do you ever feel like the odds are stacked against you? that no matter how hard you try, all the effort in the world is still going to leave you short?
that's a bit how i have been feeling that past few weeks. some days it is worse than others, but it is there nonetheless.
things are getting back on track, but as i have learned in my 4.5 years at this small business rodeo, nothing goes accordingly to plan. you cannot trust anyone but yourself, and sometimes that is tricky.
since darwin passed the baton on to me, there have been some fiery hoops to jump through. i may have gotten myself into those predicaments, and most i have managed to get myself out of, but i am becoming more and more of the fuck it mind frame.
if you don't like something, your problem. if you don't want to pay that price, find it elsewhere. if you want to sit and bitch and moan about how terrible the business is, go for it, but i am not sticking around to hear it. you under ordered and now you want me to fix it in a hurry, well tough cookies. you need your order yesterday, but want to pay for it today, then you are going to have to wait.
i am learning that when you have no monetary obligation to get something done, then it really becomes small peanuts. people will wait and the world won't actually end. in the moment it is hard for me to see things like that. i get bogged down in trying to make everyone happy, and you know who that leaves unhappy? <--this kid-->
you know what? i am not going to do it anymore. i am not a particularly mean person, actually i am not a mean spirited person at all. i have feelings and i would like to continue to have feelings. sometimes feelings aren't going to help you out.
i am having a tough time trying to balance being a girl and having actual feelings and being tough. i am no delicate flower, i have a mouth that could put some sailors to shame, and i can hold my own, but i do crack. i don't want to have no feelings and be all the fuck the world, it's my way or the highway. there has to be compromise, but when you are in a small business, people always want you to compromise.
well guess what, i don't want to. i don't want to compromise anymore. i want things to go smoothly, or as smoothly as they can when one person is running a company. i just want ONE project to go according to plan. JUST ONE.
i by no means want to bat a thousand, because that is more pressure than it is worth, but i would like for the majority of the headaches associated with jobs to not make me want to pull my hair out while throwing up.
is that so much to ask?
