it’s wednesday and it’s raining. could you make a worse combination if you tried? i am not entirely convinced, but i am sure there is someway to make it worse….and oh wait, i’ve just found it, the internet is going in and out and it’s cold. i am currently (i clearly mean, me and the two dogs) are huddled by the wood stove, pretending that a. we aren’t bored, b. (they don’t have to pee) c. i am not hopped up on diet soda with nowhere to go…it’s like putting a bouncy ball in a confined box and watching it frantically wiggle around trying to find a place to stop and settle (usually my operating speed anyway). it’s just not going to happen and that is something i have vaguely come to terms with. i shouldn’t drink diet soda, but i just love it so. i really am a fan of buying the 93 cent one from Sam’s Club, RaceTrac, Pilot, wherever, and chugging it and annoying the ever living shit out of darwin; he has been known to take them away from me asking for a “sip” and chug the entire thing: “because it’s better that way, if you (me) don’t drink the rest of that. for my sanity and yours.” touche, fact, touche nonetheless. it makes my day more entertaining; i am sure he wishes he could bungee cord me to the chair and watch me squirm so that he doesn’t have to deal with me, but alas, things don’t go as we wish most of the time. hope for the best and plan for the worst right? that is pretty much how i have been living my life the past 6 months or so. walked away from something i knew for over 3 years and did my damndest to not fall apart. it’s november and i am still functioning (some days better than others) and i haven’t fallen apart just quite yet. there have been numerous meltdowns, which i feel i should probably apologize to darwin and my friends for having to be caught in the middle of them, but ya know, shit happens.
days like today are, when the flow chart of ideas going through my head is like driving the autobon in germany: it’s going as fast as possible and it’s dangerous. i often get sidetracked and one tangent leads to about 6 others. which leads me to this post. have you ever just tried to sit down and do something start to finish without stopping, interrupting or getting sidetracked? i have, and i used to be really good at focusing and getting that one task or idea done and moving on to the next one; all with great ease and precision. after over 2 years at Mississippi Wood Trader i find myself lacking the mental ability and drive anymore to make myself sit still and get one task, no matter how menial and small, done without doing 3 others at the same time. i often wonder if maybe i could have handled something better if i would have just taken the time to sort it completely out, and then i promptly forget about it because i have eight million other task in line. i think darwin is rubbing off on me. yet somehow, my organizational overachiever self always steps in and i manage to get everything done. i make lists upon lists and cross things off as i go and then add about 10 more. if you were to read these lists, they would probably look like a bunch of kindergarten gibberish (complete with doodles), which in many cases they actually might be. i am a firm believer in seeing an idea through all its possible outcomes, but sometimes, that may take a day, a month, 2 years, an eternity, i just never really know. usually the best ideas get tossed aside to do something else, like say undoing the Quickbooks disaster that darwin always manages to create, but they come back to me and i begin to ponder. it’s really hard for me to turn my brain completely off.
today i made myself do one task and complete it before i moved on. do you know how HARD that was for me? hopped up on diet soda and french fries? mmmm french fries….case and point. i am not really sure i actually accomplished that task, or really what that task was. hmm. i am not cut out for corporate America; i like the beach entirely too much to be restricted to this silly “vacation time” you people speak of. i’ve got too much energy to be pent up in a cubicle, and i really, really like my dog. so i came to Mississippi Wood Trader, knowing nothing other than what my uncle has told me: darwin’s young, he’s cool, and he sells lumber. i can sell lumber, right? of course i can, i grew up with it….or at least i made myself believe i could. now that being said, i knew i could never work some where being given one task to do a day. good gracious that sounds miserable. so naturally i pick the place with an energetic boss, skateboards, forklifts, trucks, dogs, the whole nine yards. i love it and it proves that no matter how silly an idea may seem, it could turn out to be the best thing you have ever done.
maybe part of the reason i really enjoy working here, is because the random things that shoot through my brain at Indy 500 speeds, don’t seem quite so crazy. ideas around here come and go, and someone has to take them and filter them and carry through with them. that usually falls to me, and i am okay with that, because organizing is something i crave. it’s almost scary how much i can’t handle unfolded laundry, dishes, papers….it sends me into an absolute tizzy.
so there you have it. this is how my brain works, which coincides quite well with how darwin’s works. we both bounce off each other like toddlers and sometimes we meet in the middle and realize a good idea. which is part of the reason i started this blog; i thought it was a good idea, darwin humored me for the nanosecond he was paying attention, and then viola i made a blog. i am a blogger. ha, now that’s just silly.
P.S. expect a lot of rambling, because after over 4 years of structured History major paper writing, i am tired of filtering thoughts (frankly, i am just tired). ideas come in a rush and this is pretty much how i sound at most times anyway. i talk too fast, and i think too much, so it comes out in a jumble and you just have to piece it together and bear with me…it takes a second to get used to, but i find it works best.
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