memphisism.

i have no fun one liners from the rest of this week. it was a rather uneventful week.

well aside from a guy telling me he had bladder cancer - and then proceeding today to tell darwin the entire story of how he found out. thank you overly zealous life story telling man.

well a couple of weeks ago, darwin, his brother robinson and i were driving around north georgia scouting properties. ya know because of this whole long standing "our landlord sucks at life and is a lowlife scum eating turd face" debacle we are in.

things you see a lot of in north georgia:

-abandoned chicken farms
-abandoned homes
-sweet trailer get-ups
-above ground pools (apparently this is not just a south georgia phenomena)
-lots of winding roads
-very little cell service
-riding tractor/mowers

you know the standard.

speaking of above ground pools. well we saw one of them and i was sitting in the back seat with praia -- while ro was trying no to vomit in the front seat -- and i looked over at it and said, well that is greener than shit.

to which darwin promptly replied: wow you are from memphis.

similar to this, but greener and grosser.

i sometimes forget that there are things that people say in memphis that you just don't hear elsewhere. greener than shit being the front runner at the moment....

back to the search for land...with or without the greener than shit pool...i mean i wouldn't turn down a pool. who does that?

next week is a short week for me. i am leaving thursday for my very best friend's bachelorette party. we are going to the beach and I AM SOOOO EXCITED (see how many caps were in that? that's pure excitement gold right there). which means next week is going to be a shit show.

we only have the rest of a floor to deliver, a pay app to get in, and i am sure something will go terribly wrong. it's guaranteed to in fact. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee work crises.  oh and dolly and 1 forklift are broken...good lousy.

i'll take the work crisis in exchange for the beach any day. mmmm salt water and air....that's the cure right there folks.

mmm ocean sunsets.

ciao.

p.s. i apologize for the number of "shits" (that was eloquently put, no?) in this post. i take that back. no i'm not....shit

source

3rd times a charm.

two things that are the absolute devil:

1. pay applications
2. retainage

i realize that there are probably (actually) a lot more things than that fall into the "absolute devil" category, but those are what i have been dealing with for the past 5 days.

it only comes to be an issue on the last possible day to get everything turned in. because of course it makes that much more sense for it to happen then.

old school notary.

they wouldn't be nearly as bad if they a. didn't have to be notarized and b. they weren't such a pain in the butt to refill out. and we could throw c. in there for shits and giggles of that no one tells you your shit is wrong until the last possible second....(yes two shits in one sentence, i apologize for my sailor like vocabulary - it comes with the territory)

by the way, this is only the 2nd pay-app that has gone horribly awry. we are batting 2 for 2 folks. 2 for 2. we only have 2 more that will need to be filled out...odds are not in our favor this round.

aside from that horror story everything has been pretty back to normal around here.

you know the usual - breaking trucks/fixing trucks, outfitting both trucks with new tires (ouch...), selling our souls to millwork to make sure things get done on time, laughing hysterical until crying (one of my favorites)...

and and and IT'S FINALLY WARM! if you only knew how excited this makes me. shorts, flip flops, sundresses, skirts, ludicrously loud colors, and of course: SWIM SUITS! (you should all be very proud of me, i have not bought one swimsuit this year. -i will also not point out the inordinate amount of them i already own)

if you were wondering: yes i managed to velvit oil 500SF heart pine and 650LF of walnut all by myself.

now with fingers and toes crossed i think we have passed the difficult part of this job (knock on some serious wood folks). aside from well ya know the pay-apps and the rest of the job we have to finish...

disclaimer: i wrote this on tuesday. i am just now finishing it today.

stupid pay-app.

i literally skidded to a halt in front of their office at 4:15. busted through the doors and almost threw the paperwork at them.

to preface: i had already driven all over town to meet darwin (very unsuccessfully in my book - i'm usually really good at time management, not so much tuesday). why did i have to meet darwin? because we had to redo the pay-app for the THIRD time. yes folks 3 times. what a mess.

so once we finally got everything re-notarized, i had to haul tail to their office to drop off paperwork. luckily where we got the pay-app notarized was only about a 10 minute drive there. a harrowing 10 minute drive, but 10 minutes nonetheless.

so fingers and toes crossed. but i think we made it just in the nick of time.

oh and guess what we did yesterday...bought another tire. yes, you read that right. another tire....this one at least was for the deckover.

ciao. 



picture

the proverbial fan.

remember that time i told you that darwin was going out of town and it was time to get all of our ducks in a row as to ensure things ran smoothly and there were no crises (yes that is plural of crisis and yes i realize that it looks stupid) that i would have to handle.

well. we all know how that usually turns out. shit hitting the proverbial fan. and yes, you guessed it. shit.hit.the.fan.

that sure is some nice manure you have there good sir.

as i told you before, we had a big job that we shipped out a week ago. we were so happy that we got everything done on time and delivered without too many surprises. well, SURPRISE. they under-ordered or someone missed a take-off section. neither here nor there, but they were short material.

guess who got to solve that dilemma? if you guessed me, then you are correct.

want to know what involved solving that dilemma?

-schlepping heart pine
-reschlepping heart pine
-selling my soul to millwork
-reselling my soul to millwork
-bombing around kennesaw while my soul was at millwork
-SOOOOO MUCH CAFFEINE
-getting home at 630 on a friday
-getting up at 6 on a saturday
-finding out the finishing guy has a chest cold and you are now in charge of finishing 500SF
-praia rolling in compost heap waste
-showering off compost heap waste
-trying not to vomit while showering off compost heap waste
-schlepping more heart pine
-breaking into a 5 gallon container of velvit oil (crow bar and screw drivers involved)
-lining up over 500SF of heart pine (over 10' long)
-crouching around wiping on velvit oil
-trying not to die of velvit oil inhalation

you know the usual.

and you know what made it all worth it? well aside from satisfaction and pride: getting to do it all again today.

i really should add heart pine schlepper to my resume (right under fork lift extractor. i should also really come up with more glamorous names for these things.)

now comes the fun part. selling my soul to millwork again tomorrow to get 650LF of walnut run so that i can finish it tomorrow so that all this material can ship out wednesday morning bright and early.

wish me luck.

ciao. 


**picture

the scream heard round the world.

well folks darwin is going out of town tomorrow. that means two things inevitably.

1. i will be running the company
2. something will go wrong

there is another list of things as well: we will be running around like chickens with our heads cut off to make sure everything gets done, i won't be able to leave like i previously thought, etc. etc.

i try when darwin is out of town to also be out of town. it makes logistics much easier. people respond well to the shop is closed and will reopen on this day. notsomuch to darwin is out of town and i can't exactly help you....

needless to say this all comes up at the end of a big job where paperwork is necessary to have turned in before friday of this week, which translates to get everything done before tomorrow morning because darwin has a flight to catch in the wee hours. no big deal...

because this is funnier than the original.

except that part of the paperwork has to be notarized and if we don't do it right the first time...well you will be able to hear darwin scream from arizona and me start to sob from atlanta. lots of dollars will be put on hold, and well frankly we can't afford that to happen.

this day could get interesting folks. very interesting. and it's only 7a.m. i've been up since 6. i am already not looking forward to the days events.

last week darwin and i put a combined 1,000 miles on the trucks. most of it was me, in keisha. i was in the truck one morning from 8 until 6 that night. i love driving the trucks, but somedays the commute back into atlanta is absolutely more than i can bear. you become like a little kid at the very end of a car ride to start your vacation, except less excited and more annoying, and when you finally arrive home you don't want to do anything but lay down.

not to mention last friday i took keisha to get an oil change and then thought hey i'll be nice and take her to get her tires rotated because darwin has been talking about it non-stop for the past 2 weeks. a few bills later, a couple of hours of time spent in a waiting room, and keisha has four new tires...not exactly the outcome i was expecting....

turns out dually trucks are expensive to run...who knew?

ciao.


photo source

chauffeuring invalids...

things that are fun: puppies, flowers, more puppies, naps, ya know the usual...

things that don't quite fall into that category: darwin being sick and hopped up on pain meds.

that translates into me taking the reigns. now that he isn't quite so gorked out of his mind things are better. but not fully back to normal because he most certainly can't speak. so sign language and notes are what we are working with now.

monday i drove the truck around making deliveries, picking up lumber, and then get this, unloading the lumber by myself at the shop...that was a fun filled day full of caffeine (yes i broke my no caffeine rule). darwin slept on his couch while intermittently sending me text messages.

tuesday i drove darwin to the doctor. and waited, and waited, and waited some more. eventful. once we were done with that, i hauled tail out to the shop to meet some clients. only about 20 minutes late...

i guess this makes me morgan freeman and darwin miss daisy.

today (wednesday) i drove darwin to yet another doctor's appointment. (i'm beginning to feel like a chauffeur for the invalid). once i dropped him there i drove over to the shop and unloaded the truck (yes again and sans caffeine this time). drove to the pharmacy.  hopped back in the truck to pick up some heart pine - sketchy sketchy drive 300 yards that i would like to never do again. dropped off said heart pine. picked up finished heart pine. drove back to the pharmacy and then finally back to the shop. unloaded. drove back into town. stopped in kennesaw to drop of a contract and then, only then made our way back home....

things i learned today:

1. don't ever drive around your boss for a day while doing your job  (not exactly the most calming thing in the world)

2. if you don't take the exact way your boss thinks you should, he will point it out until you oblige accordingly....that only happened 3 times today

3. i cannot talk on the phone and drive at the same time - absolute can't

talking on the phone and driving, i am physically capable of, but when it comes to talking on the phone and actually paying attention to what the person is saying while trying to determine just exactly where you are is not my strong suit.

i can't make clear decisions when i am distracted by someone on the phone. darwin doesn't seem to quite grasp that concept.

some things i am quite capable doing while talking on the phone, but giving my absolute attention to the phone and the road i just can't do. i've tried. it doesn't end prettily.

i'd prefer to not end up with any more wrinkled vehicles this week. 

ciao.

quarter panel crisis...err, i mean life.

lately i have been feeling a bit blue. a cute word for sad, tired, cranky, depressed, and overall a great joy to be around (insert sarcasm).

doesn't that sound like the most awesome ball of fun times ever? yea i didn't think so either. needless to say with that array of awesomeness i am emitting, i haven't been up for much. especially not updating my blog. i can barely update my daily outfit, much less be held to updated my life.

i avoid them by signing up for things like tough mudder...but still failing at the avoidance part

you already know about the dinner party and it's great success. i hear a good time was had by all and judging by the pictures, perhaps "good" isn't the right adjective to describe the time had by all. magnamous may be more appropriate.

you know what makes those tables especially fun?

when they weigh ninetymillionpoundsandyouhavetomovethem. (read: all one breath: ninety million pounds and you have to move them). ::you're welcome for my translation::


i am in a bit of a goofy mood today. i can't seem to focus or sit still for any length of time. no, it's not what you think, i have had no caffeine. side note: i've given it up. unless it comes in the form of chocolate or tea. but sodas are out. and coffee, well it was never really a contender because it's gross.

i feel a bit like a fairy hopped up on life right now. i am going with it's the beautiful weather that i am staring at through this here basement window.

funny work stories? well let me comb my rolodex of hilarity that goes on around here.

mainly they involve blunders. such as the number of times darwin has broken the trucks coming down the interstate. i am sure i have told you about darwin in the black truck and the breaks going out on the downtown connector in 5 o'clock rush hour while pulling a full load and proceeding to break two AAA trucks. if i haven't remind me and i will tell you all about it.

this last one wasn't quite as terrifying, but still not great. the white truck needed new tires. we thought we could squeeze by, but boy were we ever wrong. darwin was coming back from the new shop. my car was at the new shop and i had his land rover. i am leaving to go climbing and he calls me to tell me that he blew the front tire out on dolly (the white truck) and he is waiting on the side of 75-S for AAA. that's always an exciting phone call to field.

no this is not what ours looks like, but it would be pretty sweet if it did. 

candice and i go retrieve darwin from the tire shop and drop the smoldering fumes of madness known as darwin off at his house.

moral of the story: what should have cost us in the amount of two new front tires, cost us in the amount of two new front tires PLUS two new quarter panels PLUS paint. mmmmmm car repair.

glamourous isn't it folks?

ciao.