wishing and hoping.

tim robbins once said: "...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." that quote is from his character andy dufresne in shawshank redemption for those of you living in a hole. perhaps a crater. i'm not entirely positive how you would not know this quote in some shape or fashion, unless you lived in a crater or on the moon. oh, yes on the moon, in a crater. that must be it.

my last post was about faith being a bluebird and believing in something and holding on tight. because if you don't believe in something then what exactly is your purpose? believe in whatever you want, cheese, chocolate, diet coke, puppies, naps, grammar, math, rainbows, unicorns, zombies, god, literature...whatever, just pick something. i have many things that i believe in, for better or for worse, i will always believe in them. even if someone tells you it is silly, keep on believing; prove them wrong. so there in lies the holding on tight. one thing i personally like to believe in is childhood. when you were a kid you believed you could do anything. you were out to prove to the world that you could in fact be WHATEVER you wanted. nothing was too preposterous to be when you grew up. i'm just having a hard time grappling with that whole growing up part. i've gotten older and i've stepped up to my responsibilities, but i'm still a little kid searching.

my entire life i've never known what i wanted to be when i grew up; mainly because i never actually wanted grow up. kind of like peter pan. but then again, i always knew that i wanted to do something with my life. i wanted to make my mark in some way. i didn't know what that would be, but i was sure as shit going to try and find out. i'm still trying to find out and one of these days i'll figure something out and let you know, but for the moment here's to hoping.

i've got a lot of faith in hope. and i've always been a very hopeful person. so i guess i've got that going for me. a lot of faith and even more hope. and dreams. so. many. dreams. and hey, if andy dufresne says that hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies and morgan freeman believed him, then why on earth should i doubt him? that just would be silly and illogical.

at this exact moment, i am believing and have faith and hope in one thing in particular, aside from childhood, and that's a great company that is destined to do big (read: huge) things. and for right now, that's enough for me. maybe it won't always be, but it is for now, and i am okay with that. nothing is better than participating in something you believe in and seeing it grow to it's full potential. mark my words: nothing. absolutely nothing.

bluebirds.

so last year was not such a great year for us. it wasn't a particularly great year for anyone truthfully, but it was reallllll (pronounced ruhl) bad for us. we toyed with the idea of shutting down, cutting back hours, finding other things to do, move to tahiti...all the scenarios came through. (i still personally like the tahiti one...a girl can dream right?).

we made it though. we've got a few battle scars and we will never forget what we saw and experienced, but we are still here fighting the good fight. most days...we have learned that it is okay to take a day or week off. the company isn't going to fall apart. if you need a break, take the break. it does no one any good to sit around in a horrid stressed out mood...unless of course there is diet coke and i can annoy the ever living shit out of you...that i am reallllll GOOD at...realllll good.

there were a few highlights from last year despite all the terrible:

-believe in something, anything. just believe and hold on tight
-dream the impossible. dreams keep you sane.
-friends love you no matter your dollar amount net worth
-if they don't then they weren't true friends and karma will catch up...
-it's okay to ask for help (still working on that one...)
-big changes are scary, but exciting. just take the plunge.
-live without regrets. they require entirely too much energy to maintain.
-trust fully. without it, all you get are doubts.
-always trust yourself. you can do more than you think
-sometimes beer and ice cream do solve all of life's problems
-if you don't know the answer. fake it. most people just want an answer.
-faith is a blue bird

those are just some of the things that i have come to learn from 2010. oh i've also learned to take what darwin says with a grain of salt. normally he is correct and i listen to him. but i have also learned that we are really gung-ho to do something for about 2 weeks. then it fizzles. or that when he says he wants to wait to do something, he actually means he wants to do it right then. and that he wants to talk something out, but he's already made up his mind.

silly boys.

ciao.

"Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star, you can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same, making things turn out right." - The Rescuers

crisis. management.

i do a lot of crisis management around here. i've learned to expect the unexpected or at least fake that i expected it to be coming. doesn't matter how ludicrous it is, someone will undoubtedly ask for it and you have to be on your toes. it makes for an awesome day.

take last week for instance. darwin decided that he wanted to be beach bum and leave me in charge of the company. -that rat bastard - so naturally, i said whatever and went right back to what i was doing. fast forward to the middle of the week, when darwin then tells me that i am in charge of this huge order that has to go out friday, and if it doesn't then we've lost a huge potential client. no pressure or anything....after wrestling with the freight company and finally getting that straight i figured i was in the clear. WRONG. they screwed up the pick-up date and thought it was the day that i started scheduling everything, not friday. son of a...we moved onto round three with the freight company. dot: 0 freight: 2. not good odds. i did however bully my way to a victory. it wasn't pretty and i was almost in tears, but i won.

friday rolls around and everything goes according to plan. so i am sitting pretty. i have managed to get all the ducks in a row and darwin isn't even town. amazing. i log out of work early, because i mean darwin is at the beach, so there is absolutely no reason for me to be there, and proceed on with my weekend. monday comes and everything is still kosher, the delivery is on time. tuesday hits.....cue impending doom music....i am at darwin's house (my new home office...pretty swanky) and i get a frantic phone call from the people who are receiving the material...uh oh...

the freight carrier decided that they weren't going to actually deliver it on time and were holding the material hostage. PHENOMENAL! so i race to work. call the freight company, get passed to about 80 gajillion people before anyone figures out what the heck i am talking about. i have to make up a release form - no, if you are wondering, there is no standard release form from the freight company, go figure...- and fax it off to the world of faxes and hope for the best. made for an exciting day and it was only 930.

the problem with crisis management is that once you solve one, it's then a waiting game for the next one. the other problem is that you can't hunker down and wait for the crisis - that would be a terrible existence - so instead you mosey along with your day/week/month/life and then wham blindsided by another crisis. i unfortunately don't usually get the month long respite, or even the week long for that matter....

ciao.

yep.

apparently i am really productive when i am in charge of the company. who knew?

lunching...

have you ever tried to find something delicious to eat when you are in the ghetto? if not, then you do not know the challenge involved in playing hide and go seek with appropriately edible foods at the lunchtime hour. i have however been faced with this struggle going on three years. i must say it is not an easy challenge to take on. you must face it with the full force of perhaps an angry lion if you want to make any progress. (believe you me, when darwin is hungry, you may have better odds with a lion...why do you think i call him lunchman?)

you could always take the easy route and choose from one of the many fried chicken emporiums that surround you on every corner. ms. winner's - church's - mcdonald's - kfc - all the staples. there is no chick-fil-a, zaxby's or anything of that nature, but i will say a ms. winner's chicken biscuit when you are hungover may be one of the greatest things since perhaps fried chicken itself. and let's not forget all the fried fish palaces. those are just delectable and ya know hurl worthy. mmmm week old fried unidentifiable fish. sounds appetizing right?

sometimes we get lucky and something like quizno's moves in. it lasted all of a month, if that. there is always the tried and true subway - but i would rather eat a deep fried shoe i think than gag down subway. it's just soo terrible. anything slightly okay, stays for a matter of long enough to realize their surroundings and then closes. it's really quite depressing. we've stopped trying to frequent new places that are delicious, nicely priced, and appropriate for us to enter, because they invariably close and we've become attached and then it's like a break-up and no-one likes those. no-one at all...

the worst one to date for us was Kabobee. it was single handedly the greatest lunch place we had for almost a solid year. then the day came, when darwin and i went for lunch and we were informed they were closing...(to become a seafood palace...). we hung our heads, had our last meal and asked if we could perhaps come to their house periodically for some delicious persian food. parma laughed, but we were serious. we came almost everyday, and then some. they knew us, we knew them. it was an amazing setup. i would give everything i have (which isn't much at the moment, but it's the thought) to be able to have another meal there. i was filing away 2010 papers and i found a lone Kabobee receipt, and i almost cried. who knew you could get so attached (let's be honest, we knew, we just chose to live in the dark about it, and push right on through without a worry in the world)?

so this post is dedicated to Kabobee and it's wonderfully delicious straight from home persian recipes. you will be missed and we promise to never forget you. if you could maybe find it in your hearts, to come back, we would greatly appreciate it...

ciao.

one of these days we are going to eat at GutBusters. mark my words....

what's a girl got to do, to get some beach action?

do you ever have those days where you want to politely (or not so politely) excuse yourself from the world and just run away for a little while? i've been thinking, with increasing notion, that this may be a good idea. everyone needs a little break, right? right? right? anyone? just a little break. nothing major. just an escape. oh, i like that better, an escape. it's rather like when you just want a brownie, or a chip, or some ice-cream. it smooths everything over just enough to get you back into the swing of things. a refresher if you will. nothing major or life-changing. just a chance to relax and forget about the stresses that come day to day.

perhaps a fruity drink with an umbrella in it would tide me over for a bit. probably not, but it may be my best option for now. i think me and the beach would get along quite well. i wouldn't be pushy or ask too many questions (i tend to ask too many questions...most of the time i don't want answers, they are just out loud musings.). i promise i really won't.

my best friend and her family were kind enough to take me to asheville, north carolina last weekend. that was a great reprieve. i did learn however that i am a beach kid to the core. the mountains are beautiful and picturesque, but there is just something about the beach. the smell, the waves, the sand, the salt. all of it. it made me miss the beach even more. mainly the beach as a kid. playing in the sand making castles. finding sand for the next three weeks after you've left the beach....

today has been rather eventful and has made darwin and i seriously rethink the way things run around the shop. nothing like calling the cops by 10:45 on a tuesday to get your day going. not one of our better mornings. none of it was our fault, but it means that security is going to be a lot tighter around the shop and that i probably in all likelihood won't ever be there alone again. or perhaps i should start carrying a gun. wouldn't that be entertaining? dot with a gun. ha.

so as much fun as the shop has been today: guy trying to sell me a fake-ass gold chain (ya know, to pay for his car getting worked on next door); cops; forklift driving; darwin in the rafters standing on the forklift...it's been a big day and i am glad to say that i am no longer sitting at the shop. it's not the beach or anything (that would make this tuesday far more exhilarating, not too mention, this blog probably wouldn't be written), but it most certainly is not the ghetto....but then again nothing really is.

ciao.

punch drunk.

mikey and rachel got married this weekend (my brother and my new sister). i am super excited for the two of them and couldn't be happier.

i also managed to give a speech without having a nervous breakdown. don't get me wrong, i tried very hard to have a nervous breakdown, i just managed to subdue it a bit....read: copious amount of beer. BUT i did it.

meanwhile back at the ranch, we are playing car roulette again.

keisha is officially brand new (again). new heart and back at the shop (well okay, fine, she is in route)

georgedolly is at the shop getting some new accessories (boys and their toys...)

the xterra is well, limping. it's not pretty. she and my and dog are old and tired.

the rover is sold. to some poor, poor soul who has no idea that it's going to implode

so we are down to 1.5 vehicles. amazing. out of 4, well really 3 because the rover is someone else's problem now, we have 2 and those are currently running at less than half capacity. TERRIBLE!

darwin wants to purchase an old jeep and run it on propane. now i've done the logic argument and ya know what? let him have his toy. (not like he wasn't going to purchase it anyway). i mean this is his company. his heart and soul and sweat equity have kept this place together, so why shouldn't he have his car project? not to mention he loves a good car project. he gets to be all manly and things. so of course: jeep project.

we tossed around the idea of leasing a honda civic. but, who honestly wants to drive a civic? they have absolutely no game. NONE. you flat out cannot look cool driving around a honda civic. i don't care what anyone says. you just can't.

now apparently i have been thrown the honda civic bone. my car according to darwin "worries him every time i get in it." well, that's reassuring. so now i am left with this conundrum. i don't want a new car. i want mine to do what it is built to do. (side note: while driving home for the wedding, the dashboard just stopped working for a little while....no speedometer, no odometer, no fuel gauge. nothing.) but it is 11 years old and it just keeps breaking. as much as i hate to admit, it's either sink a lot of money into it and fix it completely or it may be time to look at other options...i am heartbroken. absolutely heartbroken. not to mention i don't want a stupid honda civic....

so i got that going for me....

ciao.

mmmmm. i CANNOT wait to drive the new and improved keisha! WAHOOOO