwin into paying attention for longer than a nanosecond or that it really is hard to get in trouble around here, short of setting the place on fire of course...well this is when darwin tells me, hey HGTV filmed me a couple of months ago for a segment they did on green companies (or something of the like). i nod along, not entirely knowing where this is going...and he goes, so they want to come film some more and maybe give us a tv show...SAY WHAT? they are coming thursday (or something) so just a heads up. i work thursdays...okay, WAIT WAIT WAIT, thursday is my birthday...could a birthday get any better than that? needless to say, it can't. except when they start asking you all these awkward questions....

do you worry about what your friends think of your job?
uh, what? i mean, what? no i never really thought about it.
do you care that you smell like sawdust at the end of the day?
well, seeing as how i've smelled sawdust since before i can remember, i am going to have to say no. i actually love the smell and wouldn't change it for anything.
how do you get customers to pay outstanding bills?
ex-girlfriend style. (what?). oh you want me to explain? okay, we start off real nice, just want to chat things over. then we call again, a little less agreeable, then we call again and we just are downright angry and annoying. just like an ex-girlfriend. it works well, and people will pay because they are tired of seeing the phone light up with our number...
here is the humdinger of all humdinger questions: so do you have a crush on your boss?
uh, what? (keep in mind i have to repeat these questions when i answer them...) do i have a crush on my boss? well, that is a loaded question, huh? i mean, he is 26 (? i think) and has his own business, what's not attractive about that...(of course it probably wasn't as eloquent and i probably looked like a tomato, but whatever).

judging by the first two weeks, i could tell that this place was going to be fun and probably get me into a lot of trouble. but ya know what, asking for forgiveness is a lot easier than asking for permission in my book...

now here we are over 2 years later and i am still here. i've learned a lot, like how to calculate board foot (or what it is for that matter), but not just about lumber. i've learned the stress of running a small business, of dealing with snot nosed customers, dealing with snot nosed vendors, how to smile through it all and most importantly how to use a really really southern accent to your advantage. try it some time ladies, it is like a wonder drug. i guess that's probably not the most important thing, it's probably something soft and cuddly like how much my relationships with the people here mean to me, but the southern accent one is just too good to pass up. oh diet soda is like liquid crack....

fight for what you love and love what you fight for. it's a vicious endless circle, but it keeps me sane...almost.

well, well, well

so today, i decided that starting a blog would be a good idea (read: huge deterrent from being an adult). with that being said, i guess i should start off by saying why i started this blog. i work for Mississippi Wood Trader, a specialty lumber company in atlanta, and not only do i believe in the product we produce, but i also find some of the happenings around here to be absolutely hysterical: i.e. forklifts falling in sinkholes...

now this lumber company. we do specialty wood...ha...but seriously we take trees that have been felled from atlanta and some of it's surrounding areas and turn it into functionally useable lumber (floors, moulding, you get the idea. and if not, then woah...). it's a cool concept, saves the environment, and ya know, gives ya a huge chip on your shoulder of accomplishment. pretty awesome right? what 24 year old girl wouldn't want to come home everyday smelling like wood...er, lumber? but honestly, i grew up in this environment and i wouldn't have it any other way. i am a tomboy who occasionally, very occasionally, like to get pretty and dress up. (always makes for a fun ridicule filled day at work).

so the name: blueprints and power tools. blueprints, because i have to look at them a lot, in various and sundry forms. if you aren't careful they will make your eyes cross, and you also may need a neuroscience degree to translate them...furthermore, blueprints because we are a small company and we are pretty much flying solo and learning from our mistakes. which is harder at some times than others, but also gives us freedom to grow and become what we truly want to be. which is glorified hippies, with power tools, who like to drink copious amounts of beer and or vodka, and make beautiful one of a kind products that you will talk about for years to come. now the fun part: POWER TOOLS...(i don't use caps, but when i do, you can guarantee it's because of something that makes me very happy). i digress, power tools: one of the most fun things in the entire world. they are loud, they are dangerous, and they shoot things (most of them at least). i grew up with power tools, i've been around them my whole life, i get to use them at work. what more could a girl ask for? i mean come on i get to play with glorified weapons all day...

i can't promise a post a day, but i can promise an honest blog about honest people. follow along and see where this journey takes us...