deadbeat.

that's a lot of red.

remember that to do list i told you about?

well let's pile on some more things to it shall we? just as i thought it was almost completed.

son of a....

things got really interesting yesterday.

our landlord, who is a wonderful talented and amazing human being (NOT), has found himself in some financial trouble. which does not translate into awesomeness for us. not even in the least. not even a tiny, minuscule, minute, wee bit.

fantabulous.

side note: i do not like ray lamontange. realized that about 10 seconds too late. thanks for nothing pandora...i kid, i love you, please don't ever stop playing your delicious music to me.

now where were we? oh yes, deadbeat landlords.

financial trouble you might ask? well. the list is long and obnoxious so i won't bore you with the details. and poor darwin has to take the brunt of it...

mainly because i like to scheme our power bills. listen, i am all about paying my bills, especially when they are delivered in a timely manner, and are full of things that i have purchased/used. now i get cranky when i am asked to pay for things that i did not break/purchase/use. (ask darwin about the new land rover some time, he can tell you how perturbed i was about that one...)

so we have this long standing feud with our LL about our power bill (LL=landlord). so we moved into our shop in the middle of august, but were fully in september 1. so now. here's the fun part. he hands us a power bill dated...wait for it...july-august.

um no.

not relavent, but funny nonetheless.

so we pay it, because LL has no money, because he apparently spent it all on floozies and michelob ultra (that is not true, well it could be, but i have no proof of that...except the mich ultra...). i then deduct that bill from our rent check. seems logical, no? not to redneck LLs.

darwin calms him and explains it....which only requires about 10 minutes of breathe, but about 3 hours of actual time spent, because you know you have to listen to LL bitch and moan for approximated 2 hours and 50 minutes....

i proceed to do this on all our rent checks...poor darwin must endure this each month.

well let's stroll right along to april...that tactic didn't go over so well. and by so well i mean not at all. LL gets all uppity and in darwin's face about this deduction maneuver i use. he says i quote "if you don't want to pay the rent, then leave."

second favorite quote: "she's (me) your problem. i got rid of mine a long time ago. you can deal with her." why thank you for thinking so highly of me mr. LL.

well played sir...looks like we will be leaving. ASAFP. emphasis on the F.

"later boners"...always sunny in philadelphia. 

so new task...find somewhere to go.

happy spring to us. i think we may have found the solution, but it is going to make april even  busier than that awesome 2 page list.

ciao.

gif source penguin
gif source

forklifting...

so it's tomorrow: LOOPHOLE! - i never told you which day would be tomorrow. tricky, i know.

forklift extraction.

ouch.

it's a science. a very inexact science at best. but a science nonetheless.

i am beginning to think that perhaps i should add it to my list in my resume and on my business card: "official forklift extractor." more like really good at telling you how to extract the forklift. that's a lie, i am also really good at getting them out too, but i like to keep that to myself and all 4 of you that read this (that 4 is being generous...)

round 1:

new shop. forklift in a hole. no other method of extraction besides the truck. i was not involved in that extraction. mainly because i couldn't stomach the viewing of it. it was all entirely too nerve-racking for me. forklift got extracted. win - win.

round 2:

new shop. forklift stuck in the field. me in forklift. darwin in trackhoe. yes trackhoe. darwin behind me in forklift shoving. it was a lot of wheel spinning, mud throwing, but it came unstuck.

round 3:

new shop. forklift stuck in a hole (round 1 style - same hole). trackhoe involvement round 2. lots of mud throwing, wheels spinning, plywood shoving, and ratchet strap maneuvering. ya know the usual. it got unstuck.

now i think i have a degree in forklift extraction.

ahh the joys of working in a lumberyard.

ciao.

picture: http://whomeninja.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/funny-car-pictures-23.jpg

wild goose chase

have you ever had one of those days when nothing goes according to plan? i have those days quite a bit around the lumberghettoyard. there is no way to really predict what will go wrong (or in fact how terrible it will really be), but it is guaranteed. you just kind of close one eye and squint and hope for the best.

well tuesday i was tasked with stamping the ends of freshly cut timbers with our logo and then also putting the dimensions on the ends of them. not a terribly difficult task. i found some bright pink spray paint and wandered outside. first timber goes well, stamped and later dimensions added (that task was added later). second timber...bright pink spray paint explodes in my hand. pink spray paint is everywhere: covering both of my hands, down one of my arms, all over my uggs, and in my hair. it was like a rave gone horribly wrong. i tried without success to get the paint off. i keep finding remnants of it, and also it turns out that if you have blond hair, yea pink spray paint isn't coming out. just my luck. so looks like i've got pink paint to keep me entertained for the foreseeable future.

this is not the worst thing to happen to me, not even close. that actually is something that i should have come to expect after all this time. what i didn't expect was to walk in to jersey mike's one day and call darwin and ask him if he wanted me to get him a sandwich and to be greeted with: "i threw it out the window." - you threw what out the window? - "it took me to the wrong side of (expletive, expletive) town and i threw it out the window. it's gone." - excuse me, what, what is gone? - "the gps, i threw it out the window." - well okay, do you want a sandwich? - "get me the biggest expletive sandwich you can, and order a new gps." - well alrighty then.

you just never know what storm you are going to walk into around here. i handle them fairly well, but the gps one caught me off guard. i just didn't think a grown man would throw a gps out the window...clearly, that is a lie, i totally expected it. i mean, i've been frustrated and all, but i don't think it would occur to me to throw a gps out the window. maybe hurtle a phone across a room, but certainly not out of a moving vehicle. (well okay maybe occasionally, but honestly who hasn't?)

i learned a few valuable things that day: gps(es) do lie (proven fact), throwing things will fix them (logical), don't poke the bear, feed boys regularly (if you don't, they become cranky and whiney and apparently angry at the world), and of course, never, ever question the logic of a hungry guy who has been taken on a wild goose chase, when he tells you that he threw the gps out the window...ah the little lessons in life.

oh. the new gps...she certainly has a stutter...it's adorable.

spinning.

so today has been an eventful day for me. i'm in charge, added oil to the rover, been to the vet, been to the post office, paid bills, made a haircut appointment for praia, bought dog food, updated insurance, finagled quickbooks, been covered in sludge from keisha and changed a deadbolt. now if you had to guess which one of these was the most difficult, which would you say? i would have put money on the vet being the most difficult part of my day. wrong.

the deadbolt proved to be the most difficult thing that i would encounter today. literally a chimpanzee can change a deadbolt. i had the entire thing torn apart in approximately 2 minutes. probably actually less than that. there are 4 screws that hold a deadbolt together. and i fought with 1 lousy screw for 25 minutes. 25. 2-5. ludicrous. it took 4 tools to get 1 screw out. terrible. 2 different screw drivers, a hammer and vice grips. i literally fought with the door. by the way if you are wondering, trying to use both hands and hold a door open is probably one of the more awkward maneuvers to perform. it is also not a very graceful, or girlie look. granted, i am not usually described as graceful or girlie; i do have the capacity to be both, but in this situation i needed to dig down and pretty much mount a metal door. one of my finer moments.

so that was my challenge for the day, besides finding the hidden hood release on the rover (another magical moment today). i am beginning to think that i have at least one a day. some are more trying than others, but today proved to test my limits. i am a competent girl, i use power tools, i use regular tools, i can drive a big F-350 through small spaces, but today tested me in the frustration scenario. but mission accomplished, we can move on to a new challenge. bring it.

work is a balancing act. well life is a balancing act. but sometimes, you've just got to spin.

silly.

you know what is fun about being a girl working in lumber? the shock factor.

it's like when you know someone by phone relationship only and you build this idea of what they look like and then you meet them and you were WAY off. while that is always entertaining and usually a huge let down, i often wonder what people think when they have a phone relationship with me.

if we break down my phone relationships in the viewpoint of those who talk to me it goes like this. a- i sound like i am 12. b- i sound like a 12 year old boy. c- i am awkward. d- let's throw i am awkward in there again. (side note: if you put me in a backwards hat, i am most certainly a 12 year old boy. try it sometime, it's fairly amusing from what i hear and see.)

so what would you picture if that was the description given? because i most certainly picture a nerdy girl (no offense) with a bowl cut. not exactly my type.

which leads to when i meet people for the first time that i have talked on the phone with, i always get this startled look and then a confused look, followed by a complete sentence. i find it entertaining. it gets really entertaining when i start talking and they realize i know what i am talk about. go figure....

take today for instance. i went out to our millwork shop for the first time to drop off some plans. i walk in and ask the man looking curiously at me if Terry was there. "Yeah. You must be Darwin's." - i am now possessed by darwin. how entertaining. - smile and nod. "Terry. Here's Darwin's." - again, really?. "Hey Terry, I'm Dorothy." "Uh. Hey." Okay I've got these plans for you....blah blah blah....lumber talk...problems solved. see i do know what i am talking about.

i find it amusing the presumptions that people have about me. sometimes i play the dumb blonde card because it is amusing or i really like the panicky darwin is on a rampage card, that one is always fun.

i also really like walking into buckhead architect offices wearing jeans and a ratty t-shirt asking to pick up a check for $5,000. that one usually gets unusual looks. mainly from the front office ladies. the look is wiped right off their faces when their boss walks out to sign a check (or attempt to deny checks) and then i use that southern drawl, and blink really fast. then VIOLA checks appear....

ah, lumber. i love being a girl in a guys world. being a tomboy who likes to "occasionally" dress up has its advantages. or it may just be the fact that i am a girl in general...

hogwash. hooey. poppycock. fatuity. mumbo jumbo.

it's monday. thanksgiving is in three days. this means that all hell is going to break loose at work. it's inevitable. work right before the holidays is silly crazy. i've already sent out a flooring quote, wandered the warehouse looking for more material (alas...), ignored the phone like a pro (let's be honest i am already really good at that one), craig's listed, answered back-logged e-mails, and naturally trolled the internet for something to entertain me...this is what i came across:

"This is what you shall do: Be loyal to what you love, Be true to the Earth, and Fight your enemies with passion and laughter." - Edward Abbey

It seems rather fitting for a week like this. Where no doubt it is going to be full throttle, gloves on, game face present, and crazy to the last second...it always happens this way, and you would think approaching my 3rd thanksgiving, i would be able to recognize it a little sooner. if it gives you any idea of how crazy things are here, we were going to be closed for the whole week...you see how that's working out for me. sitting at the warehouse, with the dogs (the sweet babies in the picture..coney and then praia in the back), hot chocolate (extremely cold from being purchased at 845 this morning...no, we don't have a microwave, that's just ludicrous), phone buzzing, and not a worry in the world.

i can honestly say i have never been more lost than i am right now, but strangely enough i have never been happier and more okay with it. crazy how life's curve balls turn out. i was loyal to what i loved, true to what i believed (and the earth), and fought tooth and nail. so i guess mr. edward abbey, i achieved your quote. (well, mostly. let's not split hairs here.) so there. beat that...ha

BUT i did almost fall in the toilet 3 times in the past 2 weeks. and i mean literally almost fell in the toilet, none of that figurative malarkey. LITERALLY. if you work with only guys, or live with guys, you come to find out that them putting that toilet seat down is just a pesky mundane task that often gets overlooked. perhaps they think of it as more of a suggestion....hence the toilet episodes. i politely asked (told that it would not be a good day for whoever i encountered if i fell in said toilet) that they please put the seat down, not even the cover, just the seat. (not too terribly much to ask right?). i was promptly greeted with laughter and how they thought it would be absolutely hilarious if i actually fell in...good grief charlie brown, i just can't win around here....

oh thank god thanksgiving is only 3 days away...three long, toilet seat up days away...

p.s. expect to hear my screams when i fall in, because it is going to happen. i will probably scream, laugh, cry, and scream again. it will be one of my better moments...

enjoy this little gem...