moving on up.

remember last august when we moved?

remember how we said we never wanted to move ever again?

want to know what we are currently in the process of doing? moving.

shoot me in the face.

it's not like we have a huge job going on right now or anything. it's not like it a bazillion degrees outside or anything.

silly.

memphisism.

i have no fun one liners from the rest of this week. it was a rather uneventful week.

well aside from a guy telling me he had bladder cancer - and then proceeding today to tell darwin the entire story of how he found out. thank you overly zealous life story telling man.

well a couple of weeks ago, darwin, his brother robinson and i were driving around north georgia scouting properties. ya know because of this whole long standing "our landlord sucks at life and is a lowlife scum eating turd face" debacle we are in.

things you see a lot of in north georgia:

-abandoned chicken farms
-abandoned homes
-sweet trailer get-ups
-above ground pools (apparently this is not just a south georgia phenomena)
-lots of winding roads
-very little cell service
-riding tractor/mowers

you know the standard.

speaking of above ground pools. well we saw one of them and i was sitting in the back seat with praia -- while ro was trying no to vomit in the front seat -- and i looked over at it and said, well that is greener than shit.

to which darwin promptly replied: wow you are from memphis.

similar to this, but greener and grosser.

i sometimes forget that there are things that people say in memphis that you just don't hear elsewhere. greener than shit being the front runner at the moment....

back to the search for land...with or without the greener than shit pool...i mean i wouldn't turn down a pool. who does that?

next week is a short week for me. i am leaving thursday for my very best friend's bachelorette party. we are going to the beach and I AM SOOOO EXCITED (see how many caps were in that? that's pure excitement gold right there). which means next week is going to be a shit show.

we only have the rest of a floor to deliver, a pay app to get in, and i am sure something will go terribly wrong. it's guaranteed to in fact. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee work crises.  oh and dolly and 1 forklift are broken...good lousy.

i'll take the work crisis in exchange for the beach any day. mmmm salt water and air....that's the cure right there folks.

mmm ocean sunsets.

ciao.

p.s. i apologize for the number of "shits" (that was eloquently put, no?) in this post. i take that back. no i'm not....shit

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one.liners.

let the moving commence people.

i can hardly contain my excitement over the thought of moving.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

things that literally happened to me today have led me to the thought that perhaps i should write a book of the amazing one liners i get.

let's paint the scene from today, shall we?:

location - ball ground georgia home depot parking lot

i was sent to purchase us a brand spanking new tool chest. so i take my happy ass on over to the home depot where the one darwin wants is on sale. i find it and purchase it. darwin was going to pick it up tomorrow, but decided last minute that i should just put it in the land rover so it can be transported to his house....

similar to this guy.

i fold down the seats and make a land rover as accommodating as it can be for a british suv. the guys come out with the chest and proceed to tell me they aren't sure it's going to fit. well could you pretty please try? thank you in advance. i'm standing next to the rover and this guy pops around the corner and says: "you sure are a good housewife buying that as a surprise." blank stare. "can i give you my address so you can go and show my wife what appreciation looks like?" blank stare. stutter. smile and back away.

the tool chest fit. 2 36" chests in the back of a rover. quite impressive. the one liners weren't so bad either.


i hear lots of awesome things when working in the lumber business. not all of them are when i am actively doing lumber related activities...

ciao.

p.s. i've decided that the rover's name should be rita.


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penitentiaries.

today i spent the majority of it sitting in my car and looking at storage facilities.

is there some unspoken rule about them having to be completely in the ghetto? i mean good gracious some of those places are sketchy. nothing like barbed wire to evoke trust in people...yeesh. they look like maximum penitentiaries.

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i literally went to 7 storage places today.

the first one i talked to someone on the phone and then went to see them. holy sketch vegas. not to mention their gate is only open from 8-6. how is that even useful?

the second one went well. very nice husband and wife run company. she was super sweet and loved me.

the third one was okay. kind of treacherous. not the facility, the riding around on the golf cart throughout the facility.

the fourth one i drove up to it and immediately turned around. didn't even get out of the car. ran.away. not too mention there was no way the truck would fit.

the fifth one was actually the winner. close to home, friendly, nice neighborhood, good price.

the sixth one didn't have any drive up units so i drove away from that one.

the seventh one was expensive and convenient. but expensive.

the fun game is that none of these offices open until 930. which makes it difficult to go view them. weeeeeeeeee. awesome. so that was my entire day.

aside from stopping at starbuck's and drinking caffeine. making phone calls. you know the basic day for this kid.

yay moving. shoot.me.in.the.face.

not yet anyway...

ciao.

deadbeat.

that's a lot of red.

remember that to do list i told you about?

well let's pile on some more things to it shall we? just as i thought it was almost completed.

son of a....

things got really interesting yesterday.

our landlord, who is a wonderful talented and amazing human being (NOT), has found himself in some financial trouble. which does not translate into awesomeness for us. not even in the least. not even a tiny, minuscule, minute, wee bit.

fantabulous.

side note: i do not like ray lamontange. realized that about 10 seconds too late. thanks for nothing pandora...i kid, i love you, please don't ever stop playing your delicious music to me.

now where were we? oh yes, deadbeat landlords.

financial trouble you might ask? well. the list is long and obnoxious so i won't bore you with the details. and poor darwin has to take the brunt of it...

mainly because i like to scheme our power bills. listen, i am all about paying my bills, especially when they are delivered in a timely manner, and are full of things that i have purchased/used. now i get cranky when i am asked to pay for things that i did not break/purchase/use. (ask darwin about the new land rover some time, he can tell you how perturbed i was about that one...)

so we have this long standing feud with our LL about our power bill (LL=landlord). so we moved into our shop in the middle of august, but were fully in september 1. so now. here's the fun part. he hands us a power bill dated...wait for it...july-august.

um no.

not relavent, but funny nonetheless.

so we pay it, because LL has no money, because he apparently spent it all on floozies and michelob ultra (that is not true, well it could be, but i have no proof of that...except the mich ultra...). i then deduct that bill from our rent check. seems logical, no? not to redneck LLs.

darwin calms him and explains it....which only requires about 10 minutes of breathe, but about 3 hours of actual time spent, because you know you have to listen to LL bitch and moan for approximated 2 hours and 50 minutes....

i proceed to do this on all our rent checks...poor darwin must endure this each month.

well let's stroll right along to april...that tactic didn't go over so well. and by so well i mean not at all. LL gets all uppity and in darwin's face about this deduction maneuver i use. he says i quote "if you don't want to pay the rent, then leave."

second favorite quote: "she's (me) your problem. i got rid of mine a long time ago. you can deal with her." why thank you for thinking so highly of me mr. LL.

well played sir...looks like we will be leaving. ASAFP. emphasis on the F.

"later boners"...always sunny in philadelphia. 

so new task...find somewhere to go.

happy spring to us. i think we may have found the solution, but it is going to make april even  busier than that awesome 2 page list.

ciao.

gif source penguin
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