one of the perks of my job is that i get to bring my dog to work with me. if you know me, then you understand my mild obsession with my dog. i love the coneman, even if his breath does smell like he just ate a turd sandwich....coney gets to play with praia (darwin's non-poodle portuguese water dog...call her a poodle, i find it entertaining), praia gets to bully coney, coney gets to chew on wood scraps... all is right in their little doggie worlds.
whenever darwin is out of town, i have praia. i love her, she gets to lay on my couch and play king (queen) of the castle, and generally annoy coney. (not hard to do, he's 10 - she's 3.) BUT there is the rare occasion when i politely ask (beg) darwin to watch coney. he's not a difficult dog. he would first have to be awake to be difficult, and let's just say he isn't awake much of the day (i rather envy him for his napping ability). this last time darwin had coney for less than 48 hours. and in less than oh 18 hours of leaving i had a lovely email entitled: Coney.
to back up a smidgen (how is smidge not a word, but smidgen is?)...i had flown home to run my very first 1/2 marathon. yes i will nod along with you as you stop and think that i am crazy for even thinking of running that far, because frankly i agree with you, which is precisely why i signed up for another one...sidetracked (you would've thought i'd had diet coke today...WRONG.) okay okay. so:
december 3rd. i fly home. darwin has my dog, my car, my house keys. all of my worldly belongings.
december 4th. i run the 1/2 marathon. i get an e-mail from darwin about the conemonster. now just think when you see the subject line of the email and it says coney. i panicked a little (a lot). ha, it gets better. darwin proceeds to tell me that coney fell (slipped, was startled...) into 5 gallons of used motor oil. the sludge from keisha (the dually) is all over my poor little (large) dog. i begin to chuckle, because come on that's just funny....coney is frightened and darwin is trying to corral him to wipe the sludge off. not working out so well for darwin. cone is scared of deep yelling voices...bahahahahahaha more laughter from me. so darwin takes him over to the kennel where we take praia and coney and they tell him they will fix him right up. poor little pooter (coney nor darwin).
december 5th. darwin picks me up from the airport and brings me to my car at the shop. there are oily doggy footprints EVERYWHERE! like woah. i laugh, but then remember that it will be my task to clean them up. oh and also, darwin dropped coney off in my car - yes, footprints are in the back of my car and will not come out...-fantastic. i go pick coney up at the kennel (spa) and the girl doesn't want to give me my dog back. she says i thought darwin was coming to pick him up, and i told her oh, no he had some stuff to do today, i am picking him up. oh well i thought, i mean darwin did drop him off. yeeeeees, but he is MY dog......
december 6th - back to work. it took me about 30 minutes to clean up all the oil - by all of it, i mean my office and maybe a .00005% of where it was in the warehouse....
i am beginning to think that maybe darwin just doesn't want to watch coney...i mean come on. haha. i found it all rather hilarious, right up until the car wash company said the oil wasn't coming out of my seat, and also when i had to clean sludge off and already sludged-out warehouse floor....so many layers of grime and gook came off that floor. gross.
now to plan revenge with p-funk. i am thinking a mohawk or maybe something subtle like pink ribbons and some sweet glitter fingernail polish....she did get a pretty sweet poodle haircut one time (not a fun day for that doggie hair dresser...)oh this could get fun.....revenge is a dish best served cold or hot pink....
No comments:
Post a Comment